Saturday, August 27, 2011

Chew On This



Mrs. LG, as we'll call her, since use of her real name may result in LG's loss of the use of his right arm, was not so happy with LG's recent comparison of her with Lucille Ball. 




Mrs. LG meets LG for the first time.
LG considers that comparison to be a compliment.  After all, Lucy was an international film and TV star; who wouldn't enjoy such a comparison? 

Well, Mrs. LG didn't, apparently. 

LG asks those who agree with him to weigh in with a comment.  Those who disagree should just sit on their hands.

Here's another way that LG feels that Mrs. LG resembles Lucy:  Shortly after Mrs. LG gave birth to her first child 19 years ago, she gave up chewing gum.  She said it was too strenuous given all of her mothering responsibilities.  It wasn't until recently, after her youngest child turned 14, that she resumed chewing gum.




So, according to Mrs. LG's way of thinking, we're to believe that chewing gum is a physically exhausting endeavor. 

Really? Seriously? 

Mrs. LG says that other mothers out there will understand, and relate to, her position. 

LG doesn't buy it.

But, just to indulge Mrs. LG for a moment, let's have a glimpse into her world of gum chewing:

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John: "Kathy, would you like to join the new gym that just opened up down the street with me? I hear that they have state-of-the-art equipment!" 

Kathy: "No thanks John, I just bought a ten-pack of Juicy Fruit at Costco.  I'm going to work out with that for a few months." 

____________________________________________________

Warming up for the big gum chew.


Drill Sergeant"SO YOU WANT TO BE A NAVY SEAL SON?  WELL THIS OUTFIT ISN'T FOR WIMPS! SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF BY CHEWING THIS PACK OF BUBBLE YUM IN UNDER FIVE MINUTES OUR YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!"






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ESPN Announcer: "It's hard to believe that Lance Armstrong is back for a try at his 8th Tour De France victory at his age.  But he says that he's been chewing Double Bubble regularly and is in the best shape of his life." 

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You get the point by now.  Chewing gum as exercise.  Not really believable in LG's world.  

LG suspects that once Mrs. LG sees this post, his head may have an unexpected meeting with the business end of a rolling pin.  Luckily he's been chewing a lot of gum lately and his head is in pretty good shape...

  


















 

13 comments:

  1. I agree to some extent with Mrs. LG. Chewing gum is effort exerted for no good reason; hence, I gave up chewing gum when I left high school.

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  2. I'm sorry Mrs. LG, but I have to agree with Mr. LG. Now, maybe the reason she gave up chewing gum was because she was chewing the wrong kind. Yeah, that's what it was.

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  3. Of course chewing gum is exercise! You're doing reps with your jaw muscles, aren'r you?

    Mrs.LG--I assume you've considered breaking his arm regardless of the results of this survey.

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  4. The only thing I can say is that if it weren't for chewing gum 25 years ago, I would not have been able to quit smoking 2 packs a day cold turkey. I had to chew something all the time. I'm staying out of newlyweds domestic disputes!!!

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  5. The more you chew, the more agitated you get so in that sense it's tiring. Would Mrs LG consider living in Singapore where chewing gum is illegal? I guess Mrs LG is insulted about the Lucille Ball thing because latter acted quite the...bird brain wife? She's quite violent huh Mrs LG, gathering from what you wrote...oooops!

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  6. I'm on Mrs. LG's side.

    (Although I will point out that Lucille Ball was one of the first and most successful female producers ever.)

    Chew on that, why doncha?

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  7. Hahahaha!!! Oh, LG. You kill me. Chewing gum isn't strenuous. I will have to agree with you there. The thing is, she may be doing more than most when she chews gum. Maybe there is a way that she chews gum that is unlike most. She might use more energy than the average person when she does it!

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  8. I don't chew gum, so am unqualified to comment. I doubt Mrs LG resembles LB in any way. For one thing Mrs LG knows how to use a rolling pin. Look at LB. She's clearly intimidated by her man. Mrs LG just whacks her man over the head. So, no, I cannot in good faith support you, LG.

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  9. I'm not allowed to chew gum (a rule made by my family and students I taught). You see, I pop my gum. Can't seem to help it. So, I have to recuse myself from this debate since I haven't been a gum chewer for years.

    However, if I were you, I would sleep with a night cap on your head. I think a Lucy type might put chewing gum in the hair of her spouse, just to get even.........kt

    P.S. If you get a chance read my post tomorrow.

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  10. Lucille Ball would not shag Superman, although The Hulk would get a look in.

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  11. I'm casting my vote with Mrs. LG! At least about the Lucille Ball thing. On the chewing gum thing, well, it really makes me work up a sweat when I chew.

    Namaste..........cj

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  12. One, Lucille Ball the teh awesome.

    Two, she gets to define what exhausts her. Not you! :)

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  13. I typed in: salads with goat cheese and was directed to The LG Report. Congratulations to
    the newlyweds!
    BarbaraG

    ReplyDelete

The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!