Thursday, September 13, 2012

The LG Report Visits Katie Couric's New Show

OK folks, you've read the headline.  Here's how it went down:

BACKSTORY: LG's sister, MIG, asked him to join her and family friend Marge C. (name has been abbreviated to protect the innocent) in the audience of The Martha Stewart Show a few years ago, when LG still lived in NYC.  So he went.  While there, Martha's slaves staff solicited guys to sign up for the all-male Super Bowl show audience.  LG did, brought three friends, and they were rewarded with, among other things, a $350 indoor grill (like a George Foreman grill but 10 times better.)

So, a few weeks ago LG received an email from the new Katie Couric Show asking if he'd like to be in an all-male audience and bring a few friends since he'd been in one before (apparently, that bitch Martha sold LG's info to other talk she'll be going back to the pen for invasion of privacy...)

Hoping for another muy awesome grill or the like, LG said yes, as did his buddies Jimmie and Geo.  Dannie also said yes but had to back out in order to defuse a nuclear bomb under the Empire State Building.  Or take a client to lunch, LG forgets which. 

The show's theme was "Probing the male mind" -- deciphering how men think about things (those "things" being mainly women, the largest demographic of Katie's viewers, by far.) 

The guests were former longtime Sports Illstrated writer Rick Reilly (one of LG's faves; LG has been subscribing to SI for 3/4ths of his life) and two other guys whose names LG couldn't be bothered remembering.  They were all pretty funny actually, although Reilly stole the show (in LG's biased opinion.)

What follows is a pictoral essay on LG and Friends' day with Katie.

Here was the line of guys waiting to get in to the show.  Just to prove that LG and Company weren't the only guys there.  Although these guys were mostly losers, as you can see. The show did request, however, that everyone wear a brightly-colored shirt because "Katie loves to see bright colors in the audience."  The guys in dark blue and purple shirts apparently didn't get the memo.

This was the scene in the "waiting room," an ABC cafeteria judging by the chips and sodas that were on display but that audience members couldn't touch.  That's Jimmie in the foreground (although by the look of the glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, it's Jimmie's grandfather).  He's texting a bet to his bookie. Notice that he's not wearing a watch because he lost it on a horse in the fifth at Aqueduct.  Those guys in the background never thought they'd be so lucky as to appear on The LG Report.  LG received a full waiver from them of course (NOT.)

This a survey that they asked us to complete before heading into the studio.  Those answers belong to some anonymous audience member, not LG of course! (LG wouldn't lower himself to objectifying women like this...)

Geo was so excited this morning when he dressed for the show that he mistakenly wore two different shoes (honest).  As you can see, the one on the left has pronounced white stitching and the one on the right is a penny loafer.  At least the socks match.  Geo says that he throws all of his shoes in a pile, hence the tendency for a mix-up every now and then.  You have a sock drawer, Geo has a shoe drawer.  Just pull two out randomly in the dark and hope for the best.  It makes for good entertainment for his friends anyway. And now you.

Jimmie and Geo pose with Katie for a photo for The LG Report.  Katie said she'd be thrilled to appear.  She also broke down and said that she was a fool for leaving "The Today Show" and hates Meredith.  As you can see, she's much taller in person that you would imagine.  She used to play linebacker for the Bears.  That's a motorcycle chain around her neck.  She lifted Geo by his head shortly after this photo was snapped to get a better look at his mismatch shoes.

Most of these daytime talk shows have a warm-up comedian.  This guy was pretty lame.  He asked people where they were from to discern who came the furthest to attend the show.  One guy said "South Africa" and another said "Australia."  LG, not wanting to be outdone, raised his hand and said that he lives on the International Space Station.  The guy didn't appear to believe it, although he knew he was no match for LG when it came to wit and humor.  At least that's what LG picked up on, and he's never wrong.  Notice the guy and gal making out behind the Katie sign. 

Here's what the audience looked like.  There were some women, as you can see in the back end of this photo.  All of the guys, as you can also see, are watching the "Ellen Show" on their smartphones.

Candidly, LG and Friends attended the show in the hopes of getting another excellent audience gift.  Unfortunately, Katie screwed them.  The gift was a free copy of this bogus book by one of the guests who appeared on the show.  That was it, one damn book.  It's worth about $345.00 less than the gift that Martha Stewart (although a bitch) provided. 

Jimmie was so disgusted that he gave his copy of the book to LG.  So here's the deal: The LG Report reader who leaves a comment stating the most compelling case as to why they want this book will get it mailed to them free (LG will pick up the postage and handling fee).  Leave your comment below (not on Facebook, thank you.)

None of the show's crew would specify when this episode will air, but it should be sometime next week ("Katie" is on at 2pm on ABC in the NYC viewing area; check your local listings.) 

LG suspects that he, Geo and Jimmie may be on camera in the audience because they purposely fake laughed excessively on the way to commercial breaks in order to attract the cameraman's attention.  LG was wearing a bright blue checked shirt, Jimime wore a pink shirt and Geo had on two different shoes.

Until next time, thanks for stopping by!  


  1. Great recap! In fact you wrote it up so perfectly that I feel like I was right there with you. So much so, that I believe I am growing a set of testicles as we speak.

    Keep the damn book. He looks like a douchebag.

    And now, I'mma have to start watching Katie looking for the dude with mismatched shoes (love him already) and of course you in the blue checked shirt!

  2. LG, not surprised your boy Jimmie (who obviously needs to learn how to spell Jimmy) lost his watch in the 5th at Aqueduct . . . since Aqueduct's been closed since April. But tell him not to worry, the Big A opens again in November, maybe he can find it then.

    RBC Class of 1980

  3. Thanks for the play by play! Sorry you didn't get a good prize. Don't put my name in for the book...we're downsizing and I'm trying to sell a bunch of books already!

  4. Thanks for the behind-the-scenes look of the Katie show. Your comments are hilarious. Even though I'm always interested in giveaways, you can keep the book. It doesn't look interesting. Hey - maybe you should ruffle through the pages. Maybe there are dollar bills stuck in them, or maybe even a lottery ticket!

  5. I laughed so hard at this post that I was crying. The mismatched shoes, the losers in the audience, the huge Katie Couric...HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! You are awesome. So happy you had such a cool experience! (OH! And the International Space Station line. HILARIOUS.)

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  7. That was a great post. Next you should consider going on assignment as an enthusiastic audience member of an infomercial and give us a report. I also liked your (not on FB instructions about comments). I hate it when people comment about a blog post on FB. I probably won't win the drawing, but that's ok since I'm waiting for the movie to come out instead.


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!