Thursday, December 15, 2011

A New Photo and Some Facebook Wisecracks...

LG is going to take a break from the antique photo theme that he's been milking like an old Guernsey in Iowa (Midwestern friends: Did that even make sense?) and hit you with a much more recent photo.  Although be forewarned: LG has plenty more antique photos to post in the near future so don't think you're off ye olde hook yet.  

As you may have noticed, LG is adopting a shorter post format: Get you in, get your laughs and get back on the road.  Nobody makes any money if you're loitering around here.

Mrs. LG recently told LG that she doesn't think he quite has the feel for married life yet.  Apparently, one is supposed to shed the ways of bachelorhood, i.e. no more being selfish, self-centered, greedy, arrogant, etc.  Now it's supposed to be about FAMILY and not just the individual.  So LG, trying to embrace this altruistic one-for-all-and-all-for-one philosophy, volunteered to purchase and hang the family Christmas stockings this year.  Mrs. LG was not too happy with LG's (also known as Lazarus or Laz) efforts for some reason:


Oh well, LG will keep working on it...

We leave you with some recent posts from LG's Facebook account.  This is all original material written by LG, but he hereby gives you permission to use any of it on your own Facebook page or on your Twitter feed (not that you'd want to, but LG is offering in an effort to appear less selfish). 
_____________________________________________________________

Here's a great low-cost gift idea that just came to me. Ask a male friend if he'd like to experience a holiday ballet for free. If he says yes, kick him square in the groin and yell "Terrific, please enjoy The Nutcracker!" Then stand back and watch him double over in pleasure. A great way to spread the joy of the season!
Good news: The FBI just announced that the rate was down 4% in the United States last quarter for violent crimes such as murder, rape and horsing around.
Jerry Sandusky needs better legal advice. He tried posting bail today with $250,000 worth of Hershey's Bars.
I wanted to see "The Descendants" tonight but my wife didn't. Finally, she gave in and agreed to go. To reward her, I'm buying her a gift certificate for 5 speedboat rides. [Note: This will only make sense if you saw the movie.]
Michelle Bachmann pledged tonight that if the majority of Herman Cain's supporters agree to vote for her, she'll close the U.S. embassy in East Germany.
My personal opinion: Where Herman Cain really went wrong was when he leaked to the press that his vice presidential running mate would be Hugh Hefner.
Herman Cain suspended his presidential campaign today. He figured out that if all the women who alleged that he sexually harassed him refused to vote for him, it would be mathamatically impossible for him to win.
Our town is getting ridiculous with cost cutting and budget reductions. For the annual holiday party, the only person who they could afford to play Santa was Jerry Sandusky. Too soon?
 

5 comments:

  1. Serious Laz about the socks? Dude! Flip those around and put the names on the right ones. SHE GETS THE BIGGER SOCK!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It stands to reason you'd get the biggest stocking. I assume your feet are bigger than hers. I KNOW your ego is!

    MERRY CHRISTMAS,Laz!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Of course you get the biggest stocking your the awersome Laz............

    ReplyDelete
  4. my kid saw one of those giant stockings in a store yesterday and said, "holy cow, you could fit a toddler in one of those!"
    and for the record, i really liked your first fb status & i just borrowed it as my own. thanks! i was needing something to make me smile and sound witty this friday morning.

    ReplyDelete

The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!