Kids, here are some more of LG's recent Tweets, please enjoy responsibly...
U.S. Government, seeking to curb AIDS, is distributing clean needles in all Delta meals.
Women say they're going to "Tar-jay" to make Target sound French + sophisticated. I go to "Home Depeaux" for the same reason.
BREAKING: Needles found in meals on Delta flight; authorities still searching for actual food in Delta meals.
New Yahoo! CEO when asked how she found out about job: "I Googled it. "
Penn State announces it will move Paterno statue to area of campus where statues of Jeffrey Dahmer + Bernie Madoff are displayed.
Rejected Obama campaign slogan: You can't picture Mitt as president, Kenya? Oops, we mean "Can ya?" Damn, costly typo.
Sarah Palin: "Who cares if Obama was born in Kenya, it's still part of America isn't it?"
My favorite Today Show fatty is Al Roquefort.
I went to Midas for a new muffler and it wasn't solid gold. "Where the hell is that Midas touch?" I asked.
Does anyone know the name of that country song where the wife runs off?
I'm writing a book: "Jerry Sandusky: From Penn State to state pen."
Observation: Between "Magic Mike" and "50 Shades of Gray," women are becoming 1/10th the pigs that men are.
People who trusted their life savings to a guy whose name phonetically was "Made Off" probably go to doctor "Scalpal-Leaver "
It's so hot at the Jersey Shore today that Snookie's fetus isn't lighting up a single cigarette until it cools off.
Women always hit on me down at the butcher shop. That place is such a meat market.
Swiss scientists just discovered the smallest particle known. It contains all the talent of Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and Snookie.
Macy's hired me for the holiday season to be a rapper, I'm psyched. Or is that "wrapper?" I'd better check the application again.