Sunday, November 6, 2011

Geography... As Taught By The LG Report!

It has recently come to the attention of The LG Report that the American public in general, and readers of The LG Report in particular, need to brush up on their geography knowledge [although, make no mistake, readers of The LG Report are far smarter than the average person.]

So let's get started.  Grab your assigned seat, leave your gift of an Apple (iPad) on the teacher's desk, and prepare to get your learn on.  No dipping pony tails in the official HP ink cartridges (they cost $45 each).

This is Nigeria. It's in Africa.  The retirement funds of a lot of American people are in Nigeria at the moment, although not many Americans are with them.  If you're currently awaiting a large inheritance from a previously-unknown Nigerian relative, please consider investing in The LG Report's upcoming IPO. We promise to use proper English when soliciting your money.

This is France. The French don't like you. They don't even like you looking at a map of their perfect country.  Get your dirty, hairy, low-class American eyeballs off this map.  Move it along before we call a gendarme...

This is China. Everything that's touching your body right now was made in China.  Everything that you buy in the next year will be from China.  If you adopt a child, he or she will be Chinese.  The next take-out food you order will be Chinese.  In fact, this caption was written by an outsourced Chinese freelance writer (which explains why it's not that funny; he was intentionally holding back to protect his country.)

 This is Greece.  

This is Mexico. Just looking at a photo of it is dangerous. 

This is an aerial view of Canada, as seen from NASA's American-made Pioneer YRT-983 satellite. Yes, we just made up that satellite designation, but Canadians won't know.  However, that's really how Canada looks from outer space.  The Canadian capital city, North Pole, is designated by the puck.  Not visible:  All the igloos.

This was really the only photo to represent Sweden that we could find.  Seriously. 

This is Florida.  Designated in green, orange and yellow are the counties where the majority of residents are slow-driving, early-buffet-arriving, government-complaining, blue-haired retirees from Up North.  Don't laugh, you'll live here for part of the year some day.

That's it folks, today's geography lesson from The LG Report.  We hope that we didn't offend anyone, but if you're actually annoyed by something on this blog, you need to reassess your emotional stability.  Or just move to Florida now. 

We hope to see you back here again soon!


  1. Welcome Back! This is a great kick-off post to lift you from your recent hiatus/blogging constipation or whatever it was that you used as a lame excuse for not entertaining us as regularly as you used to. I'm still laughing at how astute your geography lessons are. I do hope you'll be teaching us some more and, if so, I've booked a front row seat for each of your lessons, even though I'm not an American and I have a pretty decent knowledge of world geography, having studied it all the way through school. I'll try to remember my Apple next time :)

  2. Way better than the classes we had to take in school :)

  3. I understand why you used that particular picture for Sweden. A beautiful representation of the lush mountains & valleys found there.

  4. Glad you made it back from the west least I'm assuming you are back. The geography lesson is much appreciated. You can tell just be looking at the map how dangerous Nigeria is and why so many of our relatives die there in plane crashes and car accidents.

  5. The best one with the least amount of words was Greece. Hysterical even thought it's really not funny. Great post. But then they always are!

  6. Love the humor in this! Oh and thanks for the Geography lesson! "SMILES"

  7. Weird that was the only pic I could find of Sweden too. =)

  8. Great geography lesson. I thought Greece was shaped like a boot. Or maybe I'm confusing that with Italy.

  9. The repor on France made me laugh and snort. Since my daddy's family is Spanish-French. And yeah, they don't like us much.

    Greece with the empty pockets was hysterical

    But I beg to differe on Mexico. Everything on the north west and north east side is in fact dangerous but if you get straight to Cancun, and never leave the's actually paradise!

    Next up, I think we need a geography report for each state in the US. Would love to see what you come up with for Utah


  10. Greece cracked me up! Love this and it probably is a good representation of how my children's teachers learned. My daughter's HIGH school History teacher told her that two of the US states had MN for an abbreviation because "they ran out of them and had to repeat." You should be a teacher. Everything would at least make sense.


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!