Monday, April 18, 2011

Peter, Part Two

During our last discussion involving Peter, which can be seen HERE, we told you how we got him to violently bang his head against a table in a crowded bar.  It was all good fun, of course.

Now we'll relate the story of perhaps an even meaner trick that LG pulled on him, albeit with ample justification.

Before we get to that, however, we'd like to show you a recent photo of Peter in a the Italian city of Sorrento:

We're doing this only to prevent reader sentiment from turning against LG and towards "poor Peter" after you read about this second incident.  Look at how smug Peter appears here, cradling his precious dog Bonsai while luxuriating in an expensive Italian hotel room overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.  Those pants alone must cost at least $3,000 (U.S.)...and that's not counting the batteries!

Now the story:  About ten years ago, Peter, a professional colleague of LG's at the time, came to New York on business.  He set up dinners on two consecutive nights involving LG.  On the first night, he kept LG and another companion waiting for just over an hour at the restaurant.  When he finally arrived (he was staying a scant four blocks from the restaurant), he had some flimsy excuse.  It was so poor that LG can't even be bothered to remember it at this point.

The next night, when there were 12 participants in the dinner, he was a full 90 minutes late.

The restaurant wouldn't seat anybody until the party was complete, thus, 11 people remained standing in the waiting area until King Peter arrived.  LG publicly vowed revenge for Peter's infliction of a second straight day of inexcusable delay.  The old adage says that "Revenge is a dish best served cold," but, in this instance, LG was able to deliver it fresh out of the oven, piping hot.

After the dinner plates had been cleared, Peter excused himself to visit the men's room.  While he was gone, LG was struck with inspiration.  He picked up Peter's desert spoon and, with the handle carefully wrapped in a cloth napkin, held it an inch or so above the flame of a lit candle.  This is not an actual photo from that night, it's a forensic re-creation, and we caution readers not to try this at home:

LG held that spoon above the flame until it was white hot; you could almost see through the metal.  Just when LG saw Peter approaching from across the restaurant, he put the spoon down at Peter's place setting and told everyone else at the table to follow his lead.

Seconds after Peter sat down, LG said "OK, we're going to play a game.  Everyone hold up your spoon."  With that, LG gripped his spoon in front of his face.

With all eyes on him, Peter grabbed his spoon and held it in roughly the same position that LG was holding his.  But for some reason, Peter was not crying out in pain.  He did not throw his spoon to the ground, screaming.  All appeared to be fine.

LG quickly realized that the spoon's handle must've been far enough away from the white-hot tip of the spoon that it was not hot at all.  Before LG could think of the next move, his buddy Rudy, who worked with LG and was sitting directly across from Peter at this large round table, yelled "OK, now everyone...touch your nose with your spoon!"

Peter complied with this directive and, instantly, he let out a blood curdling scream, as if someone had stabbed him in the shoulder blade.

Assist to Rudy.  

Every patron and employee in the packed restaurant turned to look at Peter.  Our waiter quickly scurried over to find out what was wrong. 

"Oh nothing, nothing," we all reassured him, while Peter gripped his nose and groped for the ice cubes in his water glass.

"There, we're even now," LG told Peter.  "You kept me waiting for two-and-a-half hours in the last two nights, now we're all square."

But the jocularity didn't end there.  The next day, when Peter showed up at the New York office for  meetings, everyone he saw inquired as to the origin of the red blister on the tip of his nose.  It lasted for a few days. 

Luckily, Peter is a good sport, and today he's the owner of a highly successful art and antiques dealer, BG Galleries, so he has no time to be bitter over a good ole practical joke from days gone by. 

But he is, we're told, far more punctual for business dinners these days...


  1. Lucky thing for you you posted the back-lit battery powered green pants photo, or I would've REALLY felt sorry for Peter. As it stands now, though, I guess he probably had it comin' (for ruining the fashion reputation of Americans in Italy, alone).

    You're very naughty, Lazarus. Which, is part of why I'm over here reading: you do make me laugh.

  2. Should we be disturbed, or at least concerned, at how quickly your mind works out a plan of revenge? LOL

  3. That was pure evil, and well-desereved!

  4. I like the drawing behind the bed. Too bad you have to stand on the bed to see it. And that is one funky floor. Cruel and unusual. You're such a good sport. Should have turned that interior designer loose on little Peter there.

  5. Is it okay if I steal this practical joke to play on my brother sometime? I can't wait! So stinkin' funny!

  6. Has he been late to a meal since then?

  7. Oh boy... LG, glad you live an ocean away...

    Boy oh boy...with friends like you darling...well, you know the rest...

    You remind me that I was a practical joker in college... (of course that was some 30 years ago.) I did things like put ads in paper advertising a pet monkey for sale with my friends phone number. (monkey named Joey, which was my friends name. I put a disclaimer on the ad when I bought it that it couldn't be canceled without a password..tee hee)

    However, I think you win....

    The practical joker prize goes to: Lazarus!

    Very Funny!


  8. Cheeseboy: Yes, by all means feel free to use it...write a blog post if it turns out well (for you, not the victim...)

    Laughingmom: He hasn't been late for a meal with me since then, I guess that's a beneficial side effect of the whole process!

  9. Peter has not ruined our fashion sense over here in the good old U.S. of A., he is only furthering the cause started by many a great golfers from years past and creepy Speedo guy. You all know that dude.


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