Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The LG Report Gives In To The Madmen

As you might imagine, were you to waste any time actually thinking about something like this, most of the major media outlets (NY Times, CNN, USA Today, Dog Fancy Magazine) want to purchase The LG Report.  As the people at Dog Fancy said, "We want to make you our bitch."  The others didn't put it so nicely.

And we're talking big buck$ here, in the tens of dollars.  So LG was poised to sell out (while maintaining complete editorial control, of course...) when a snag arose. 

The prospective buyer wanted some "market research" (insert visual of "air quotes" made by Chris Farley with his fingers back in his Saturday Night Live days).  This prospective purchaser wanted information on our "demographics" and our "reader loyalty."  So we caved in and hired a high-priced Madison Avenue market research firm to do a hidden camera "focus group."  This company clandestinely observed many of our readers as they perused The LG Report.   Yes, you were probably among them.  And no, we won't say anything to anyone about your underwear. 

We haven't seen the final report yet, but here's a video clip that our Madmen are telling us is a very representative sample of their research:

[Editor's Note: No animals or human beings were harmed in the making of this video.]
So there you have it folks, hopefully you feel the same way as this typical reader.  Thanks for checking in, see you again soon!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Picture Essay and a Look at The 'Bank

LG turned the ole Blackberry on its side this morning and shook it vigorously to cause some pictures to spill out.  Coincidentally, they formed a photo essay.  Here's what it said:

  We'd like to be frank with you...

We know that you have a lot going on in your life, and visiting various sites on the web can really take a bite out of your time...

But make no bones about it....

We consider it a real treat to have you spend some time with The LG Report...

And we mean that, we're not just trying to be cute! [Unlike Chloe here, who lives in Houston and is the well-behaved daughter of Stefano and Gelena...]

LG couldn't figure out how to work this picture into the photo essay, but the uncle of the drummer in this band is a friend of mine and he said if I publicize the band on The LG Report there may be a backstage pass in it for me:

And, finally, for those of you who have never been to Citizens Bank Ballpark in Philadelphia (home of the Phillies), here's a quick look thanks to an exclusive LG Report video clip supplied by reader Lee of Central Florida.  He visited The 'Bank (as Philadelphians call it) earlier this week:

That's it for today folks, come back soon, another great video clip is in the chamber waiting to launch, along with ... who knows what else?  Always something surprising awaiting at The LG Report!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wordless Wednesday? Not For Us!

If you're a regular reader of blogs, or even a casual one, you may have come across a feature known as "Wordless Wednesday."  It's a method for bloggers to get a post up without exerting time and effort in coming up with verbiage, they merely post a photo.  Well, that's not for us here at The LG Report.  We don't do "wordless."  As most of you know, we only do prolixity, verbosity, garrulousness, bloviation, etc.  In fact, we'll gladly use all those extra words that other bloggers are leaving on the editing room floor this Wednesday...

Nonetheless, we have some pictures for your enjoyment today.

Surely you've heard of the famed Shroud of Turin. My friend Jimmie recently encounter the "Burger of Goulden's," a close cousin to The Shroud. When the mustard was randomly and haphazardly squirted onto his burger, it mysteriously spelled out the shortened version of his name. Papal authorities are investigating. PS: Jimmie did not recently escape from the insane asylum, his facial expression only looks that way. He actually escaped years ago.

I think it's outrageous that our government is providing "Cash For Junkies!"  Of course they're always "smashed" as the headline says.  And they never run, they just sit around smoking their ganja, pot, weed, grass, hemp, 420, maryjane or whatever they call it.  I just happen to know those names from media reports.  Honestly. 

Oh, wait, that headline says "Cash for Junkers."  Please disregard the previous rant.  But look at the photo.  What is that woman supposed to be doing, waiting for someone to jump start one of these pieces of sh#%@ with the other?  And what is that car on the left, a 1960 Fiat?  If she's got such a crappy car, how can she afford that cell phone that she's gabbing on?  Verizon Wireless charges more per month than any car dealer's leasing plan.  And when did Frankenstein loan this woman his shoes?  This whole picture just annoys me, as you may have noticed.  I'll bet these people wish today was "Wordless Wednesday" at The LG Report.   

Here's Geo proudly showing off the rat's nest of tickets he recently won at Skee Ball.  He only had to push two six-year olds out of the way to get his preferred machine.  For his mere $83 investment, he won enough tickets to earn himself three Super Balls and a coffee mug.  Excellent job Geo!!!  Notice the mystical white light radiating from his forehead toward the Skee Ball machine?  That's Geo's secret, he uses his superior mental powers to control Skee Ball machines.  Pretty soon, Geo is going to have the world's Super Ball market cornered if somebody doesn't do something about this soon...

That's it for today folks, thanks for clicking in.  Everyone at The LG Report, including all editorial and distribution offices worldwide, hopes to see you back here again soon!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Don't Miss This: The Greatest Political Ad Ever!

Regular readers of The LG Report will remember (actually, even the constipated readers should recall) that a few months ago we endorsed Anna C. Little in the Republican primary for the Sixth Congressional District of New Jersey.  

Largely on the strength of that endorsement, or so we tell ourselves, Ms. Little won the primary by a very narrow margin.  She is now facing a tough contest against an 11-term incumbent in the general election in November. 

The LG Report has, with the help of Anna C. Little For Congress supporter Marge C., created possibly the single most compelling ad in the history of American politics

Yes, you read that right.  If we typed it correctly, that is.  We'll go back and check for typos later.

This advertisement is packed with sincerity, enthusiasm and compelling logic.  Yet, at the same time, it gets its message across in a sophisticated and subtle Jersey style that would make Snooki, The Situation and The Real Housewives of New Jersey proud.

So have a look, and don't be shy about sharing a link to this heartwarming piece of Americana with your friends through Facebook and/or e-mail, we'd appreciate it!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Our First Video Post + More!

Today, The LG Report takes a giant leap forward, one of those REALLY   l--o--n--g  and impressive leaps where, as you land, just for a second, you think you may have split your crotch bone in half (never mind that there is no "crotchbone," we're on a roll.)   You have a lightning flash of terrifying thought:  "Oh no, what did I do..."  But then it's gone, and you realize that you're OK and that you've just made the most impressive leap of your life.  That's what we're talking about.  Word. 

Before we get to this miracle of modern technology, however, here are Three Random LG Thoughts:

1.  If I ever go to the electric chair, a Coke Slurpee(tm) is going to be part of my last meal.  And I'll insist that they let me prepare it, because (and here's a valuable secret for you LG Report readers), I always slide over to the soda dispenser and put some actual Coke in the Slurpee cup when I'm about halfway through filling it.  This little clandestine act makes the Slurpee more moist and flavorful.  Shhh, don't let the 7-11 authorities know;

2. LG recently read a study that said that you shouldn't believe all studies.  He tends to agree with that study; and, finally,

3.  A couple of weeks ago, LG read a story in the local paper about a guy who left this area and moved to North Carolina.  He was gunned down in what is suspected to be a drug-related crime.  Everyone that the local paper interviewed in his hometown said things like "He was so gentle, a true friend when you needed him," and "He was such a kind and caring soul, not an enemy in the world, just an angel on Earth."   Then (this is TRUE, I swear!) the final line of the story said something like:  "Mr. X had been arrested in North Carolina not long before his death for kicking down the door of a house and beating up two people inside." 

So today The LG Report went to the Point Pleasant (NJ) boardwalk, a much smaller and more civilized place than the Seaside Heights boardwalk of Snooki, J-Woww, The Situation and the rest of the "Jersey Shore" cast on MTV.  We mentioned all of those characters, of course, to attract the Google hits.  Here's a picture of a random fellow who we encountered in Point Pleasant:

Oh, what's that he's wearing, an official LG Report t-shirt?!  What a coincidence!  A greater coincidence (or not), was that we ran into Geo, just as he was about to take in a free Bon Jovi concert on the boardwalk.  Here's a look at that encounter through the use of our first video clip:

There you have it kids, The LG Report's first video, short but semi-sweet.  We hope you enjoyed it, there are plenty more (and more entertaining) to come.   We'll see you back here at the ranch soon with a new posting. 

And don't be afraid to forward this link to friends of yours who might be interested in the new look and sound of Bon Jovi!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Movie Review + The LG Report Endorses a Truck

Two orders of business today kidz

First, our brief -- but always accurate -- movie review.  Tonight LG saw "Inception."  LG found it to be pretentious, unnecessarily complicated, derivative (of at least three other movies), too long (2.5 hours) and not very entertaining.  In short, it was much like The LG Report itself.   

We'd give it a 5.2 on a scale of 1 to 10.  If you go, don't say we didn't warn you.

Second, The LG Report has never before endorsed a motor vehicle, but in this case we had no choice but to give our thumbs up to a truly ballsy truck, probably the best on the road today.  We believe it's a Ford F150, but we can't be 100% certain from the photo (which, by the way, is courtesy of reader Anne F.S.) 

This truck has what some would euphemistically call "genital fortitude."  It exudes a sack of confidence.  On top of that, it passed every test(icular) we could throw at it.  You'd be nuts not to buy one.  So, without further adieu, we are proud to introduce the official truck of The LG Report

That's it for today folks.  Coming soon: Original LG Report video clips!  Please try to contain your excitement.   Thanks for clicking in, see you again soon. 

Friday, August 13, 2010

Pix from the Blackberry...

LG is always on the lookout for a good photo opp to share with the wonderful readers of The LG Report.  And, luckily, he just about always has his Blackberry camera-phone with him to capture these moments. Today seemed like a good time to tip the ole Crackberry on its side and whack it a few times to see what pix came tumbling out:

A "Baby on Board" sticker, really?  Really?  These things were obnoxious enough back in the 1990s (or was it the 1980s?) when it seemed like every other car had one of those suction-cupped yellow signs stuck to its rear window.  Now it's a sticker.  First of all, the very premise is absurd: "Please drive more carefully and respect and protect me because I may, if my sign is accurate, have a baby on board."   Dumb.  At what age does that baby lose its youthful protection and we get to drive like madmen around it again?  Plus, nobody ever took the sign down when in fact no baby was in the car.  So those signs were like the boy who cried wolf.  Actually, though, I take back this entire rant.  Upon further review I realize that this sticker actually signifies "Someone doing a Russian Folk Dance on board."  My bad.

It's hard to read the sign from this distance.  I took the picture earlier this week on the beach in Belmar, NJ.  The sign, which sits inside a roped-off section, says "Designated Smoking Area."  I could not locate the "Designated Talking Too Loudly and Bothering Everyone" area.        
I took this picture yesterday morning on the NYC #4 subway train going downtown.  Someone defaced a JetBlue ad by writing in Sharpie "Beer" + "It's Been Fun" = "Exit"   I thought that was pretty funny.  I would've grabbed two beers and jumped off the subway, but I probably would've landed on the third rail and electrocuted myself. 

I won't editorialize on this one, I'll just report the facts.  A few weeks ago I was in a bar in downtown Manhattan celebrating someone's birthday.  There was a swing over the bar (not standard in the suburbs, I know.)  You see the gentleman swinging on it here.  Later, a young lady wearing a skirt, and who had possibly been overserved, was helped into the swing by the bartendress.  Someone in the crowd yelled out: "Watch her potato."  I still don't know what that means, but it struck me as funny.  It was better than "Baby on Board!" 

And, finally, I snapped this picture about two weeks ago.  The Gulf Oil Spill.  The war in Iraq.  The war in  Afghanistan.  Our faltering economy.  Iran.  North Korea.  Global warming.  Lebron leaving Cleveland.  With all the major issues in the world today about which one could display a bumper sticker, this guy chooses the designated hitter rule in baseball?  What a moron.  I wouldn't be surprised if someone just rammed him from behind for the heck of it.  Unless, of course, he had a baby on board, in which case I'd yell "Watch his potato!" and grab two beers and jump out into the designated smoking area. 

There, I think I tied all the photos together.  We'll see you back here real soon kids.... (And could someone please get us a 32nd follower; we've been stuck at 31 for months.)  Thanks again for stopping by!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Guest Blog Posting: A Tale of Two Cell Phones...

Today we have our second guest blog posting on The LG Report, this one coming from Eggman, a friend of LG's since way, way back in the day.  Even further back than that, actually. 

At the conclusion of Eggman's submission, there will be a brief recounting of Geo's latest antics, always a thrill for his legion of fans known as Geo-natics (I just made up that term, let's see if it sticks...)  

Let's turn it over to Eggman:

This is a Motorola w755 black cell phone.  It is sturdy, dependable, and functional. This particular one was, and is, owned by a 16-year old teenager named Austin. It was his first cell phone. He got it when he was 13. He also happens to be my son.

It spent nights under his pillow waiting for texts. Still ticking.

It has been dropped, kicked, thrown and stepped on. Still ticking.

It was in the pool. Twice. Still ticking.

It took a swim in the Atlantic Ocean. Still ticking.

It went through the cold wash and rinse cycle of a Whirlpool front loading washer. Well, not ticking anymore.

Actually, you could charge it up and actually make a call from it, but you wouldn't be able to see any of the displays. I think you get the picture.

So when it came time to for me to find a new, sturdy, dependable and functional cell phone for myself, I naturally went to my teenage son for advice. Scary as that sounds, teens are experts on cell phones. They know how to work all the functions without looking, and can text a paragraph in 2 seconds. My conversation with my son went something like this:

"Hey Austin. I need a new cell. Any recommendations?"

"Not mine," he snarled.

"Why not?" I asked incredulously. "Yours has been through the ringer. I need a sturdy, dependable, functional phone."

"Not mine," he repeated.

"Obviously, I don't need your permission," I scolded. "I'll just get it."

"OK,OK,OK. Just get a different color."

So I triumphantly ordered my phone. "Hey Austin. I ordered my phone."

"What color?" He asked.


"WHAT!!??" He screamed. "You can't have a purple phone. Are you crazy? That's not a 'guy' color. Cancel it!" And he stormed off somewhere.

You know, The Minnesota Vikings have always worn purple, Prince's favorite color is Purple, Jimi Hendrix wrote "Purple Haze."  I could go on and on. I do get a lot of sideways looks when people see me with my purple phone. But I persevere. It's a sturdy, dependable, functional phone.

Alas, Verizon tells me it's time to get a new phone ("New Every Two.")  And, again, I find myself on the verge of ordering the same LG Env3 that Austin now owns. Of course, his is a very cool cobalt blue. Mine, undoubtedly, unfortunately, reluctantly, will have to be a different color.


Thanks Eggman for sharing that great story with us, much appreciated.  We're guessing that Austin won't be sending the link to this blog entry to any of his friends...
Speaking of friends, last weekend I gave Geo a ride home from the beach.  As is his usual custom, Geo forgot all of his possessions in my car.  On this occasion, that meant his beach chair and towel. 

I owed him a birthday gift, so later that day I showed up at his place with his beach chair and towel.  I had folded the towel and put a small gift bow on the chair to throw him off a bit.  Here's how the scene looked:

Unfortunately, Geo eventually figured out that I hadn't bought him a new towel and beach chair, but was merely returning his property to him.  He did, however, admit that after I'd dropped him off at home, he went to the private pool where he has a membership and promptly forgot another towel there when he left. 

The upside of all of this is that we'll never be able to tell if Geo gets Alzheimer's as he ages....

That's it for today folks, keep checking back regularly and tell all your friends to do the same (or at least designate us as a "liked" spot on Facebook, we'd appreciate it a lot!)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Guest Blog - John From the Intermountain West Checks In!

As promised kids, The LG Report has opened itself up to Guest Bloggers and our first third-party submission has hit the desk. 

It comes from John (aka "Captain Moroni"), a follower who lives in the "Intermountain West."  Being an East Coaster, LG did not know the exact definition/geographic boundaries of the Intermountain West.  Here's where it lies, according to our good friends at Google:

OK, now that we have that outta the way... Let's turn the proceedings over to John. 

First, he addresses the glut of "Going Out of Business" furniture stores:

"Every single furniture company in the intermountain west is perpetually

going out of business. (I have often wondered if that happens all over the
world. "This weekend only - our 3rd Annual Going Out Of Business Sale at
the Singapore Sofa Store!!!" and "If somebody doesn't buy a bedroom set in
the next 10 minutes from Larry's London Loungechairs, we'll be out of
business within the hour!!!" )

Next, John turns his gaze upon political races:

"No matter that the opposing candidate is a decorated war hero, spends all
his time working at a soup kitchen, and just donated his entire fortune to an orphanage, the opposing candidate will run an advertisement that shows him shaking hands with Lucifer while an announcer says, "My opponent, Joseph Pondscum, took time out from his busy schedule of clubbing babies and harvesting their organs to fund his crack habit so he could co-invent the vuvuzela in conjunction with Satan.   While the Prince of Darkness has since apologized, Joseph Pondscum has flatly refused to do so! How about it, Joe?" Can't a single politician just talk about what they're going to do to stop flushing this country down the commode?"

John finishes up with an observation about lawn mowing:

"On every street in every neighborhood in the USA, there is at least one guy who mows the lawn Saturday morning while wearing his wife-beater T-Shirt. Do they have some kind of meeting to plan it all out?"

[Editor's Note: We couldn't find a stock photo of a guy mowing the lawn in his tank top, apparently people aren't so interested in taking and displaying such photos.]

That's it for today folks, thanks to Captain Moroni (John) for his most-excellent guest blogging, and thanks to all our readers for clicking in.  Please be sure to check back soon, good stuff is coming along all the time, including our Pennsylvania state interview (part of The LG Report's 50-State Interview Series) and some vintage Geo!

Friday, August 6, 2010

The LG Report's 50 State Interview Series Visits the Land of Linkin' (Park)

The LG Report is out in America’s Heartland, Illinois specifically, to catch up with Ben, the representative of “The Land of Lincoln” in The LG Report’s 50-State Interview Series.

An Illinois native, Ben graduated from the University of Illinois and is a partner at a big-time law firm in Chicago [Editor’s Note: We had to call it “big time” or Ben said he wouldn’t agree to the interview. But, curiously, he also said we couldn’t use his last name or likeness. Go figure.]

Ben in an important and famous lawyer whose client list includes British Petroleum, Osama Bin Laden, Bernard Madoff, the governments of Iran and North Korea, and Rosie O'Donnell.
Ben knows as much about Illinois as anyone that The LG Report could scare up on short notice, so we’ve chosen him to represent that great state.

Anyway, let’s get right to the questions:

LG Report: Ben, why do they call Illinois “The Land of Lincoln” when he was actually born in Kentucka and spent his childhood, or some appreciable chunk of it according to the welcoming road signs on Interstate 80, in Indiana? Isn’t this, in your opinion as a lawyer, a type of fraud? 

Ben: As honest abe would tell you, as would many other Illinois politicians, fraud is in the eye of the beholder. Of course the fact that Abe is buried in Illinois is a complete defense.

LG Report: What’s your favorite restaurant in Chicago and why? And don’t say “Pizzeria Uno,” because we all have at least one of those in our city, and while it’s OK, we ain’t getting on a plane to Chi-town to chow there.

Ben:  I suspect LG is fishing for a free meal with this one.  Isn't that how I was honored with this opportunity? LG appears to have quickly adopted the Illinois "pay to play" philosophy! Anyway, although the Chicago area has many "first names" in restaurants - Joe's for seafood, Carmine's for veal, Dave's for pasta, and Lou's for pizza - my favorite is Harry's for watching the Cubbies lose.

LG Report: Ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich. Please explain.

Ben: Like Louisiana, Illinois has a rich history of governors getting rich at taxpayers' expense. Aside from the fact that he is the only Illinois politician to ever graduate from Northwestern University (BA) and Pepperdine (JD), his real first name is Milorad. Do you remember what happens when you name a boy Sue?

LG Report: Our current president is from Illinois, or lived there for some of his life anyway. What qualities of his would you say personify an Illinoisan?

Ben:  Obama, another Chicago lawyer, represents a city which has won a championship in each of the 4 major sports since "Da Bears" in 1985. Is there another city which can make this claim? If not, you have the winner of the 2012 election.

The LG Report: Ben, the University of Illinois still insists on using a Native American as its mascot, Chief Illiniwek. Does he own a casino, and is there any chance that we can invest in it? Perhaps we should discuss this over a few glasses of firewater.

Ben: As you know, I am saving all my money to invest in the much-anticipated LG IPO. It is sure to be undervalued based on recent underperformance but the longer history suggests a strong recovery.
LG Report: People on both coasts of the U.S. think of Chicagoans as somewhat rough around the edges – “Da Bears!” – and not wholly intelligent/sophisticated/polished. What do you say to these right-thinking elitists like myself?

Ben: A Chicagoan runs the country, a Chicagoan runs a big-time New York law firm, and a Chicagoan ran the US Olympic bid for 2016... 2 out of 3 ain't bad!

LG Report: What one food best represents the great state of Illinois and why?

Ben: Chicago is known for deep dish pizza and Italian beef sandwiches.  My choice is the off-menu veal chop parmagiana served at Tuscany. Like most Illinoisans, it can take a pounding and benefit from the experience!

The LG Report: Oprah films her show in Chicago. Have you ever been intimate with her?

Ben: No, but I'm thinking Oprah is single, LG is single, and I have money to invest...

LG Report: Let’s say that internet icon Geo comes to Chicago for a visit and you’re his tour guide. You bring him up to the top of the Sears Tower (now called the “Willis Tower” but we’ll stick with “Sears” for our purposes since most readers are unaware of the new name) to the observation deck. If you wanted to make things interesting, would you lure Geo to the edge to get a look at Abe Lincoln’s boyhood home (which is in Kentucka, so it would be a pretty far-away sight) and then shove him off the building, or would you just pull out a penknife and slash Geo’s throat while saying “That’s how Stan Mikita used to do it in the old days with his sharpened Sherwood hockey stick!” before dousing him with gasoline and setting him on fire? Take your time before answering; we actually do have all day...

Ben: I thought Geo was a car.

LG Report: Finally, in closing, if you could revise Illinois’s state motto from “The Land of Lincoln” to something better, what would you come up with?

Ben: The University of Chicago has been referred to as "the place where fun goes to die." How unfair. Just because nuclear weapons were invented here doesn't mean you can't drink Old Style Beer and play Axis and Allies. From this day forward, Illinois should be recognized for its true strength where luck has no place and life's wonders can be experienced in "Pay to Playland".

Thanks for your time Ben, you’ve been a great guest. And thanks for not using our men’s room.

Please keep reading The LG Report and tell everyone else in your great state to do the same, we could use the clicks!

Until next time kids (we have a guest blogger rant coming us soon, stay tuned!)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

LG Report Exclusive: Fidel Castro is Living in the U.S.!

...but before we get to the news on old Fidel, a bit of blogospheric housekeeping.

You might not know my friend Pat.  And if you do, forget you know him.  He works for a top-secret branch of the government.  You've heard of this organization if you watched the old TV show starring Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. but I'm not going to say the name.  I'd be investigated, castigated and busticated.

You can look up those last two. 

Anyway, Pat e-mailed me from "someplace in the Midwest," where he was on assignment, to say that he had been so bored that he scrolled through a bunch of LG Reports and found them to be below our normal standard of humor.  He graciously attributed this to the mid-summer intellectual lull -- and doldrums -- that hit everyone.  I'll agree with that, why not?  He also suggested that we open up The LG Report to guest bloggers. In truth, it has always been open to guest bloggers, but only "Mr. Peevey" has taken advantage of the forum, once. 

So if you have a beef, a joke, a rant, an opinion or anything else that would move you to write a guest blog for The LG Report, just send it along to thelgreport@gmail.com.   Unless it's crazy bad, or obscene, it'll get published right here on these hallowed e-pages.  Let's see what you're packin' kids....

Now, to Fidel. 

When my family first moved to Neptune City, NJ in 1974, our local ice cream truck driver was a guy named "Sunny."  He drove one of those trucks with a bunch of external freezer compartments which he'd reach into based upon the treat you ordered.  Here's what that truck looked like in 1974:

The weird thing is, this picture was taken today.  His truck is in the same exact condition 36 years later.  And so is Sunny.  Something is going on here.  Pat, are you reading this?  Please investigate...

The other day, as Sunny drove by my sister's house, I thought that I should do a blog posting about his timelessness, but I missed the opportunity to get a photo. 

Today, as fate would have it, I came across Sunny's truck as I was riding my bicycle.  Pretending that I had to stop to make a cell phone call, I snapped the shot above and this one as well:

That's Sunny in the middle, looking like Fidel Castro.  This is exactly how Sunny, and Fidel, looked 36 years ago.  They never age!

How old could Sunny be?  This picture was taken from a bit of a distance -- I didn't want him to think I was a weirdo or a CIA spy -- but you can tell that he's very Castro-like.  I think I heard him speaking Spanish to that little boy and offering his dad a cigar.  I also thought I heard the word "revolucion." 

Adding to this mystery, I found this picture of Castro on the internet eating ice cream:

The entire picture actually show a full ice cream cone in Castro's communist paw, but I had to crop it to delete the name of the copyright holder of the photo.  I don't want them to sue the little old LG Report for appropriating this likeness. 

Anyway, I think that's Sunny.  Same hat and beard.  And that looks like one of Sunny's Nutty Buddy cones (second door from the right on his truck.)

As far as I know, nobody has ever seen Sunny and Fidel Castro in the same room at the same time.  I'm the first to make this link.   

This ought to give Pat something to think about while he bides his time "somewhere in the Midwest." 

Tomorrow, I'm going down to the warehouse where Sunny keeps his truck.  I think I may find Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iran's Prez) and Kim Jong-il (North Korea's Grand Poohbah) running trucks outta there too....  Pat, gimme a call when you read this post, I've got your career-making nab lined up...

Until next time kids.  Keep readin', likin' and recommendin' The LG Report!

P.S.   Ben from Chicago promises us that the Illinois installment of the 50-State Interview Series will be along shortly...it will be a good one!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The LG Report Recieves a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

You've all probably read by now in People Magazine, or on Page Six of the New York Post, that The LG Report was recently awarded its own star -- a first for a blog -- on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (not to be confused with that ole Walk of Shame that you used to do in college...) 

Not being a Hollywood insider like LG, you probably don't realize that for the first few months of induction, each star on the Walk of Fame is designated with a hand-written note on a page torn from a spiral notebook (see photo above.)  This is a tradition that started with Jerry Lewis. 

Eventually, master sculptors in Paris (the French love Jerry) will carve the official nameplate for the star.  As you can see, the symbol chosen to represent blogs on the Walk of Fame resembles a page of a blog with a big "V" above it.  The "V" stands for "veracity," since most blogs are beacons of the truth, The LG Report included.   

A large group of internationally-known celebrities showed up for The LG Report's star unveiling, including one of LG's childhood favorites, Bob Denver (also known as Gilligan of "Gilligan's Island.")  You've heard the term "blue hairs" to describe older people who've had their hair dyed so much that it appears to be blue?  Well poor ole Bob not only has blue hair but also a blue face:

Nonetheless, it was nice of him to come out to the proceedings.  

And that's not my friend Chris's foot in the photo of the star, despite the fact that he was recently on vacation in Los Angeles. 

That's it for today kids, mosey along peacefully now....