European River Cruise Vacation 2018: First Stop - Prague - Czech It Out

The Wife and LG went on a European riverboat cruise vacation in late July. It's a quite different experience from an ocean-going cruise. The ship is much, much smaller (160 passengers vs. up to 6,000 on large ocean cruisers) and there are no shops, restaurants, casinos, game rooms, spas, pools, rock walls, etc. But there is the charming intimacy of getting to know a fair number of fellow passengers, as well the opportunity to see small towns close-up as you cruise past. And the rooms on our particular boat (run by Avalon Waterways, a competitor to Viking Cruises -- admit it, you thought of Viking first) were quite nice and, supposedly, 30% larger than the industry average. We did not survey other cruise lines' rooms so we'll take Avalon's word for it since their name is a town in New Jersey, so we trust them.  

We started our vacation in Prague (photos below) and then took a bus to Regensburg, Germany where we boarded the boat. Our boat's name was the "Panorama," which is cruise line code for "expensive."

We were supposed to get on the boat in Nuremburg, Germany but due to a drought, the Danube River was too shallow for the boat to pass. Avalon provided ample warnings on its website and in printed literature about the possibility of a low river forcing changes in itinerary. Apparently, it's a fairly common occurrence on river cruises. According to our cruise director (no, not Julie McCoy but her Dutch cousin) some cruise vacations were scuttled in their entirety this year because of low river levels. Pro Tip: If you go in late fall or early spring, the risk of low water is generally decreased. But the risk of bad weather increases. You can't win. 

Prague is a charming city, the capital of the Czech Republic. Annoyingly, though, the Czech Republic doesn't use the euro, it has its own BS currency (although most places do take Czechs!) You can actually pay with euros at many shops and restaurants but beware: The establishment will probably give you a very unfavorable exchange rate for your euro. It's best to get some Czech currency (the koruna) out of an ATM and then just constantly Google the exchange rate to U.S. dollars and grumble about it as LG did. 

So let's get to the pix, we know that's what you're here for...

 
Here's a 20 Czech koruna note. That might be satan on the bill, it's hard to say since LG doesn't speak or read Czech. Satan is definitely on the 666 koruna bill. The guy pictured, at the least, has a Czech-ered past.  

This fellow is NOT holding an instrument that symbolizes that he was double-crossed in life; rather, he's displaying what's known as a "patriarchal cross" (getting your learn on). More deets here if you're interested: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriarchal_cross

An avant garde work of art - two female figures searching for an expensive store in which to shop (Not pictured: the husbands sitting somewhere on a bench reading ESPN on their phones.) 

One of the many squares in Prague. The sculptures in the center, dating from 1544, represent tourists who can't find their way back to their hotels and they have no wifi connections for GPS. 

Another square and church. As most of you know, European cities are comprised mostly of churches, squares and castles. But each unique and worthy of your tourist dollars in their own way. 

This is from the Sex Machines Museum (yes, true, you can Google it) in Prague. This photo was taken from the entrance area, we did NOT pay to go in. LG won't explain what's happening here, you'll have to enlarge the photo for yourself and figure it out (if you do, you are certifiably a pig, sorry). 

Nothing quite as fun as being herded around like cattle as part of a tour group. Not audible: Soft mooing sounds of the crowd. PS It as hot, in the 90s every day of the vacay. 

This sculpture is at a place known as Prague Castle. The Castle is the only site in Prague where a medal detector was used; the country's national legislative office buildings don't even use them. Shows you how popular tourism is in Prague. LG's response when the tour guide said there were no medal detectors at the legislative offices: "Of course not, all the crooks are already inside!"  The population of the Czech Republic is about 11 million people and the country expects more than that number of tourists this year. Everyone is Czeching it out.   

Part of Prague Castle. 

Looking out from the Prague Castle courtyard through gates into another stately area (where we weren't allowed). There were a lot of stately areas in Prague.  

Triple bang for your buck here, part of Prague Castle, a courtyard and a statue. The gentleman in the foreground with the backpack is suspected to be D.B. Cooper, the famed hijacker, and he may have his illicit money in that backpack. That's what some homeless guy told LG anyway. 

The church associated with Prague Castle. Many cathedrals have souvenir shops, which does not surprise you, we know. 

See explanation below. 

According to our tour guide, it's a popular practice for brides-to-be, especially from Asia, to get wedding photos in Prague with its picturesque backdrops even though the weddings themselves are going to take place on another continent. We saw quite a few brides posing for professional photographs throughout Prague. Of course, LG tried to photobomb as many as possible. Brides-to-be don't generally have a good sense of humor about those things.  

Every European country, it seems, has its own version of the rigid and silent Buckingham Palace guard. This guy at the Prague Castle was no exception. LG walked up to him and said sternly: "No soup for you!" The guard then stepped out of character and exclaimed "I love that episode! I also want serenity now!" Shortly thereafter, he was hauled away in chains for violating his duty. Oh well.   

This is a depiction of something called the Astronomical Clock on the Old Town Hall in the Old Town Square of Prague. It's under renovation currently, so the good people at the Prague Tourism Bureau decided to paint a facsimile of it on a canvas outside the actual clock in order to placate landmark-seeking tourists. When our tour guide brought us to this spot, LG cracked: "I heard it got it's name because the repair costs are astronomical." She said she'd incorporate that into her spiel going forward. More deets on this clock at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prague_astronomical_clock  

Tourists in a frenzy to take photos of the burlap covering the Astronomical Clock. Note: These are actual tourists, not painted likenesses on burlap. 

The un-captioned photos above are from Terezin, a Nazi concentration camp about 30 miles north of Prague. Many children were held at this camp and artwork that they created while there is on display. Visiting it was a very sobering, somber and moving experience. More details at: http://www.terezin.org/the-history-of-terezin/

This photo is of an area known as the "Venice of Prague." A copyright dispute is now brewing as Venice seeks to create a "Prague of Venice" section of its city. 

The Vltava River and part of a castle wall. Calm down. 

A tower of the famous Charles Bridge, completed in 1402. It was built under the auspices of King Charles IV (hence the name) and connects the main part of Prague with its Old Town and the Prague Castle. E-Z Pass is not yet available but they're working on it. Actually, it's a pedestrian-only bridge, but not a pedestrian bridge in the artistic sense. You see what LG did there.  

More of the Venice of Prague. For a better depiction of Venice, go to Venice. 

This is on the Charles Bridge and yes, those are Hebrew letters. For more deets: http://strangeside.com/prague-statue-of-jesus-with-hebrew-letters/

This is a statue of a holy man contemplating nature, thus the bird on his head. Trained birds take turns sitting on this statue in 3-hour shifts. 

More Charles Bridge decorative ironwork. 

Another incongruous bridal photo. This couple is getting married in Antarctica in 2021. 

Prague's manhole covers are nicer than most U.S. museum pieces, so take that you ugly Americans! (That's LG's interpretation, anyway, of the Czech writing on the manhole cover.)

Graffiti is considered an art form in some areas of Prague (when confined to those designated areas) and John Lennon is a particularly revered figure. 

This is one of the Czech national parliament buildings. LG was thinking of running on a "Make the Czech Republic Great Again" platform, but then reconsidered since he had more cities to see on this holiday. 

Next up (and coming soon): Regensberg and Passu Germany. We know, you can't wait!