Friday, June 24, 2011
The Welcome Wagon
LG recently moved to The Sticks, as you may know. One positive thing about The Sticks (of many positive things, no doubt) is that people are nicer, generally, than in The Big City. LG's neighbor recently stopped by with a bottle of wine and a directory listing everyone who lives in the neighborhood along with their e-mail addresses, cell phone numbers, family members' names, etc.
The Waltons, if they had had cell phone numbers, would've given them out freely to new neighbors, no doubt. In fact, they could've texted each other good night at the end of each episode, thereby saving viewers about two minutes worth of annoying "Good night John Boy" comments...
But LG digresses.
When LG's friend TCH moved to NYC in the late 1980s, TCH's brother Bob, from Upstate New York (where people are renowned for being nice) noticed that the door to the apartment directly across from TCH's was open. Bob was carrying a box when he saw the elderly lady peering out.
"Hi, I'm Bob _______________ (The LG Report does not use last names) from Utica. Nice to meet you," he cheerfully said.
The old lady's response: She slammed the door in Bob's face without saying a word.
Welcome to New York City. Here's our official Welcome Wagon symbol:
Anyway, tonight the neighbors are throwing a little "Welcome to the 'Hood" cocktail party for LG and The Bride [LG may be depersonalizing her with that reference, but at least he's capitalizing it; she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be referred to by name in The LG Report.]
Many years ago, when LG was about to start his first "real world" job after graduating, his mother told him "Don't let your personality show for a few weeks Sonny." LG's friend TCH was there to witness that comment, coincidentally, and he reminds LG of it from time to time. LG is wondering if he needs to keep his personality under wraps tonight with the new neighbors, make a good impression and all. Probably he won't, but at least the thought occurred to him. That's gotta be some kind of progress.
So The Bride thinks that people will be bringing their kids to the cocktail party. LG doesn't agree. It's starting at 7 pm on a Friday, who brings their kids to a cocktail party? But The Bride, with far more suburban experience than LG, says that in the 'burbs, people don't get babysitters unless absolutely necessary, and a neighborhood cocktail party is a family event. In The Big City, where most of LG's cocktail party experience comes from, kids do not attend. Do you see any children in this photo:
No. Neither does LG. But who knows, maybe some people will bring their rugrats tonight. If they do, LG may try to slip the little buggers a can of beer wrapped in a napkin to look like a Coke.
There goes LG's personality showing again...