Friday, November 26, 2010


It's the day after Thanksgiving and leftovers are everywhere, even here at The LG Report.  Strictly speaking, these aren't actual leftovers, but they feel that way, so we're going with it.

Let's face it, you're so leftover-fatigued by now that you won't know the difference. 

Yesterday started off with LG's sister, MIG, ordering him (she was channeling her inner drill sergeant) to go to the store, on an Emergency/ASAP basis, to buy a turkey baster.  MIG was preparing a Thanksgiving dinner for nine people and she had no turkey baster.  Apparently LG wasn't moving fast enough, because she called him a name that sounded like a derivative of the word "baster."

If LG ever prepares a full Thanksgiving dinner for nine people (highly unlikely), here will be his shopping list:

1. Turkey
2. Turkey baster
3. The rest

As you most likely know, only fools go to the supermarket to buy last-minute items on Thanksgiving Day. 

LG went to the supermarket to buy last-minute items on Thanksgiving Day. 

She's smiling now.  Wait until he pulls out the AARP card.

Here's what LG really loves: When he's in line at a checkout behind someone who appears oblivious, as if they've just smoked a Cheech-and-Chong-style fattie, while the cashier rings up an order that could feed the Fifth Battalion.  Then, when the tabulation is complete, the customer appears shocked that they're expected to produce payment.  It's only at this point that the clueless dope begins rooting around to find their form of payment.  This process usually takes several minutes.  And, in the case of many women, as we've covered previously in this space, it results in the emergence of the dreaded checkbook


Pull up a chair and take a load off, you'll be here a while.

The whole supermarket-on-Thanksgiving experience sucked.  Of course, LG won't have to worry about it next year, because after MIG reads this, here's where he'll be eating his next Thanksgiving dinner:

We hear that the Grand Slam Turkey Dinner is not so bad.

Noit Update: Some of you know Noit and/or will remember the story of how he landed in the hospital following a fall from a tree last month.  We're happy to report that Noit is in a rehab center and progressing nicely.  He will, hopefully, be home before Christmas.  He certainly has learned his lesson: Noit is so cautious now that he won't even look up his family tree (ba dump.)    

Here's a photo from LG's visit with Noit last week:

Noit uses his bandaged arm to wrestle with a donut. Nutritional therapies are clearly not part of his recovery process.

Our last item of the day:

Notice the "Throwback - Made with real sugar, Limited time only" claim?  Back in the early 1980s, LG worked at a 7Up distributorship for four summers.  The weathered veterans used to wax nostalgic for the old days when soda manufacturers used real sugar in their beverages (long since replaced by corn syrup, fructose and other, cheaper, sweeteners).  They said that the real sugar soda tasted remarkably better.  So when LG saw the Pepsi bottle above, he jumped at the chance to try it for himself.

The Verdict: Same crap.  Basically indistinguishable.  Just another corporate fraud.  Or maybe the weathered veterans were just pulling LG's leg.  Either way, don't waste your money on "Throwback" soda.  Throw it back.  That's your LG Report Consumer Tip of the Day. 

Oh, yeah, and make sure you have a turkey baster in your house before Thanksgiving Day, unless you want to stand in line behind a lady with a checkbook. 

See you back here again soon kids!


  1. You just cannot cook a turkey without a turkey baster. Keep an extra on hand for such emergencies!

  2. Funny post! So you really and truly witnessed a lady pull out a checkbook? Seriously? That is SO two decades ago!


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