Friday, January 27, 2012

Recent LG Tweets


LG had a really great idea for today's post...but he didn't get around to writing it.  Thus, he's recycling some of his recent Twitter comments (or "Tweets" for those of you living under a rock) for your reading pleasure.  Enjoy!
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The captain of the Costa Concordia admitted that he was using a Mayan compass.

Breaking: The Czech Republic, in order to seem more modern, is changing it's name to The Pay Pal Republic.

I said to manager of Home Depot: There's no mirror in the self-check out lane, how do you expect me to check myself out?

Breaking: Arizona accepts $20 million a year to rename state "Arizona Iced Tea." .......... Psych, no it didn't, early April Fool's!

If I were a physical therapist who was really into his job, I'd drive a PT Cruiser.

New campaign slogan: Newt Gingrich - Not as big a piece of crap as you thought!

This is year of the Dragon, was year of the pig in 2011 and in 2010 year of Rosie O'Donnell.

I got arrested for streaking thru Chinatown. Turns out it wasn't Chinese "nude" year, I mis-heard that one. Oops.

If we are what we eat, I just met a guy who must gorge himself on Prick Oven Pizza.

My wife says I spend 68% of my time on Twitter + Facebook. That's surprising, I forgot I had a wife.

Newt Gingrich is sponsoring a golf tourney in Georgia in honor of his marriage: The Atlanta Open.

If I could only invite one historical figure for Thanksgiving dinner it would be George Washington Carver.

Italian Coast Guard is seeking a way to raise a very heavy load that is on its side. They've contacted Rosie O'Donnell's personal trainer.

Gingrich = He drinks "Gin" and he's "Rich." Damn that extra "g" in the middle, ruins my joke.


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10 comments:

  1. FUNNY STUFF, LG! But as brilliant as I am, I didn't get the "renaming Arizona" one. I know it must have something to do with their anti-illegals law or Texas tea, but what? Explain, please.

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  2. Some great, some terrible. Got to take the rough with the smooth.

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  3. Loved this. Thanks for making my day. Gotta check you out on Twitter to get this first-hand! EFH

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  4. You gotta million of 'em!!

    Pearl

    p.s. Hey, do you know how I can get a hold of fishducky? She leaves comments on my blog, lovely comments, but I can never track her back! He'p me!

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  5. Those are great! Love the Atlanta Open!

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  6. Oh, these are awesome. I'm going to Twitter RIGHT NOW to RT some of them.

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  7. "how do you expect me to check myself out? There's no MIRROR!"

    GUFFAW!!!!

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  8. I need to learn how to tweet. I'm missing out.

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  9. Look at the funnies I miss not being on twitter. This explains your extended absence on FB.

    I guess I have to break down and check out this twitter crap

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  10. I decided that the worst thing about having no internet was not being able to come here. I have been suffering from a horrible depressed illness 'DepriLGitis' It is caused by serious withdrawal symptoms resulting from not being able to visit your blog and have a laugh. Thank goodness I am back.

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The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!