Monday, May 7, 2012

More LG Tweets....

 Kids, has a new format and, frankly, LG is annoyed at having to learn its intricacies, so he's seat-of-the-pants'ing it here.  Below are some Tweets from the last few days on LG's Twitter account, hopefully something in here will make you smile, if not crack a rib.  If you crack a rib, please close this webpage before you call 9-1-1, we don't want to be held accountable (for anything, really...) 

Trojan Condoms is suing Capital One for stealing their ad slogan, which is "What's in your wallet?"

The Washington Redskins say their name isn't racist. In unrelated news, they've banned the sale of firewater after the 3rd quarter.

Benjamin Moore just announced three new paint colors: Mocha, Mahogany and Tanorexic Mom.

Investment tip: If they legalize pot, you should immediately buy stock in Fritos and Taco Bell.

Technology tip: If you accidentally delete a voicemail message, to retrieve it just call Rupert Murdoch.

Tony Soprano would've been more intimidating if his name was Tony Baritone.

If the "tanorexic" mom has too much of a tan, does that make Kim Kardashian "canorexic?"

I'm still learning: My stepson said he was hungry and wanted a hot pocket so I put a lit charcoal brick from the grill in his pants.

Whenever I forget my social security number or ATM code I just call the people at Google.

BREAKING: Rosie O'Donnell to play Sheikh Khalid Mohammed in "A Terrorist League of Our Own."

Junior Seau's family donated his brain to science. The tanorexic mom's family is going to donate her face to Coach.

Tonight is the Super Moon. Last time a moon this large was seen was when Kim Kardashian pulled down her jeans on the school bus in 1997.

In Mexico, their IRS considers you to be a lottery winner if you haven't been killed by a drug cartel.

I won't say it's out of touch, but I would've signed up for a MySpace account but I didn't have a valid Telex address.

I refuse to do my act at The Laugh Factory because they use underage kids to manufacture their laughs. Plus, I have no act.

We  should be back soon with a very funny interview, stay tuned! 


  1. No ribs were cracked in the reading of this post--though I came pretty close a couple of times!

  2. Love them! Speaking of pot. Since I have lost my appetite for the past two months and dropping the ellbees, my doc asked me if I would want to consider pot. It was a joke! But all the more funny since we live in Utah. And are both Mormons.

  3. I'm hacked off by the new format also......Loved the tweets...kt

  4. Hello stranger....good to hear from you. I've been MIA myself but glad to see these tweets. Very funny. Blogger? I have no problem with the changes. Yet!!!

  5. Those were great!!! I miss your posts!

  6. These made me chuckle! Good ones!


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