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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life. There was once a street named after Chuck Norris, but they had to change the name because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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We start by giving a shout-out to LG's blogging bud Abe, also known as "Cheeseboy," author of the very funny
Blog O'Cheese. Cheeseboy posted a recap of his Facebook postings a while back and LG, always eager to steal a good idea, jumped on the bandwagon. Thus, below are some of LG's recent Facebook postings for your review.
On the Royal Wedding:
"One disadvantage Kate Middleton has in this upcoming marriage: Someday, when William is bossing her around, she'll no longer be able to say "Who died and made you king?"
"I wonder if at any time during the run up to the Big Wedding in London this week, Kate Middleton has said to William, "Stop being a Royal pain in the ass!"
On Commodity Prices:
"I can't believe it's now up to over $1,500 an ounce. No, not gold, I'm talking about Starbucks coffee."
On Pro Sports:
"Professional golfer Kevin Na carded a 16 on a par 4 hole yesterday on the PGA Tour. Finally, I can say that I golf like a pro!"
On Harry Potter:
A friend of LG's: "Harry Potter comes out tomorrow :) "
LG's response: "I knew he'd have to come out eventually, it was obvious!"
On Deceptive Offers:
"Just once, I'd like a company to defy the 'Void where prohibited' caveat and say 'Offer good anywhere anytime, we don't give a crap about any laws contrary to our offer.' That company would get my business. If you agree with this sentiment, "like" this status and we'll send you a free gift. Void where prohibited."
On The Potential Government Shutdown:
"When the U.S. government shuts, down I'm declaring myself president. Who wants to be my VP? But we must run an honest and principled government. We will only allow our friends to loot. If you copy this as your status, I will spare you from being thrown into a secret jail."
"When the government shutdown occurs and I officially take over as U.S. President, we're going to invade some small countries quickly just to get a few wins under our belt. I'd be nervous right now if I were The Bahamas."
"As you know, the shutdown has been averted and the LG Presidency has been postponed. I want to thank all my supporters but, unfortunately, all of your campaign contributions have been spent on caviar and Rolexes and will be non-refundable. Thanks anyway though!"
On Libya:
"Rumor: Gaddhafi has been captured and locked in a cell with a continuous loop playing the 1-800-CARS-4-KIDS commercial. He's expected to crack any minute."
On the Missouri Tornado:
"That tornado that hit the St. Louis airport couldn't have been that bad, 3 air traffic controllers were able to sleep through it."
"Just saw on CNN that CBS gave Charlie Sheen a drug test today and he passed with a 100% score. He was able to identify every drug they gave him with no problem."
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That's it for today folks, we hope to see you back here again soon....
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Thank you, thank you for the shout out. I am honored. Feel free to steal any idea I have and I will do the same for you.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was the Harry Potter one. Made me laugh and by that, I mean out loud. If only there were an acronym for that.
You are so good!! These were hilarious! I'm still laughing at the Chuck Norris ones. BTW, I didn't mean to offend you yesterday when I asked if you had come up with the captions for those Wal-Mart pictures. Of course you did! They were too funny to be written by anyone else. You should see if www.thepeopleofwalmart.com need any help. You could take that whole website over!
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