Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011: Year-End Antique Photos...

Here are some more antique photos that LG harvested for your viewing pleasure from various second-hand stores, antique galleries, the Sotheby's Celebrity Auction, Saddam Hussein's ransacked mansions and the Royal Family of England's Garage Sale.

Snarky captions provided by LG Productions, Inc.  They're fully copyrighted worldwide so please don't try to impress your friends on New Year's Eve by stealing these without our permission.

OK, you have our permission. You drive a hard bargain.

"I hope our baby will grow up to be normal despite looking like a stunted mushroom flanked by two kids.  People in 70 years won't realize that 12-year olds were parents in our day. Stop laughing, this chair would've been worth $15,600 in 2011 if Uncle Stanley hadn't flattened it in 1948.  Too bad Pilates hadn't been invented yet."

"What a great photo of our Woolworth's-bought artificial flowers!  Oh, wait, there are people back there too."  

Notice her slip?  That was considered revealing back in the day, but, it was understandable since she was a 1960's porn star on Super 8 film.  Why is that raccoon sleeping on her head and why is he wearing a shoelace around his neck?  These people later divorced.  She got custody of the flowers, he got the drapes.

"If anyone laughs at this ridiculous tie that I'm wearing in 65 years when they see it on the internet, I'll haunt them because I'll be dead by then.  I'm posing with my meanest 'I'll be dead by the time you see this on a blog' look right now.  Is my zipper undone?  This isn't really a tie, it's two large green beans hanging down off my neck.  You'll call them something fancy like 'edemame' someday.  Stop looking at my large hands and high waist. I'm haunting your basement right now, don't come down here.  Boo!"

"Oh what jokers we are here in 1923, faking like Hurricane Katrina came through this part of Mississippi and upended us all!  You can tell it's fake, however, because we're smiling and not looting flat-screen TVs.  Plus, we're about 85 years too early for the real Hurricane Katrina, but this is hysterical by our early 1900's standards.  Where was 'Saturday Night Live' when you needed it?  And how does our hair and wooden teeth look? We hope our corsets aren't showing.  This photo should attract some fun-loving men in 75 years when internet dating becomes all the rage." 

That's it for this year folks, thanks for your support throughout 2011 and for stopping by today.  The LG Report wishes you all the best in 2012, may it be your happiest year yet!



  1. That last photo is the strangest! What in heck were they really doing???

  2. I have several old photos like these. :-) Not for any real reason, of course. My favorite is of a three-year-old (or so) on a mule, a raised wooden sidewalk in the background, running around a house that appears to have only one window...

    A simpler, far messier time, I'm sure.

    Happy New Year, my friend!


  3. Wow what awesome photos love them and I hope you have a fantastic 2012

  4. Happy New Year to you, LG--& all the LGettes!

  5. This is hilarious LG! I'm laughing out loud...that would be LOL but somehow I always cheesy LOLing, so I type it out in its entirety...anywhatwasmypoint....ah yes, what was with the racoon on that lady's head? Is it wrong to wish her bangs were crooked? Happy new year my friend!

  6. I love old photos. Everyone took it so seriously. Except for those last ladies, apparently.

  7. As much as I love the last one, I keep scrolling back up to the freaky couple with the flowers. That expression on his face makes me think of a masochist killer. The sight of her slip sent him over the edge


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!