Friday, September 2, 2011


LG realizes that he hasn't been posting very frequently lately; his apologies to those who feel cheated.  To those who don't, LG apologizes for not making The LG Report entertaining enough to make you feel cheated.  Of course, now LG feels cheated.   

LG thinks the infrequency of posting is due to a combination of late summer doldrums and a lot of other things monopolizing his time right now, including planning a delayed honeymoon to Greece.  LG will try to post photos during the trip, although he can't guarantee that he'll be able to access the internet easily from the Greek Islands.  If he can, the posts will sort of be like National Geographic for juvenile wiseasses.   If you're a regular reader, you enjoy that kind of stuff, admit it.

We have a few orders of business today.

First, the title of today's post, FBP & M stands for the boring-and-bland "Facebook Posts and Miscellany."  That was too much of a yawner to just type outright so LG sexed it up a bit with the acronym.  Acronyms are hip these days.  Does LG have you LOL'ing with him here?  NFW you say?  We understand.

Second, LG would like to thank Eva of Wrestling With Retirement, one of our favorite bloggers, for bestowing upon LG a great honor recently.  LG won a Wet Speedo Contest Caption Contest sponsored by Eva and he received as his prize this cool mug:

As you can see, it may appear to be a coffee mug but, in truth, it's a wine mug.  Thanks again Eva!

Third, LG is going to leave you with some highlights from his Facebook posts during the latter half of August 2011.  These are some of his personal favorites.  Those of you who are Facebook friends with LG (i.e. not actual friends who he'd hang with in person...) can stop reading here and head out to the playground for recess. 

The rest of you are invited to feast your funny bone (we know that doesn't make sense, but that's never stopped us before) on these gems:

Somebody forgot about this.
I just saw a bumper sticker that said "War is not the answer." But what if the question is "What's the name of a very fun children's card game?" I'll bet those genius bumper sticker makers didn't think of that.
I am so eco-conscious that I took down all the "Please Recycle" signs and recycled them. Try to beat that.
Inescapable Rule of Life #236: The later you are for an appointment, the further away the only open parking space.
Did he just Shat?
I wonder if William Shatner got pissed off when people started using the word "shat," as in "I almost shat myself when I won the lottery." It would really piss him off, I'm sure, if people capitalized the word. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this.
Utility deregulation has really gone too far. Now in most states when you get sent to the electric chair you get to choose your electric power provider. Except in California, where you get sent to the solar-powered chair.

I was in a local diner this morning after Hurricane Irene had passed and the guy next to me was complaining that he had no power. "Do you live in that area where all the trees are down?" I asked. He said "No, I'm Vice President Joe Biden."
Mrs. LG says that I've spent far too much time on the computer today. I told her to e-mail me if she has something to say.
Good news, I just read that the Angry Birds have gone into therapy and are now the Well-Adjusted Birds.
Don't blame this man for the Edmond Fitzgerald wreck, he has a light foot.
Thought: If I were a famous singer and I got pulled over by a cop for speeding and he asked for my license, who would I'd want to be? Answer: Gordon Lightfoot. How could he give me a ticket then? Please, don't everyone rush to "Like" this comment all at once. Luckily, there is no "Groan" button.
My TV show was just interrupted with a tornado warning for our county. How bogus, very little chance of a torn
My wife is very concerned about the impending hurricane. Mostly she dreads the thought of power and water getting knocked out and her having to live with an un-showered me for 4 or 5 days. She's panicking!
I'm very concerned about post-hurricane looting. Concerned that I may not get to do my fair share of it with trees blocking the roads. Just kidding, Facebook-monitoring police officers!
First we had an earthquake here in the Northeast and I felt like I was in California. Now a hurricane is coming and I feel like I'm in Florida. Two vacations in a week without leaving town! But tomorrow back to reality: I'll remind myself that I'm in the Northeast by driving somewhere and having a fellow motorist give me the middle finger. Welcome home!


  1. I am a juvenile wiseass so will indeed love the pics from Greece.

    And congrats on the wet speedo contest..... well done


  2. I totally want to subscribe to that version of National Geographic. And truly, coming here is a lot like that: I feel like Jane Goodall, come to study your habits.

    Also loved what you said about William Shatner. Why DIDN'T they name the show Shat My Father Sez. It would have been a PERFECT title!!!

    But I'm concerned about the over usage of potty terms in LG's thoughts on William Shatner: too many scatological references in one paragraph. The Potty Police will be here soon and demand to see your license to take a literary dump in one small area.

  3. This is my fave!...I'm very concerned about post-hurricane looting. Concerned that I may not get to do my fair share of it with trees blocking the roads. Just kidding, Facebook-monitoring police officers!..I think the FB monitoring police would be that kid from the movie the Social Network.
    Have a good honeymoon! Can't wait for the updates upon your return. Are you bringing the big floating turd with you?

  4. Great to hear from you! We all remember what it's like to be a newly wed, so we're not judging you for laxity! We do want to insist, though, that you have the best Honeymoon ever & that you take plenty of perfectly passable photographs of Greece to share generously with those of us who aren't likely to be going there before we die.

  5. LG, you are absolutely awesome. I love how you have conversations with yourself! My very, very favorite was recylcling the "Please Recycle" signs. Ha! I am going to see if you tweeted that out. If you did, I'll RT you. If you didn't, I'll tweet it and say you said it, you crazy, crazy dude.

  6. I enjoyed the "shat" joke. I'll bet if he wasn't offended before he is now (since I'm sure William reads your posts regularly and all...).

  7. I missed the wet speedo contest..... THANK GOD!...........kt


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