Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Flat mCat Goes to the Horse Races

That little rascal Flat mCat (see previous post if you missed it) wasn't quite ready to return home to Utah last week.  She insisted on being taken to the horse races at Monmouth Park (known as "The Resort of Racing") on the Jersey Shore before heading west.

Luckily, an LG Report photog was on hand to capture all of the action.

  Here's Flat mCat arriving at the track.  She likes to get there early, she told us, so that she can size up the horses in person and use her patented handicapping system to pick winners.  For a photocopy of a paper plate decorated with Sharpies, Flat mCat is very intelligent.

Flat mCat surveys the action to determine the best viewing spot.  She's partial to standing near the finish line along the rail, but only when it's not wet.  Horses can kick up mud on a wet day, causing a disaster for Flat mCat's hair (which is understandable, considering that it's made of copier paper.)

We managed to keep Flat mCat away from the beer (unlike her outing at Yankee Stadium), mostly because she didn't put up a fight (she said she needed to be stone-cold sober to pick winners.) But boy did her gambling vice spring to life.  As you can see here by the 50 spot, she was wagering rather heavily.  We warned her that she should be more conservative, but Flat mCat waved us off.  At one point, she took a wad of cash from a bag in her pocketbook that was labeled "Retirement Nest Egg."  Uh oh!

Flat mCat had to hit the ATM before long.  In fact, she withdrew so much cash and worked the ATM so hard that she put it out of service.  Bad Flat mCat, bad!  As Flat mCat later said, "The race track is the only place where the windows clean the people!"

But, in the end, as she always does, Flat mCat charmed her way to wherever she wanted to go, including the Winner's Circle.  That's her with the winning jockey after the 8th race.  Before she could get into any more trouble, we loaned Flat mCat the bus fare home to Utah and put her on a Greyhound.  We saw her buy a 40-ounce Budweiser just before she boarded the bus...

It was a pleasure hosting you Flat mCat, come back again soon (but not too soon!)


  1. Good thing you kept mCat from the beer.

    Once they start, you know...


  2. Oh my hell! I am laughing and quite frankly peeing a little while I'm at it! That flat mCat - she is SUCH a naughty girl!

    Love it!

  3. This is such a funny flat mCat, :)))) I like the idea of taking it with you, the main star, thanks for making me laugh, Love it


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