It's finally here, The Second Annual LG Report Cutest Pet Contest!
Please, contain your exuberance. And please don't pee on the rug. Or scratch the furniture.
We asked each person submitting a pet to include one line about why their entrant should win. Unfortunately, not everyone adhered to the one-line limit. So LG is now changing that requirement and will supply his own narrative for each entrant, although snippets of what the owner provided may be included. Hard to say since we haven't written it yet.
You really can't hold us to any particular standard here, sorry.
The rules for voting are simple:
- All votes must be conveyed in a comment to this post. Hence, there will be complete transparency, everyone will be able to count the votes (if they have nothing else to do with their miserable lives);
- Each person may only vote once (if you have different screen names, theoretically you could cheat and vote under each one, but we'll trust you here. It's only for a stinkin' bag of pet treats people!);
- Votes submitted without any name for the voter will not be counted. You must use a name somewhere (thus, the comment could be submitted as "Anonymous" for the profile, but you then must include a name in the comment for it to count. E.g. "I vote for Fido. Signed, Stinky Butt);
- Votes submitted by people with the good sense to be followers of The LG Report will count twice. Yes, it's a cheap ploy to attract followers, but at least we admit it. If you are a follower, please type "Follower" at the end of your vote (LG doesn't have all the followers names memorized) if you want it to count for two. If you don't type "follower," your vote will only count for one.
- Voting ends at 5 pm Eastern Time (U.S.) on Friday, April 8, 2011. The winner will be announced soon thereafter.
Without further delay, here ladies and gentlemen are the 2011 competitors for the title of The LG Report's Cutest Pet 2011:
This is LANDO, the ball-catching dog. Lando is in the center. Please don't vote for the gentleman on the left, we're sure he'll feel insulted. Plus, we doubt he can catch a ball as well as Lando.
Here we have BLACKJACK, a 6-year old male. His owner says that Blackjack is "one of a kind, inside and out." He's smart, loyal and wild. That orange harness is part of his skydiving equipment. He's also wearing a Pandora bracelet around his neck. Don't ask us what the woman in the background is doing.
TUCKER is seen here doing his bird impersonation. He's two years old and has flown south for the winter each of the last two years. The dog tags around his neck weigh approximately the same as Tucker. Tucker loves The Rolling Stones, crossword puzzles and most poetry, but he does not like poems that use words that rhyme with his name. If he wins, we won't know whether to send him dog treats or bird feed.
SCOOTER lives in Pennsylvania (hence the Eagles bandanna) and is six years old (although he was only 4 1/2 when this picture was taken.) His owner says that Scooter "can shake, do a high five, and of course, stick out his red rocket when he gets excited to see me." "Red rocket" was the most risque phrase that we could get past the censors. Tucker reminds us of Charlie Sheen, although Charlie is not that great at high fiving. He's got the red rocket thing down however.
JAKE lives at the Jersey Shore, where he enjoys surfing, sleeping and not watching the TV show "Jersey Shore." He's a deep thinker who measures his words carefully. Jake doesn't like being called "Jacob" (not his name) and he loves his daily walk. He's a Republican.
SOPHIE is seen here attacking an innocent dog toy. She's only a bad dog when she's awake, otherwise she's very well behaved. She chews on just about anything that moves or doesn't, and is great at tracking mud through the house and jumping on people with mud on her paws. She has some good qualities, we just can't think of them right now. If Charlie Sheen were a dog, he'd hang out with Sophie. Coincidentally, Sophie's catchphrase is "Chewing, duh!"
TOBY, says his owner, "is a smart, funny, hyper, trouble seeking, little stinker who loves to string toilet paper all over the house." This photo was taken when Toby was only three months old. He loves playing chess and tinkering with the engines of old cars.
|KIT is a tortoise shell cat who lives in the same house as Toby (above). Unfortunately, she does not like, or get along with, Toby. Kit's owner clearly favors Toby, since she submitted a Playboy centerfold-quality photo of Toby and a dot-matrix, Zapruder Film-style shot of Kit. Poor Kit, no wonder she hates Toby. But at least she has her name embedded in her photo (small consolation, we know...) |
This is COFFEETREE'S CRIMSON CRUELLA, who, according to her owner, is a "killer Doberman ... [and] frisbee toy chaser extraordinaire." It appears that she's wearing a sock on her ear. Don't ask us why. Maybe the owner will clarify in a comment. Cruella's house must have a lot of flies, we note the fly swatter hanging within easy reach. Although it's high-end, personalized fly swatter with the initial "M" prominently showing. Or is that a "W?"
Papoo loves to chase cats, balls and, he says, he's "...the reason my mommy doesn't need a third child!" Papoo's owner needs to seed that lawn a bit, kind of embarrassing, no? Papoo is a big Phillies, Eagles, SixersFlyers fan who lives in suburban Philadelphia. He's hoping for an invitation to the Royal Wedding in England. Papoo was the name of a character in "Seinfeld," we're not sure if there's a connection. Seriously though, get that lawn seeded.
According to his owner, DEACON D. DAWG's "special purpose in life (referencing the Steve Martin picture: The Jerk) is to retrieve the paper, every Saturday and Sunday morning." Here he's seen with an edition of the local paper announcing a guilty verdict. Deacon doesn't read the newspaper himself, although he has been known to make use of it for other purposes at times. He's a big fan of the University of Tennessee's sports teams and loves country music.
So there we have it folks, the entrants in the 2011 LG Report's Cutest Pet Contest. Please get your votes in soon!