Saturday, February 12, 2011

Doggie Redux

Note From The LG Report's Executive Suite: This is a re-posting of one of our most popular entries,  The LG Report's Cutest Dog Contest.  These are the photos and descriptions of the contestants.  First-time readers of this post will learn which dog won at the bottom.


Without further adieu, we proudly present the entrants in the 2010 LG Report Cutest Dog Contest:

Contestant #1:  Brune, who resides in Marin County, California, has the unique ability of being able to point to the closet bowl of dog food with her ear.  She holds (in her mouth) a master's degree from UC Davis, and has done a bit of runway modeling for Doggy + Gabana in the past.  She's a Libra and loves a moonlight stroll on the end of a long leash.  She's fluent in French, English, German and Dog.  Num num nummy...

Contestant #2: Busby is not begging for your vote, rather he's clapping for his favorite contestant on American Idol  (let's hope mentioning that show gets us some Google hits).  Busby lives in Yonkers, New York and enjoys surfing, hang gliding and playing the stock market. He recommends investments in Ralston Purina and Petsmart at the moment.  His owner never suspected that her fingers would figure so prominently in a national competition.  Looks like a nice manicure anyway.

Contestant #3: Doc holds (also in his mouth) a doctorate in psychology from Kansas State University.  He's a playful lad who was only too happy to stick his tongue out for the camera ("No thanks Doc, I use toilet paper!") (Sorry, we couldn't resist that one...)   Docky loves Agatha Christie novels and snuggling by the fireplace with his favorite squeaky toy.  He's also a big fan of HOB's "Curb Your Dog and Your Enthusiasm."  Doc lives in Boston's Leather District.  No, it's not like that though.

Contestant #4: Ellie is the sister of Contestant #1, Brune.  Also residing in Marin County, California, Ellie is a zealous crusader for a greener earth, although she admits to making certain parts of our planet brown about twice a day.  Ellie, as you can see, is a bit camera shy.  She's a master of origami and worked for a while writing jokes for Don Rickles.  She loves Manolo Blahnik chew.

Contestant #5:  Heidi perfected this "come hither" pose while working as a model for Calvin Klein Canine Jeans (advertising motto: "How does my butt smell in these jeans?")  Here Heidi looks out the window of her Long Branch, NJ home while waiting for Paris Hilton to pick her up for an evening out with the girls.  Heidi once dated heartthrob actor Eric Dane of "Gray's Anatomy" fame.  They had an ugly break-up, however, and Heidi left a big McSteamy on his front lawn, hence the nickname.

Contestant #6:  Herbie's parents were infatuated with the music of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass and wanted to pay homage to him with the name of their son.  Herbie grew up to become a musician himself, and later went on to play with Don Ho's band in Hawaii.  This photo was taken after a gig in Maui with Don and the boys.  Later in the evening, Herbie painted the town red with Don and his family, so, basically, he was partying with all the Ho's that night.  Herbie fell on hard times for a stretch, but eventually beat his Snausages addiction and moved back to the East Coast.  Herbie lives in Boston and runs a habadashery (never expected to see that word again in your life, did you?) for small men.  Herbie has been Snausages-free for six years, three weeks, four days and seven hours.  Congrats Herbie!

Contestant #7: Jake, a resident of the Jersey Shore, is a follower of Zen Buddhism.  He lives the mellow life, unless you ride by his house on a bicycle.  Not a fan of physical exertion, except on his nightly walks, Jake prefers to chase only parked cars.  Sometimes he's so tired that he has to take a nap before he can work up the energy to go to sleep.  Jake was once married to Rosie O'Donnell but, he tells us,  "I couldn't stand her loud mouth and constant yapping.  And she was always breaking into my treat stash."  Today Jake is a practicing CPA with the international accounting firm of Price Doghouse.

Contestant #8: Here we see Lilly romping in the leaves with her buddy Steve.  Lilly lives in the Albany, NY area, where she was once Lieutenant Governor of the State of New York.  Lilly resigned because she couldn't stand all of the incompetence in state government.  She also says that envelopes full of Milk Bone biscuits were regularly passed under the table. Lilly enjoys painting, collecting U.S. Postal Service Letter Carrier hats and scrapbooking.  She currently makes her living as a cartoonist.

Contestant #9: Ralphie is a Brittany (no relation to Spears) from the North Shore of Massachusetts.  He's a former sea captain out of Gloucester, MA and was an extra in the movie "The Perfect Storm," where he played a dog named Ralphie.  Contrary to what some believe, Ralphie was not named after Ralph Kramden of "The Honeymooners," but rather another TV character: Ralph Malph of "Happy Days" [See photo on right for resemblance.]  Ralphie devotes significant time to children's charities.  He also asked us to mention that he hates broccoli.  [Editor's Note: None of the prizes for this contest contain broccoli.]

Contestant #10: Skipper got her name back in the 1990s, when she was the captain of a charter sailboat out of Catalina Island, California.  However, years of ferrying Hollywood stars around the Pacific wore her down eventually (Skipper was briefly married to Jeremy Piven), and she hung up her life vest and waterproof collar years ago to retire to the Orlando, Florida area.  Skipper (also sometimes called "Skippy") enjoys fetching Tolstoy books, watching the New York Yankess and doing Sudoku puzzles. 

Contestant #11: If Satan had a dog, it might be Sophie.  Wait, that's not Satan!  Actually, Sophie is "still just a baby," as her owner is quick to point out when she chews up your favorite...leg.  Sophie still has plenty of time to learn her manners, her owner reminds us.  We just hope that the teacher quickly gets to the part of the course about not farting when people are watching TV near you.  As a purebred German Sheppard living at the Jersey Shore, Sophie enjoys her beer and bratwurst when not playing volleyball or riding the waves.  She's currently studying modern dance at Julliard, but moonlights as an exotic dancer to pay her bills.  Sophie once won an episode of "Are you Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" by gnawing all of the other contestants to death.  She also enjoys knitting.

Contestant #12: Star is a mini-Doberman.   Here she's pictured trying to sneak up on Trick-or-Treaters while disguised as a pumpkin.  Star is not realistic when it comes to picking out disguises.  This pooch resides in the City of Brotherly Love and is an avid fan of the Philadelphia Flyers, Phillies and Eagles.  "The Sixers you can keep," she says, "I'd rather watch Villanova basketball."  Star is a licensed pilot who loves to chase U.S. Postal Service planes.  She's also an avid reader of The LG Report and says she'd love to grab a bite of Geo someday.  Oops, we mean a bite with Geo.  Typo.

Contestant #13:  Sunny the pug is a state senator (Independent Party) in Vermont.  Sunny graduated with a 3.4 GPA from Penn State University (she turned down a full scholarship offer to be the Yale mascot) with a major in Food Science.  She relocated to Vermont to accept a position as a senior "taster" with Ben + Jerry's Ice Cream in South Burlington.  Her rise through the political ranks of Vermont has been swift.  The Burlington Free Press called her a "PUGnacious campaigner with dogged determination."  That green collar was given to her by PETA in recognition of her efforts at passing eco-friendly legislation.  When her new dental insurance kicks in she'll have that one protruding tooth corrected, so back off.  Yeah, you.

Contestant #14: Tippy VIII is a descendant of King George of England (what other dog would have a "VIII" after his name?) and occupied various posts in the English Parliament before emigrating to Philadelphia.  In this country, Tippy VIII is a professional philosopher and can be seen here contemplating the right tree to bark up.  Tippy VIII loves to watch polo matches (and chase after the horses) and is a big fan of Manchester United.  But he's adopted some of the traditions of his new country, preferring a good old Philly cheesesteak over scones and tea any day of the week.  And, as an Englishman, Tippy VIII likes to hoist a good pint or five.  On some occasions, Tippy has been known to become Tipsy Tippy. Lotta work for that punchline, we know.    
Postscript: Contestant #10, Skipper, won the contest in a close vote.  She received a bag of treats, for which she sent us a very nice thank you note.  
That's it for today folks.  We look forward to seeing you back here again for a new post soon.


  1. I would have voted for #3 or #12, but I like this meme.

    Why don't you have another one so I can enter Totally tubular Toby?

  2. This has been a delightful post!!!

  3. Can I adopt them all please? Glad I saw this today. I'm sending you a big slobbery cyber hug and kiss for Valentine's Day.

  4. I could not pick just one. Although seeing Ralphie and then your mention of Ralph Malph made me go, "Awwww, I miss Happy Days!" Gotta go now, I must master Heidi's "come hither" model know, just in case I ever get scouted by Victoria's Secret. Don't laugh. It could happen. I do display my lingerie proudly after all.
    You are fantastic as always. And now must go read the Justin Bieber movie review. I'm supposed to see it with my daughter next week so need to know what I'm in for!


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