People of Walmart (Continued) Plus Other Stuff...

The LG Report has a number of issues to address today.  Please bear with.

First,we'd like to again thank Becky of Steam Me Up Kid for being our interview subject earlier this week.  She did a truly outstanding job (as evidenced by the comments) and, largely due to her loyal following, The LG Report drew its highest single-day total of visitors on Wednesday (well over 700, but don't make us go back and look up the exact number...)

Second, here's what happened to LG tonight (an absolutely true story): 

LG went to dinner at Pete & Elda's with his sister, MIG, and friends Gail and Stan.  The restaurant was packed, as usual (it has one of the best thin crust pizzas on the planet), so the foursome ended up standing along a wall in the bar area.  MIG, Gail and Stan were engaged in a spirited conversation, whilst LG stood off to the side a bit by himself, examining his Blackberry. 

LG noticed two ladies at the bar who kept looking over at him and whispering to each other.  These gals, appearing to be in their late 40s and, he must say, not unattractive, were sitting next to each other, but were flanked by two gentlemen who appeared to be their husbands. 

The pair kept looking right at LG, to the point where LG finally thought to himself that their aggressive glances were borderline rude (LG is an expert on rudeness), especially when done so blatantly in front of their spouses. 

As usual, LG had it all going on tonight, so he didn't really think it unusual that the ladies were noticing.

Just after that thought crossed his mind, LG, for no discernible reason, turned to look behind himself. 

He discovered that he was standing smack dab in front of the board displaying the night's dinner specials. 

Case solved.
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Now, we come to a few "People of Walmart" photos, provided via an e-mail from MIG, but with LG's customized captions.

Before we get to that however, let's try to figure out what these people might be thinking before they arrive at Walmart dressed like this. 

Here are LG's best guesses (feel free to provide your own theories in a comment below):

• "Walmart is my own private store, nobody else goes there, so I'm gonna show up today dressed like I'm walking into my bathroom to drop a deuce."

•  "I'm gonna head down to Walmart looking like I was just shot out of a cannon. Seems like an appropriate fashion choice for that place."

• "They might be casting one of those zombie movies down at the Walmart today, I'd better go dressed appropriately." 

• "I can go to the Walmart dressed any damn way I please, after all, it ain't like I'm gonna end up with my picture on the internet or nuttin'." 

OK, let's get to it; you have more important things to do than wait to see these pictures:

Playtex used to advertise that their bras were designed to "lift and separate."  This one is clearly excelling at the "separating" part, but not so much on the lifting.  Wanna see her breasts?  Take the elevator to the sub-basement. Any lower and they'd be drilling for oil.

Walmart is now selling "People of Walmart" replica dolls!  There's only one left, lying on its side in Aisle 14, so get it now before they sell out.  They're the next Beanie Babies!  

This woman either has a really hairy right breast, or she's got a first-grader who refuses to grow up.  Either way, not good.

 

Bozo the Clown's widow shops for deli products.  A cast member from "Grey's Anatomy" waits on her. 

 

 Is there a "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty To Bras?"

 

Either this woman was repairing the roof and fell through a skylight onto a customer, or that dude on the bottom just tried on a really sexy pair of shoes.  Film at 11. 

Dude, you're totally busted!  How embarrassed will this guy be when his wife sees a picture of him on the Internet going for the full-calorie Edy's Ice Cream when the low-fat frozen yogurt is only a shelf away? 

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That's it for today folks, come back again soon!

PS We may be posting a Bossy Betty  interview soon.  By repeatedly mentioning it, we're hoping to goad her into finishing up her answers!  

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