Thursday, August 11, 2011

This Ain't Right...

... And LG knows it ain't right.  But that doesn't mean he ain't gonna post it on The LG Report nonetheless.

LG and the family were on a mini-vacation earlier this week.  As anyone would normally do on a family vacation, LG wandered into a store that sold magic tricks and gag items while the girls were in a clothing store.

LG found this really neat fake human turd (an "FHT" in collectors' lingo), one of the key items missing from his gag gift collection.  Sure, plastic and rubber dog turds are easy to come by, but a good FHT is a collector's item of considerable value.

Here's a picture of a FHT, although not the actual model that LG bought.  This is just for your academic interest as a potential collector of fake human turds (hey, a person has to get turned on to a new hobby somehow, this could be your epiphany!):

So LG buys this FHT and surreptitiously smuggles it back into the hotel room at the bottom of a bag of innocuous souvenir t-shirts.

LG was prepared with this camouflage maneuver in case Mrs. LG conducted a TSA-like search of the shopping bags.  She never does this, but LG wanted to be ready nonetheless.  FHT smugglers can never be too prepared.  It's one of our admirable traits.  

Like any connoisseur of a good practical joke, LG did not rush into things.  He waited until the next day to deploy the FHT.

An old saying tells us that "Revenge is a dish best served cold."  FHT, like revenge, is best served cold. That's especially true because if you serve FHT hot, there's a chance that it may actually be RHT (with the "R," obviously, standing for "Real."  We know: Eeeew!)

For the benefit of the loyal readers of The LG Report (and we apologize again for the infrequent postings as of late, but things have been busy around here...), LG went to the trouble of videotaping his lovely bride's encounter with the FHT.

Here now, for your viewing pleasure, is the link to the world-premiere of that clip.

Please keep in mind that the brown substance that you are about to see floating in the toilet is indeed a piece of FHT, but if you should have a squeamish disposition, you may choose to forego clicking on this link, thereby passing on your chance to watch the most excellent Sure-To-Be-Nominated-For-An-Oscar short video which awaits you on the other end.

If you do watch, we hope you enjoy it.  We look forward to seeing you back here again soon.  We promise not to be as gross next time (it would be hard to top this one...although if anyone can do it, we think it would be us!)

PS LG received his lovely bride's permission to post this video but once she actually sees it up here she may demand its removal so don't delay if you're thinking of watching it...



  1. You are a lucky man...that she puts up with you!

  2. I'm not convinced that was your ideal product placement.

    Did you not consider the floor?

  3. You are out of your F-in mind!

    Be sure and let us know how she gets you back! Or, maybe have her contact your followers for suggestions. I am sure EVERY one of us could come up with something.


  4. That is just so "gross" to use a kindergarten expression! You aren't still in kindergarten are you, LG? Your poor wife must be a saint to tolerate your boyish sense of humour!

  5. What a horrible thing to do to your lovely new wife! You are lucky if she didn't show you the door! lol

  6. First off let me say that your wife is very, very pretty. And second, let me say that your wife is a saint because if that were me, I'd be beating your ass with a pillow.

  7. You nitwit! That was really awful and your poor wife was very generous to let you show that on YouTube. Mind you I wasn't too shocked I had to put up with a lot of that sort of thing when son was at home.
    Let's face it if you behave juvenilely you will stay youthful for longer- and probably stay single if you play any more pranks like that on your beautiful wife.

  8. LG,

    What is it about bathroom humor that keeps us laughing well into adulthood, or in your case, adolescence? Your wife is a Saint to put up with you, and I think you're great to start my day off with a belly laugh!


    PS - You have entirely too much time on your hands.

  9. 1--Very funny!!

    2--Please have Mrs LG contact me for revenge ideas.

  10. Just how long have you been married? Really? This kind of behavior already? Really?

  11. You really, really had me laughing out loud! The FHT you bought was super-sized compared to the FHT you found to put on your blog. My favorite part of the video was hearing you snort! Hahaha!! I so would've done the same.

  12. Why would she scream over that? It looks real. I mean, has she never seen a real piece of crap floating in the toilet before?

    Next time, I think you should try placing it in the tub...

  13. Two things:
    1. Is it safe?....laughing my ass off! What the hell do you do in there that she needed to ask that?
    2. I love how she screams! Clearly she's not in the health care industry and her children haven't clogged a toilet in a while!
    This was the funniest thing...I needed this!

  14. Yuck. Made me gag a little.

    I also wrote about poop today. So lowbrow of us both... ;)

  15. Wacky! I once saw, in a rather eclectic catalog, a key-hider that was a pile of fake dog poop. I thought it was a brilliant idea.

  16. First, I find it absolutely mind-boggling that FHTs are actually sold, and second, that you bought one. That's the kind of tasteless humor that I would attribute to my son. Or husband. Or son-in-law. Or next-door neighbor. Or Grumpy at work.

    Never mind.


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