Friday, January 27, 2012

Recent LG Tweets

LG had a really great idea for today's post...but he didn't get around to writing it.  Thus, he's recycling some of his recent Twitter comments (or "Tweets" for those of you living under a rock) for your reading pleasure.  Enjoy!

The captain of the Costa Concordia admitted that he was using a Mayan compass.

Breaking: The Czech Republic, in order to seem more modern, is changing it's name to The Pay Pal Republic.

I said to manager of Home Depot: There's no mirror in the self-check out lane, how do you expect me to check myself out?

Breaking: Arizona accepts $20 million a year to rename state "Arizona Iced Tea." .......... Psych, no it didn't, early April Fool's!

If I were a physical therapist who was really into his job, I'd drive a PT Cruiser.

New campaign slogan: Newt Gingrich - Not as big a piece of crap as you thought!

This is year of the Dragon, was year of the pig in 2011 and in 2010 year of Rosie O'Donnell.

I got arrested for streaking thru Chinatown. Turns out it wasn't Chinese "nude" year, I mis-heard that one. Oops.

If we are what we eat, I just met a guy who must gorge himself on Prick Oven Pizza.

My wife says I spend 68% of my time on Twitter + Facebook. That's surprising, I forgot I had a wife.

Newt Gingrich is sponsoring a golf tourney in Georgia in honor of his marriage: The Atlanta Open.

If I could only invite one historical figure for Thanksgiving dinner it would be George Washington Carver.

Italian Coast Guard is seeking a way to raise a very heavy load that is on its side. They've contacted Rosie O'Donnell's personal trainer.

Gingrich = He drinks "Gin" and he's "Rich." Damn that extra "g" in the middle, ruins my joke.



  1. FUNNY STUFF, LG! But as brilliant as I am, I didn't get the "renaming Arizona" one. I know it must have something to do with their anti-illegals law or Texas tea, but what? Explain, please.

  2. Some great, some terrible. Got to take the rough with the smooth.

  3. Loved this. Thanks for making my day. Gotta check you out on Twitter to get this first-hand! EFH

  4. You gotta million of 'em!!


    p.s. Hey, do you know how I can get a hold of fishducky? She leaves comments on my blog, lovely comments, but I can never track her back! He'p me!

  5. Those are great! Love the Atlanta Open!

  6. Oh, these are awesome. I'm going to Twitter RIGHT NOW to RT some of them.

  7. "how do you expect me to check myself out? There's no MIRROR!"


  8. I need to learn how to tweet. I'm missing out.

  9. Look at the funnies I miss not being on twitter. This explains your extended absence on FB.

    I guess I have to break down and check out this twitter crap

  10. I decided that the worst thing about having no internet was not being able to come here. I have been suffering from a horrible depressed illness 'DepriLGitis' It is caused by serious withdrawal symptoms resulting from not being able to visit your blog and have a laugh. Thank goodness I am back.


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!