Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Mystery Author Visits The LG Report...

LG is somewhat new to the blogging game, but he has picked up on certain universal characteristics and laws of bloggers.  One of the common themes seems to be: "Try to get someone else to write your blog for you if at all possible."

Check.  LG is on that bandwagon.

So, for today's post, LG came up with three random, nonsensical sentences and asked a blogging friend of his to write a three-paragraph story, using each one of these three sentences as the opening line of a different paragraph.

Your job, dear reader, is to try to figure out which of the five bloggers listed below wrote this very funny and entertaining story based on her writing style, choice of words, etc.

LG is providing the link to each of these blogs (and all are women in case you're wondering about the use of the feminine pronoun) and the author will reveal on her blog that she wrote this story at LG's request (so you'll have to visit the blogs to get the answer).    

Here are your five choices:

1. Pearl of "Pearl, Why You Little..."

2. Kate of "Hotdishing"

3. Sandra of "Absolutely Narcissism"

4. Kelley of "Kelley's Break Room"

5. Eva of "Wrestling With Retirement"

Now here's the story, crafted from the three first lines supplied by LG.  If you ask LG, and he knows you will, the author did a terrific job of weaving them into a cohesive piece of writing...

1. Maggie stood in front of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Disneyworld on a sweltering day holding Mickey Mouse in a headlock while her three children looked on in horror. Actually, she stood in front of what she THOUGHT was going to be Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, an original ride when the park opened in 1971, dressed as a green amphibian in a suit & bowtie holding Mickey in a headlock. When she was at the park last in 1982, it was RIGHT THERE! Now, Winnie the Pooh and his "hunny pots" were where Mr. Toad used to be and she was beginning to become hysterical over it all. All she could talk about for MONTHS to her husband, Mick, and her three kids, Maybelline, Marcus and Milton, leading up to this trip was how fun it was going to be to see Mr. Toad again and now he was GONE! She went to great lengths to keep Maybelline from focusing on Cinderella, Marcus from focusing on Goofy and Milton from focusing on Dumbo just so they'd have a place in their hearts for Toadie and now Toadie was basically dead. Just as Maggie had made this horrific discovery, Mickey's big smiling head came bouncing up with his entourage on their way to a parade. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" was all that could be heard as Maggie pulled herself away from staring in disbelief at Pooh's orange mug, ran toward that huge, rich rodent and wrestled him to the ground. "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MR. TOAD? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MR. TOAD?!"she yelled into Mickey's plastic face. He just kept smiling but a gruff, male teenage voice from inside the gigantic plastic head yelled, "THAT STUPID RIDE WAS CLOSED IN 1998, YA FREAK!" She heard Minnie crying along with Mick, Maybelline, Marcus and Milton, and, before she knew it, she was handcuffed sitting in an interrogation room at the front of the park sobbing like an infant in a dirty diaper without a drop of milk.
The Princess with Naveen, the prince frog
2. The police officer had left the window of the interrogation room open while he went to use the men's room, tempting Maggie with the thought of escape. After saying a quick prayer that he had a bad case of diarrhea to buy her more time, she caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror. Her bow tie was a bit cockeyed and her green make-up was smeared. She was ashamed of herself and knew that she had let Toadie AND her family down. Suddenly, she heard flushing and without giving it much thought, leaped out of the window like the amphibian she was deep down inside. After untangling herself from the green bushes and spitting leaves out of her mouth, she looked to the right and then to the left in a crouched, amphibian-like position. "HEY, YOU!! YOU'RE LATE FOR THE PARADE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE FRONT WITH THE PRINCESS, BUT YOU MISSED IT! JUST GET IN THIS TRUCK! YOU'LL BE ATTACKED BY KIDS WANTING AUTOGRAPHS IF YOU DON'T!" Before Maggie could say otherwise, Herman, one of the parade help, had hoisted her over his shoulders and then sat her right down in the middle of a white pick-up truck with balloons and streamers covering it's every inch. He was the last truck in the parade. "What??" was all Maggie could utter, but Herman was too busy getting into the cab of the truck to hear a word the green lady dressed as a man said.

3. Maggie was stunned that practically the entire town had turned out for her parade, as she rode down Main Street in the back of a crudely decorated pick-up, smiling and waving to the gathered masses. She couldn't believe she was even IN a parade! From the yells of the crowd, it seemed that a new frog was loved in town and his name was Naveen. NAVEEN?! She tried to yell above the roar of the crowd that she was the Mr. Toad NOT Naveen, but no one heard her. "I'M MR. TOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAD!!! DOESN'T ANYBODY REMEMBER MR. TOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAD?????" They just thought she was really getting into character. In the meantime, the police officer had finished his restroom break and was searching frantically for Maggie. As he ran down Main Street, he saw the green skin, familiar suit and bowtie on the back of the truck, shook his fist in her direction and jolted off toward the white truck. The crowd started folding in behind the truck as the parade came to a close and blocked Mr. Police Man from getting to her. As he got closer and closer, he could see the love in the eyes of all the park goers over Maggie and her frog charade. At that very point, Maggie caught his eyes and the eyes of Mick, Maybelline, Marcus and Milton who had just gathered right behind him, smiled sweetly and waved. Mr. Police Man threw up his hands in surrender and Mick and the rest of the M-crew began cheering and hopping around like frogs to honor their new parade queen. Maggie was then asked to be Naveen in all of the parades. Her family soon moved in to the Cinderella castle and they all lived happily ever after.

Bravo says LG, very well done!

To find out who wrote this masterpiece, visit the blogs listed above.  We hope to see you back here again soon, and, as always, thanks for stopping by.  


  1. Now I've seen all kinds of posts, ones with guest bloggers, one with Q & A about certain bloggers but this is a clever one. Just a little of each. You have a guest blogger with a twist!

    I'm gonna go with Kelley over at the break room!

  2. Great idea, LG. I cheated though and went straight to The Breakroom to have Saimi's suspicions confirmed.

  3. This takes a lot of effort. I will return tomorrow with my wits in tact...

  4. I knew it was not Pearl or Sandra. I read those two regularly. I was unfamiliar with the other three. I'm not sure you can take this challenge unless you read them regularly. Fun idea though!

  5. Since the police officer had diarrhea, I'm very disappointed that Kelley did not use Pepto Bismol in her story.

    But...maybe she's branching out....

  6. Pearl has a different style.

    This is Kelley and I know Kelley!

    Great story!

  7. Kelley. This is so Kelley, it hurts.

    ummm...and I also stopped in The Break Room before coming over.

  8. LG, this was so much fun!! YOU are the hilarious & creative one!

  9. I hate to burst anybody's bubble--or break the rules--but I know it wasn't me! I'm SO swamped right now that I've fallen behind in my blog reading. *sorry* But this is fun, so thanks LG.

  10. OK. With my wits about me I say Kelly. She does words in CAPS when she's excited, JUST AS I DO! I especially know it's her because she said, "this was so much fun!" :)

  11. Excellent idea LG. What was the sentence she chose? ... ... ... kt

  12. KT my friend: Kelley didn't have a choice, I gave her the first sentences of three consecutive paragraphs and she had to build a cohesive story around them, which I think she did...quite well!

  13. I'm so glad nobody made Maggie a dog!


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!