Saturday, November 13, 2010

Forget the Alamo

Note: This posting of The LG Report is not brought to you by the San Antonio Convention and Visitors’ Bureau.

LG just returned from four days in San Antonio, Texas, home of the Alamo. He was there for an insurance conference.

Most non-insurance people think of insurance conferences as being filled with golf, cocktail parties and expensive meals with clients and prospects.

Those non-insurance people would be right.  Shhhhhh.....

If you’re interested in seeing pictures from some of those events, accompanied by LG’s usual snarky captions, click onto

Back to San Antonio.

Many cities in America are one-trick ponies. Buffalo is all about Niagara Falls.  St. Louis, the Gateway Arch. Nashville, the Grand Old Oprey. Tampa, the gentlemen’s clubs.  San Diego, the zoo.

San Antonio has the Alamo. And little else. Oh yeah, there is the Riverwalk, which is nothing more than a clever fraud to make tourists think that it’s more glamorous and charming to walk past restaurants and shops when they're alongside a man-made canal/sewer combination. It’s not a poor man’s Venice -- it’s a dead-and-decomposing man’s Venice. 

And, to top it off, as soon as you sit to eat at any of the restaurants along the Riverwalk, you’ll immediately be accosted by a louder-than-a-locomotive mariachi band playing in your ear. You will gladly pay them to go away.

The Alamo, frankly, is a disappointment. It’s much smaller and less impressive than even your lowest expectations would lead you to believe.  An Alamo Rental Car counter is more impressive. 

No wonder someone had to create the phrase “Remember the Alamo!,” because, otherwise, it would be very easy to forget. It's sort of like “Remember what you had for breakfast last Wednesday!” 

Here’s a photo of the Alamo.  The sad thing is that it's actual size:

Despite the disappointment of the Alamo, the people of San Antonio are, undeniably, unique.

On Wednesday night, LG was standing on the side of a road in dowtown San Antonio, trying to hail a cab in front of five (yes, five) police officers.  These fine law-enforcing gentlemen had, not ten minutes earlier, arrested (and possibly beaten down a bit, but we can't concern ourselves with such matters) a patron of the bar that LG had just visted (purely for blog research purposes, of course...)

As the arrest was occurring, 30 of the patron’s closest friends streamed out of the bar and into the street to follow the proceedings.  It was a very exciting evening.  LG had never been mugged, or been in a riot, but it seemed that both might very well occur that night.

Anyway, a cab came towards LG, but it didn't slow down as it neared.  This clued LG into the fact that that the cab wasn’t going to stop.  As it zoomed past LG, one of the passengers in the back seat rolled down the window (this is 100% true) and yelled at LG: “Go f*** yourself!

LG turned to one of the five police officers, about ten feet away, and said “I’ve lived in New York City for almost 20 years and that has never happened to me.”

The officer's reply: “Welcome to San Antonio.”

LG is going to forget this insult and will give San Antonio the benefit of the doubt.  He's going to go have a piece of homemade Texas pecan pie now. Alamo'd, of course....


  1. I visited San Antonio when my hubby was in the Air Force. I, too, was disappointed in the Alamo. Although I did not get any instructions in regard to my sex life from passing taxi passengers while I was there.

  2. Funny post. Your mention of the St. Louis' arch within the one-trick pony context reminded me of a dream I had near the end of my 15 years in NYC. I dreamt that my then-husband and I were on a cross-country trip, and when we got to St. Louis, I asked him to hold the subway doors so I could run upstairs and see the arch.

  3. Growing up in California, and now exiled to Texas, I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of SA. Father Serra would never have let that pathetic excuse for a mission into HIS club! Long live ceviche and fish tacos on the Pacific! Hopefully you'll have better luck with your next batch of American cities. EFH

  4. ummm...San Antonians DO NOT ride in taxis, LG, especially when downtown. You had a fellow tourist yell at you, or perhaps at the police officers behind you.

  5. LG, you are the typical narcissist. There are millions of people that visit San Antonio every year that would quickly disagree with you. But hey your opinion is of course the only one that counts... You must not have an open mind, and oh so intolerant. You must be French, that's it...

  6. LG, Yes whats left of the Alamo is small and not real impressive. However its what happened there that is important. Also if you take the time to walk the streets (instead of catching a cab) surrounding the plaza you will see parts of other buildings and walls that made up the Alamo complex. In its day it was much larger than what can be seen today and much of it was destroyed in in the battles that were fought there. The City is built on the ruins of the battle ground and the soil is fed by the blood of patriots who defended it. Unfortunately San Antonio has once again been invaded by idiots but now they come from places like New York and California. Have you seen how small the Statue of Liberty is? and it represents the whole nation.
    To: EFH What the hell important ever happened in California? The only reason CA even belongs to the US is because of the battles that were fought in Texas. Learn some history before talking trash. If you Don't like TEXAS then go back to the place you came from. We proud TEXANS would be glad to see you go.

  7. some people just never get it. maybe he would rather go to a mosque in NYC to pray

  8. I came upon this site as I was looking for a picture that my 4th grade son could use for his "Alamo Project". I have to agree with the comment on the fact that you really need to understand the history about the Alamo. My husband and I are Texas-transplants from Ohio but our three sons are natural born Texans and through their education in school I have come to realize that I am very proud to be in Texas and even prouder to be in the San Antonio area. The anonymous comment on March 1, 2011 really gave the truth about the city being built on the battlegrounds of much bloodshed and once I knew the history I realized the importance of the Alamo. Do some research on just the slogan of "Remember the Alamo" you may be enlightened!


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