Friday, July 1, 2011

The LG Report's Interview Series Sits Down With...LG!

Things have been a little hectic lately (moving into a new house, planning a wedding, getting married, etc.) and LG hasn't had as much time to devote to The LG Report as he would like.  So, for this installment of The LG Report's Interview Series, LG decided to stick close to home and merely interview himself.  Brilliant idea, no? 

What's that, you said "no?"  Oh well, we're going with it anyway, so strap yourself in while LG checks himself out in the mirror..

The public has spoken.

The LG Report:  We must start off by noting that you look particularly handsome today LG.

LG: Thank you LG, you look very fetching as well. 

The LG Report: We have to start off by asking you the obvious: What's it like being confused for George Clooney and Brad Pitt in public all the time?

Actually, not LG
LG: Interesting, LG was going to ask you the same question. 

The LG Report:  OK, let's move on from this topic, we can hear the readers yawning already.  What has been your greatest thrill in writing The LG Report since it debuted in December of 2009? 

LG: Probably when Sarah Palin told Katie Couric in that now-famous interview that The LG Report was one of her daily trusted news sources.  Every other highlight since then has been "palin" in comparison.  [insert groan here]

The LG Report:  But wait, didn't she also say that Africa was a country?

LG:  It's not?

The LG Report:  You recently got married, how's that going.

Still not LG, but good guess!
LG: (Looks around)  Great.  Great.  Ixnay marriage-skay questions.  No, seriously, it's awesome, LG wishes he had done it days earlier.  No, really, LG's wife is truly awesome and that's sincere.  LG has to say one true thing in here.  She rocks.

The LG Report: And you moved from New York F'ing City to The Sticks of Pennsylvania.  How's that? 

LG: Great.  In New York LG had to tip his doormen, the taxi drivers, the garage attendant and many others; in The Sticks we only tip the cows.  [Editor's note: No actual cows were harmed in the asking of this question, so back off Mr. Audubon or whoever protects cows.]

The LG Report: Are you convinced that President Obama was born in the United States?

LG didn't expect an umbilical cord to be this gross. But he  posted the photo anyway.
LG: LG knows that the President produced his long-form birth certificate, but LG would still like to see the umbilical cord.

The LG Report:  You're somewhat weird. 

LG:  Takes one to know one.

The LG Report: You have some very childish responses to my intelligent and probing questions.

LG: LG is rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of him and sticks to you.

The LG Report: Why did it take so long for you to get around to this obviously narcissistic act of interviewing yourself?  One would have thought you would've done this long ago.  You have one of the biggest egos 

LG: LG was too intimidated to approach a great person like himself; he was afraid of being rejected. 

The LG Report: Who has been your favorite interviewee in The LG Report's Interview Series so far? 

LG: Good question, LG wishes that he had asked that.  Oh, wait, he did.  LG would have to narrow it down to Eva, Kate, Pearl, Liz, Patty, Lee, Dannie, Kelley, Linda, Sandra, Abe, Rodney, Carol, Dion, Becky, Bossy Betty, Chris, Ben... let's see, who is LG missing...

The LG Report: Seriously, we need one.  Stop kissing everyone's butt to get more shout-outs on other blogs.

LG:  OK........Sandra, because she showed skin in her photo.  Not that LG noticed.

The LG Report:  Abe showed skin too. 

LG: He's #2.

The LG Report:  What's your position on the budget crisis?

LG: Vertical.

The LG Report:  You're not making much sense, would you like to run for President? 

Kevin Turkey Bacon
LG: Yes, thank you.  LG is health conscious, he'll head the Green Tea Party ticket.  His favorite actor is Kevin Turkey Bacon.  

The LG Report:  Not really funny.  Got anything better?

LG:  Wow, you're a harsh critic considering that you're me.  LG would punch you in the face right now if it wouldn't hurt both his hand and his face. 

The LG Report: OK, like a recently-caught sea bass, we're going to wrap this up right now.  Any last thoughts for our audience?

LG: Yes, thanks for stopping by, we love the blogs of all the bloggers mentioned above, as well as all the other good sports who have volunteered to be interviewed; they are truly cool (the links to many of the blogs written by the bloggers above are in the column on the right, check them out!)  We hope you keep stopping by, there's some good stuff coming up soon, including an interview with Carol, who just wrote this most excellent book, "Miniskirts and Laughter Lines," which can be ordered by clicking HERE!   LG hasn't actually read the book yet (it will be out in paperback soon, but is available as an e-book now), but he will before he interviews her.  Authors can always tell when you haven't read their book before you interview them.  LG has had the unpleasant experience of being called out by an author for not having read their book in a number of countries, such as France, Germany, Bolivia and Africa.

Hope to see you back here again soon!  


  1. Once again, the interviewer was obviously much more intelligent than the interviewee. Is interviewee even a word where you live? It is, here in my country of North America! By the way, I HAVE read Carol's book & I LOVED it!

  2. You consistently make me laugh out loud!!! I love the questions you askwered. I know you got that joke.

  3. Is it possible that you've outdone yourself? No, I don't think you. I know you have plenty more where that came from :)

    Can't wait to read your next interview with Carol. Will she be making history on the LG Report as possibly the first person to be granted two interviews by your esteemed self?

  4. No, I don't think SO...I really need to get my specs checked!

  5. OH, I'm SO confused...Are you a twin or a clone or what? If you asked the questions of yourself how come you didn't know the answers in advance and just not ask the obvious of yourself? This is all giving me a headache. I either need aspirin or gin.

  6. You wanted skin? I could have given you skin. I have plenty of extra hanging off my arms.

    A searing, breath-taking interview here! How did you put up with that annoying interviewer?

    I had no idea I was also following your wife's blog. I feel a little confused now and may need to sort this all out with a therapist.

  7. Wow! That was a tough one. But you're skilled. I think you let him get away with being too vague though. Better luck next time!

  8. Desiree: Yes, you are correct, Carol will have the honor of being the first two-time interview subject. I know she's totally thrilled! Bossy: Never too late to submit your skin photos! Joan: He was a tough interview, I have to say. It was hard to pin him down to a time that he was available, our schedules really conflicted...

  9. What a brilliant interview and guest choice. I so enjoyed it. Does it mean that if I show some skin I could get interviewed? I'm not shy! haha.

  10. You are so funny! And be careful cow-tipping; if one falls the wrong way, you could get hurt! I grew up on a farm, so I know these things!

  11. This was your best interview, seriously hilarious! I think you should interview you all time. Come on, it's not like all questions were answered in one interview. We still don't know if LG wears boxers or briefs! Seriously, this was all kinds of awesome, definitely your best post ever! See, I'm all about the narcissism in other people too. :)

  12. I liked this blogger best - he rocks bigtime! hee hee.
    I'm seriously honoured to be a two-time interviewee and will I have to show some skin this time? Maybe I could bring Hubby along and he could show some skin...that would earn interest from the female followers?
    You get better and better at this LG-Mrs LG must love being married to such a funny guy.
    Thank you again for plugging my book.
    Carol aka Facing 50 with Humour

  13. 'Scuse me: you forgot to kiss my butt.

    Not that I noticed....

  14. Truly engaging, insightful and thought-provoking content... a masterpiece of journalistic talent!

  15. I look forward to future name calling/self congratulating interviews with yourself. They are hilarious.

    I showed skin?! Obviously not enough.


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