Friday, November 19, 2010

World's Best Pumpkin Pie Recipe...And How To Tell If You're A Total Loser

[Interesting Tidbit: 87% of The LG Report readers say it's their sole source of world news.*]

*By using an odd number like 87%, we hope to make this totally-fabricated figure seem believable.


LG is not having a good day.  He went to the local McDonald's and they would only sell him a "Melancholy Meal."  They said he didn't deserve a Happy Meal. 


He's also not feeling good about that picture, just below, of a slice of delicious-looking pumpkin pie.  Linger over the photo, let the imaginary smell of warm pumpkin pie, topped with freshly-whipped cream, rise up into your nostrils, igniting a holiday sensory explosion in your brain.  Wow, that's good!

Now read on for an explanation of why this is all a despicable and cheap fraud...

Do you see that box on the right labeled "Feedjit?"  It chronicles the locations of people clicking onto The LG Report. It also, in some cases, reveals the specific phrase that those people were searching when they found The LG Report.  LG has noticed that a lot of people find us when searching "The World's Best Cheesecake Recipe."  Recipes are apparently a big hit on the internet.  If you remember that post, which can be found by CLICKING HERE, it was rather deceptive.  But in a funny way.

So we gave today's entry a title which includes the words "World's Best Pumpkin Pie Recipe" to see how many hits it brings.  You too can play along with this exciting game by checking back frequently to see how many suckers are being lured in by this deceitful ploy.  Sorry, but the click-whores in The LG Report's corporate office made us do it.  Greedy people run the world.  Goldman Sachs is rumored to be trying to purchase The LG Report.  Feel free to spread that rumor as much as you'd like.  In fact, we can probably get even more hits by typing: "Money-Making Secrets of Goldman Sachs!

Those still interested in making a pumpkin pie can CLICK HERE  to find a nice recipe from the good folks at The Food Network.  See, there is some justice in the world (although we suspect that people who were truly searching for a kick-ass pumpkin pie recipe didn't bother reading down this far.  Their loss.

Next issue:

HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A TOTAL LOSER [which you personally can't be since you're cool enough to read The LG Report.]

Here it is, a simple test:

The LG Report thanks Chris in Boston, inventor of Kring Krang, for this photo.

If you have Facebook friended an inanimate object, such as a parking garage, then you are a TOTAL loser. Seriously, friends with a parking garage?  Do you have a weekly poker game with the local mailbox and two fire hydrants?  Are you dating a warehouse? 

And finally, we put on our National Enquirer hat for a moment to reveal the first-ever picture of Geo's love child with Tiny Tim.  [Geo, by the way, was the one who gave us the idea for the "World's Greatest Pumpkin Pie Recipe" fraud, so feel free to kick him in the junk when you see him.] 

Here he/she/it is:

The love child was spotted coming out of the apartment of his/her/its best friend, a Parking Garage.

That's all for today folks, go forth and prosper, but don't forget to check back often.  See you soon!


  1. I wasn't looking for cheesecake or pumpkin pie! I'm here 'cause I'm a follower and like reading this insanity.

    Please read my posts for Wednesday and Thursday of this week if you haven't already. I'd like you to help with the meme I'm planning for 2011. I have 6 participants so far...need 6 more!

  2. I would think the ultimate test of Loserness would be whether a person is one of the followers of The LG Report listed above the Feedjit feed on the right of the page. This would then be a rather exclusive club.

    Another measurement of TRUE awesomeness would be if a person has been featured on the LG Report 50 State Ponzi Scheme and Interview Series. Anybody who is not featured would be a loser and would thus be forced to work in the underground sugar mines to serve those magical 50 people who are obviously the best there is.


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!