Sunday, July 17, 2011

LG Lands A Guest Gig and Posts Some Facebook Updates


LG has two main points to make today.  Usually he has none, but that doesn't stop him from posting.  So this is a bonus.

First, LG has been blogging for about 18 months and not until recently has he been asked to be a guest blogger by anyone.  This is a great honor, it's like turning over the keys to your new Lamborghini to another driver.  Nobody takes this lightly. 

And, to make it even more special, this honor was bestowed upon LG by one of his absolutely favorite fellow bloggers, Kelley of Kelley's Break Room, a very funny, entertaining and creative blog which can be seen by clicking HERE!

LG's guest post will be up until sometime on Monday morning (July 18th) so please check it out when you get a chance.  He thinks it's pretty funny and, as we all know, that's all that matters to LG (what an egotistical bastard he is.  We wouldn't even continue to talk about him if we weren't actually him.)  And please check out some of Kelley's other posts and consider becoming a follower of her blog if you aren't already.  Don't cost nuttin' and you might get a free Coke if you're nice.  Laughs guaranteed. 

Second, LG has a really funny blog post idea for The LG Report, but he hasn't written it yet.  Which reminds LG of a brain teaser:  Five frogs are sitting on a log and four decide to jump off.  How many are left?  Answer: Five, because deciding is not doing.  Good life lesson.  You gotta actually do it to get something done.  

So LG has decided to write this really funny post but hasn't done it yet.  It's coming soon though, hang in there. 

In the meantime, here are some highlights from his recent Facebook status updates: 

News reports are saying now that former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak is out of his coma. According to a hospital spokesman, "He's up and about and walking like an Egyptian."
More details emerging from the Bin Laden mission. Apparently the Navy Seals pretended to be from Publisher's Clearinghouse. They had an oversized check and a cardboard cut-out of Ed McMahon. Bin Laden reportedly said "I never thought I'd win, finally I get my shot!"
I really should update my Facebook profile photo but every time I post a recent picture of myself George Clooney's people threaten to sue.
Technically, atheists believe in no deities. So do they say "Thank no deities it's Friday!?" Or, "Let's go down to TNDIF's after work for a beer and burger." Confusing
‎"If I knew Facebook was going to be invented, I would've written more profound quotes." - Socrates
Everyone in L.A. is worried about this weekend's closure of the 405 Freeway, the so-called "Carmageddon." Here in PA we're expecting gridlock of Pennsylvania Dutch buggies. It's "Farmageddon!!"
Question: How does Facebook know what I consider to be "Top News" vs "Recent News?" I always consider posts mentioning KFC and Slurpees to be "Top News" but Facebook doesn't pick up on that. Zuckerberg is a fraud, no wonder he always hides behind hoodies.
Today is 7-11 and 7-11 stores are giving away free Slurpees. So I went to my local 7-11 and got a Slurped, then drove to Atlantic City and went up to the Harrah's craps table and laid down $1,000 on rolling a 7 or 11 but, unfortunately, I crapped out and lost all my money. Turns out that Ex-Lax was also founded on this day.
I'm always amazed by people who are shocked that their pets mysteriously gained weight. What do they think, that Fido gets up in the middle of the night to make himself a ham sandwich? You people are feeding them!!
I didn't think it would ever happen but I now have a new hated radio commercial more than 1-800-CARS-4-KIDS. It's the avalanche of ads asking "Struggling with $10,000 or more of credit card debt? Need a bailout?..." Yeah, I need a bailout from listening to your stinkin' commercials.
Again, please check out Kelley's Break Room (by clicking HERE ) when you get a chance, you won't regret it. And throw her a follow, the karma will come back to you tenfold. 
That's it for today folks, we hope to see you back here at The LG Report again soon.  That funny post is coming...


  1. For sure I'm heading over to Kelley's to read you! Awesome!
    As for your profile pic on FB, you know my friend, you kid an awful lot about George's kind of one of those "he doth protest too much"...LG and George Clooney sitting in a tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
    PS: Gave you a wee little shout out in the post I am currently composing. It's not much, but it lets you know you are fondly thought of.

  2. Fishducky read your post at KELLEY'S & some of hers & was very amused. Don't you think referring to yourself in the 3rd person is a little pretentious? Frshducky would never refer to herself in the 3rd person.

  3. LG, you are too kind to me! Thanks for all of these nice words and for writing such a hilarious guest post. I loved it! I also really, really love these updates! Ha! I especially love the Socrates and the 'Walk Like An Egyptian' ones. I'm still laughing out loud at them.

  4. Your Facebook statuses (stati?) are so entertaining. I wish I were half-witted like you. Uh...I meant I wish I had half the wit that you have. :)

  5. Those bailout commercials are beyond irritating. I fully agree.

    Your FB updates are funny. :) I definitely giggled at the thought of fido making himself a ham sandwich.

  6. I was just pondering upon the laziness of Socrates. I do believe you've landed upon something there.

  7. I feel so GUILTY for laughing at "walk like an Egyptian"!!! (I didn't laugh out loud: but I sure smiled out loud. :-D )

    I just finished reading over at Kelley's before I came over here: GREAT JOB.

    You know she did that to get her fridge cleaned out, right?

  8. I love your complete lack of humility, LG. Off to read your guest post right now (and it had better be as good as you say it else, else I'll be right back to lodge my complaint for wasting my time trudging all the way over to Kelley's!)

  9. "Favorite Blogger"? I'd be offended, but she's mine too (after yours of course).

    Love the George Clooney one. I get complaints from Zach Gandolofas's people.

  10. I am late to the party! Can I still get in? PLEEEEEEEAAAASSSSEEE?

  11. I love the Socrates "quote!"

    Okay now, LG, where's that funny post?!


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