Friday, July 22, 2011

One Stinkin' Paragraph...

That's all that LG is adding to the end of these actual news stories that appeared today.

LG has been slow with new posts lately, he knows that, but many things have been diverting him.  Please understand. 

LG came up with a new idea today: He takes a few paragraphs from an actual news story and then adds his own paragraph at the end to finish it up.  All of these stories appeared on the very popluar Huffington Post, which is now owned by, and available through, AOL.  

Here we go with the inaugural offering:


Just Seven Atlanta Educators Resign Amid Cheating Scandal

Just seven educators implicated in the Atlanta cheating scandal met the Wednesday evening deadline imposed by interim superintendent Erroll Davis to resign before the district commences termination proceedings.

Davis sent a letter to the implicated educators last Friday, saying that they had until Wednesday to leave their posts, or get fired.

The announcement was made in light of a report that surfaced this month that teachers in at least 44 of the district's 56 schools had participated in various forms of cheating, including erasing and correcting wrong answers on students' answer sheets for mandated standardized test to meet goals for adequate yearly progress reports.

A group of the cheating bastard teachers who did not resign released this statement to the press earlier today: "We no that we didn't do nothing wrongg and we refuze to resign under pressure from the administrashion.  We have dedikated our lives to academik excellence and won't be bullied into quitting any time soon, the stewdents need us."

Greece: European Leaders Set To Give Financial Rescue Fund New Powers

BRUSSELS (Luke Baker) - Euro zone leaders were set to give their financial rescue fund sweeping new powers to prevent contagion and help Greece overcome its debt crisis, according to the draft conclusions of an emergency summit on Thursday.

The leaders met in Brussels after the European Central Bank signaled in a policy reversal that it was willing to let Greece default temporarily as part of a plan involving longer official loans at cheaper rates, a debt swap, a bond buyback but no new tax on banks.

However, as part of the new deal, Greek diners can no longer insist that all baking be done on the premises (thereby spreading the baking revenue around Europe) and they must relax their traditonal - but harsh - policy of  "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service" for members of the European Union.  Steaks, chops and seafood will still be available throughout Greece. 


Michele & Marcus Bachmann's Clinic Targeted In Glitter Prank

A group of gay rights activists targeted a Minnesota clinic owned by Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann and her husband Marcus in a prank involving glitter on Thursday.

The situation that unfolded at Bachmann & Associates Inc. comes in the wake of reports on controversial therapy methods allegedly practiced at the center. The Nation recently reported that the clinic offers reparative therapy, which the publication explains treats being gay as a curable disorder.

Local police subdued the glitter-wielding mob by unleashing whipped cream pies on them.  These pies were of the same variety as was thrown at media mogul Rupert Murdoch in London recently.  "We fight fire with fire," explained local police captain Seymour Butts. 

That's it folks, all we have for today.  We hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it somewhere....hope to see you back here again soon!


  1. Great idea but uh, where are your additional paragraphs?...

  2. Thanks for the giggle this morning. I especially loved the last one.

  3. The first story is a little too close to the truth to be funny.

    ~shakes head mournfully~

  4. Loved the Greek diner one best. I miss a good Jersey diner. No such thing down here in SC. Homefries. Give me some good homefries with onions and peppers!! Yummmm

  5. Loved "...dedikated our lives to academik ezcellence...the stewdents need us...". Do you think it would be funnier if it weren't their true thoughts?

  6. The education piece was too close to the truth.

  7. This was a brilliantly creative take on the news. Kinda wish I would have thought of it first.

    They all resonated with me, especially because Salt Lake City has a HUGE population of Greek people and they all seem to have diners. (Some of them VERY good.)

    But the best one for me, was of course, the teacher one. Morons.

  8. Pie? Did someone say pie?...sorry, this carb depleting diet has me zero-ing on certain words of the pastry variety!
    Great idea LG, this ad-libbing of the news. Much more interesting than what was actually written. As per usual, I find myself basking in your brilliance. Now what was that you were saying about pie?

  9. The Greeks are in so much financial trouble because everytime they finish a meal they smash all the plates. Must cost a fortune.

  10. You should offer your services as a journalist. A lot of them are pretty good at fabricating stories, too.

  11. Well, now, I looked you up to congratulate you on a job well done at Carol's place and here you are coming up with a new meme...WHAT A GUY!

    I definitely think this is a fantastic idea.

    However, are you sure that the last paragraph on the Teacher's article is not the actual response. I have known a few teachers exactly like that! kt


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!