Another African Opportunity!

LG is, as you probably know, a well-loved figure in Africa.  He gets emails from people on that continent all the time offering him great riches and honors.  

 

But LG realizes that the average American is not so fortunate.  Thus, as a public service to his fellow Americans, LG offers this critique of a recent email that he received from Africa, a sort of Rosetta Stone so that you may decipher the complexities of African opportunities as only LG can help you.

 

LG's insights are in red below

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US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA
11 GARKI ROAD ABUJA
ABUJA, NIGERIA


THIS MESSAGE IS FROM THE DESK OF AMERICAN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA.MRS ROBIN SANDERS,THE AMERICAN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA [A bit repetitive and not punctuated correctly but LG is sure the Ambassador was in a hurry to get this message to LG.]

Attention: [Walmart Shoppers?]

I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING ON TUESDAY [Now LG is a bit confused.  LG lives in America and this note is from the American ambassador to Nigeria yet he's referring to the United States as "your country." I guess he's been in Nigeria so long that he no longer feels like an American.  That'll happen....] AND I WILL BE BRINGING WITH YOUR FUNDS OF $28M ALONG WITH ME BUT THIS TIME I WILL NOT GO THROUGH CUSTOMS BECAUSE AS AN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT AGENT AND I HAVE THE VETO POWER TO GO THROUGH CUSTOMS. [Impressive!  The ambassador must have veto power over proper grammar and sentence structure too!]

AS SOON AS I AM THROUGH WITH THE MEETING I SHALL THEN PROCEEDE [Ignore typos like this, afterall, the U.S. Ambassador to Nigeria has better things to do than spell correctly.]  TO YOUR ADDRESS. (SEND YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER AND THE ADDRESS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BRING THE PACKAGE).YOU HAVE REALLY PAID SO MUCH IN THIS DELIVERY THAT MAKES ME WONDER. [Intersting, LG has never heard of you or this matter before but apparently he's paid so much already....] 

 

YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I SHALL BE BRINGING IT MYSELF AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT.  [LG bets that Chuck Norris could stop you.]

YOUR PACKAGE ($28M) MUST BE REGISTERED AS AN AMBASSADORIAL PACKAGE FOR ME TO DEFEAT ALL ODDS AND THE COST OF REGISTERING IT IS $200.THE FEE MUST BE PAID IN THE NEXT 50 HOURS VIA WESTERN UNION SO THAT ALL NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT CAN BE [Luckily, both UPS and Fedex know that I regularly receive Ambassador Packages with millions of dollars in them so LG's credit is good with both delivery companies.]

MADE BEFORE TIME WILL BE AGAINST US.SEND THE FEE VIA MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER [LG would feel more comfortable if our country's diplomatic ties with Nigeria didn't depend on someone with the language skills of a goat.]

RECEIVER'S NAME:TONY AKA [Wait a minute, Tony A.K.A. what? Finish that thought so that LG knows what Tony is also known as.  LG didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday!]

ADDRESS: ABUJA, NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHEN?
ANSWER: TODAY
AMOUNT $200

AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION. 

 

MY FLIGHT IS TUESDAY AND I EXPECT YOU TO COMPLY BEFORE THEN SO THAT THE DELIVERY CAN BE COMPLETED. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN IT WILL NOT BE MY FAULT IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE. CHECK ON HERE WEBSITE TO READ MORE ABOUT ME ( http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/biog/99592.htm.) ALSO ATTACHED IS MY INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT FOR YOUR VIEW AND PROOF. [No need to yell Mr. Ambassador, nobody is deaf here and just about your entire note has BEEN WRITTEN IN CAPITALS! THERE HOW DO YOU LIKE IT!!!]

AMBASSADOR Terence P. McCulley .
UNITED STATE OF AMERICA AMBASSADOR [LG found the flaw in this otherwise brilliant scam: This guy is from the "United State" of America.  What has he done with the other 49 states?  And which state is still remaining, LG is moving there pronto to spend his $28 million in peace!]
TELEPHONE NUMBER +234-8164012731  

That's it folks, thanks for stopping by!