I really am going to write a new post soon (I keep saying that, I know...) but in the meantime, here are some more of my Tweets (@LazarusNYC)
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Rembrandt, for all his success, died homeless and baroque.
Something smells bad in here. I think I stepped in a pile of Geraldo Rivera.
We should elect Newt Gingrich b/c he'll relate best to the Chinese - he has more Chins than they do.
Secretariat, Man O' War and Sarah Jessica Parker.
I bought 2,500 Megamillions tickets for my office pool but the one I bought separately for myself won!
Newt was wearing a hoodie in Florida recently but luckily for him it was caught between his 4th and 5th chins and not visible to vigilantes.
My preacher neighbor told me that prayer works but I need proof so I told him I'm praying that he will cut my grass all summer for me.
Rick Santorum's grandparents came over from Italy. They found Mussolini to be too liberal.
I don't have anything against Mitt Romney, in fact he holds the mortgage on every home in my town. County. State.
If Sarah Palin was fat and ugly nobody would pay attention to her. Oh, no, wait, she'd be Rosie O'Donnell!
What BS, I'm flying over the Bermuda Tri
BREAKING: Sarah Palin first to report Russian plane crash; saw it from her front porch.
I'm opening a store that sells a wide variety of decorative walls. Want to call it "Wallmart." Should be no problem with that name.
Police are looking for a guy who is hacking into social media sites. They've identified a person of Pinterest.
At Home Depot I like to sit on all the toilets and when they ask what I'm doing I say I'm playing the Game of Thrones.
I'm only slightly short of a million followers short of a million followers.
I'm so psyched! My number was just called in the lottery to get a place in line to buy a lottery ticket!
My friend says I'm way too skeptical but I don't believe him.
I put $50 into a lottery pool at work. I'm now part of a group with 50 tickets (I'm self-employed)
I can't really get a Handel on classical music.
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OK, that's it for today folks, hope to see you back here again soon. Thanks for stopping by.
Those are good ones! You haven't lost your touch!
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you're not Steven Wright in disguise?
ReplyDeleteCool, great, funny think I like the post..........well you're wrong I didn't like it...........it was boring........lol Yeah you know I am joking don't you I hope you know I was joking this was a cool post amd made me chuckle in places............
ReplyDeleteI really should get a twitter account and follow you, I miss the funnies....my fav was the Newt chins!
ReplyDeleteOh, and any dig at Rosie O is funny
LG! I am crazy about you. Come over here and let me give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteYou are so crazy! You know I love these. Being "homeless and baroque" has got to be my favorite, but the Bermuda Triangle is right up there. Actually, all of them are right up there. If I were a better Twitterererer, I would have seen all of these by now and RT'd the heck outta them.
ReplyDelete