Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Doggie Door Challenge 2012


Gather 'round folks to hear (or read, technically) the tale of the Great Doggie Door Challenge 2012.  It is, as you know, a world-wide phenomenon (in LG's mind anyway) and has taken the internet by storm.

It all began in 2010 with the Snowpocalypse that battered the Jersey Shore (yes, a precursor to Superstorm Sandy.)  LG was at his sister MIG's house when the Snowmageddon-like blizzard struck. 

The white stuff was so high that it blocked the doggie door.  This was problematic because MIG's two dog friends, Jake and Sophie, couldn't get outside to do their business.  And nobody wants their dogs conducting their business from a home office.    

So MIG grabbed her shovel and headed out through the doggie door (the only feasible way to get into the backyard, since the gates were blocked with 3+ feet of snow) so that she could clear an area for the dogs to relieve themselves.  Being a chivalrous brother, when MIG grabbed her shovel, LG grabbed his video camera.  He knew that readers of The LG Report would need to see this.

In case you missed it, you can see a video of MIG crawling back through the doggie door by clicking HERE .   

This is NOT Dannie.  Close though.


Fast forward to sometime thereafter.  LG and The Lovely Wife were dining at the home of some friends.  These friends happened to have a doggie door.  LG's buddy Dannie, feeling his oats (or Alpo), bet LG five bucks that he, Dannie, could successfully crawl through the rather small doggie door.   

And gosh darn if he didn't.  Woulda made Snoop Dogg proud.

LG paid Dannie the five bucks and threw in some Milkbones too.

Of course, as Dannie was pushing his way through the doggie door from outside the house, he got momentarily stuck and received a number of wet kisses from Mark's affectionate pooches who were anxiously awaiting Dannie's arrival on the other side.  Unfortunately, no video record of this event exists. 

Fast forward again, this time to last weekend. 

LG and The Lovely Wife hosted a bunch of friends at their house for a dinner party on Saturday night.  LG, always being the gracious and entertaining host, jury-rigged a makeshift doggie door (and a narrow one at that) to further test Dannie's doggie door abilities.  It should be noted that Dannie has become a P90X workout fiend and has lost 20 pounds or so since his last doggie door foray.  LG made the doggie door a tight one.

To see a short video of the pre-attempt interviews that LG conducted with Dannie's legion of doggie door fans ("Dannie's Doggs" they're called on the Professional Doggie Door Crawlers Circuit, or PDDCC) shortly before his first try at getting through the door on Saturday night, click HERE.

Now here's where things got a bit tricky. 

Due to a technical malfunction with the video equipment, and through absolutely no fault of LG's or the homemade wine or the homemade limoncello, the camera failed to record Dannie's first attempt at squeezing through the door. 

Which was just as well. 

Dannie rose to the challenge rather easily, so LG tightened up the adjustable door (which LG has since patented, given the high deamand for makeshift, non-functioning doggie doors in America today) and asked Dannie to try again.  Dannie graciously agreed. 

If you'd like to see a short clip of interviews with Dannie's Doggs before the second attempt, you can click HERE.

[NOTE: Dannie doesn't spell his name as "Dannie" with an "ie" at the end.  He seems to prefer just plain ole "Dan," but LG spells it that way in an attempt to annoy him -- even though it never seems to have that effect.  In fact, Dannie has never even commented on the weird spelling.  But, of course, LG won't let up...Dannie, Dannie, Dannie, Dannie, Dannie, Dannie...]

So now we come to the moment of truth, the spectacle that you've all been waiting for...the video clip of Dannie actually attempting to pass through the World's Narrowest Doggie Door (which may not be a strictly true statement, but it's written in the best tradition of the P.T. Barnum School of Blogging).

The LG Report's team of lawyers has advised us, however, that we must post this notice:

WARNING:  Do not view this video of Daredevil Dan and the Doggie Door Attempt 2012 unless you are over seven years old (chronologically, not maturity-wise, that restriction would exclude half of our readers) and you do not have any cardiac health issues.  This video has been rated "I" (for Inane) but the Motion Picture Academy of America.  Any resemblence to any person, living or dead, is strictly coincidental unless it's actually them in the video.  Void where prohibited.  Not valid in Canda. 

Now sit back, grab your bowl of snausages and prepare to be amazed by clicking  HERE! 

That's it for today folks, thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you back here again soon.  Our doggie door is always open. 





 



4 comments:

  1. Ok I'll bite' So we have a doggie door for our small dogs it's a 8x10 opening. The neighbors Large German Shepard with long hair squeezed through trying to get away from the thunder. Once she got the idea she can fit through the door, she kept coming in.
    The husband screwed a bar across making the opening smaller and I'll be darned if that dang dog busted her way through.

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  2. Exciting post--a real nail biter!!

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  3. OMG - I love this! "good thing he shaved his ass".....seriously. And when he kissed his wife, loved hearing their daughter go "ew". Thanks for the laughs!

    On a serious note, trying to get Splenda Daddy to put a doggie door in. Maybe Dannie could come just make us one himself. Doggie Style! bahahahahaha

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  4. Hey you!!!! I have missed you! What could you possibly be doing that is more important than keeping me entertained? All is well here. All is great here! Say hi to your lovely wife!

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The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!

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