*By using an odd number like 87%, we hope to make this totally-fabricated figure seem believable.
LG is not having a good day. He went to the local McDonald's and they would only sell him a "Melancholy Meal." They said he didn't deserve a Happy Meal.
He's also not feeling good about that picture, just below, of a slice of delicious-looking pumpkin pie. Linger over the photo, let the imaginary smell of warm pumpkin pie, topped with freshly-whipped cream, rise up into your nostrils, igniting a holiday sensory explosion in your brain. Wow, that's good!
Now read on for an explanation of why this is all a despicable and cheap fraud...
Do you see that box on the right labeled "Feedjit?" It chronicles the locations of people clicking onto The LG Report. It also, in some cases, reveals the specific phrase that those people were searching when they found The LG Report. LG has noticed that a lot of people find us when searching "The World's Best Cheesecake Recipe." Recipes are apparently a big hit on the internet. If you remember that post, which can be found by CLICKING HERE, it was rather deceptive. But in a funny way.
So we gave today's entry a title which includes the words "World's Best Pumpkin Pie Recipe" to see how many hits it brings. You too can play along with this exciting game by checking back frequently to see how many suckers are being lured in by this deceitful ploy. Sorry, but the click-whores in The LG Report's corporate office made us do it. Greedy people run the world. Goldman Sachs is rumored to be trying to purchase The LG Report. Feel free to spread that rumor as much as you'd like. In fact, we can probably get even more hits by typing: "Money-Making Secrets of Goldman Sachs!"
Those still interested in making a pumpkin pie can CLICK HERE to find a nice recipe from the good folks at The Food Network. See, there is some justice in the world (although we suspect that people who were truly searching for a kick-ass pumpkin pie recipe didn't bother reading down this far. Their loss.
HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A TOTAL LOSER [which you personally can't be since you're cool enough to read The LG Report.]
Here it is, a simple test:
|The LG Report thanks Chris in Boston, inventor of Kring Krang, for this photo.|
If you have Facebook friended an inanimate object, such as a parking garage, then you are a TOTAL loser. Seriously, friends with a parking garage? Do you have a weekly poker game with the local mailbox and two fire hydrants? Are you dating a warehouse?
And finally, we put on our National Enquirer hat for a moment to reveal the first-ever picture of Geo's love child with Tiny Tim. [Geo, by the way, was the one who gave us the idea for the "World's Greatest Pumpkin Pie Recipe" fraud, so feel free to kick him in the junk when you see him.]
Here he/she/it is:
The love child was spotted coming out of the apartment of his/her/its best friend, a Parking Garage.
That's all for today folks, go forth and prosper, but don't forget to check back often. See you soon!