Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The LG Report 50-State Interview Series Heads to the 51st State: Canada!

Welcome, dear readers, to the next stop in The LG Report's 50-State Interview Series.

In this installment, we scratch our international itch again as we head up north to Canada.  We're catching up with the lovely and talented Sandra, authoress of the very popular blog Absolutely Narcissism. [And we ain't kidding; she has more people following her than Lindsay Lohan in a jewelry store.]   

LG warned Sandra that his questions would be a bit snarky, and, possibly, U.S.-centric, but she agreed to take on the challenge nonetheless.  Sandra, as you'll see, is not one to toe the line of Political Correctness.  In fact, the only time her toe touches Political Correctness is when she kicks it in the ass.  On top of that, she's pretty damn funny and we highly recommend that you give her blog a look.   

Now, it's time for you hosers to fire up your Canadian language translators, aay, and join us as we head north to Winnepeg....

The LG Report:  Sandra, thanks very much for stopping by today.  Please park your dogsled over in the corner there and we'll get right to the hard-hitting questions:  Why do you live in Canada?  Can't you just sneak down across the border?  Don't all Canadians, deep down, want to live in America?  

Sandra:  Fuck you, LG.
A plane-load of Canadians sneaking in. aren’t writing that down, are you? ‘Cause I don’t want the readers thinking I support that kind of language. I have a reputation for being politically correct and I’m quite proud of it.

The LG Report:  You write the highly-successful and entertaining blog "Absolutely Narcissism," which can be accessed by clicking HERE.   What's your favorite topic to write about, if you have one?  And, actually, we assume it's your "favourite," not "favorite."

Sandra: Of course it’s “favOUrite!” And I love love love writing about myself! Of course some people might think that I would run out of blog fodder only sharing stories about me, but somehow I never tire of posting pictures of my life:  pictures of me in the cutest dress, me in this super cute pair of jeans, me in this great bikini which totally shows off my chiseled abs…
Yes, it's really her.

Every once in awhile I’ll switch things up and post pictures of items which are representative of me, such as my sexy negligee, my sexy undergarments, my sex toy…ummm…can we scratch that last one out. I don’t actually own any sex toys. I wouldn’t want your readers to get the wrong idea about me…so you scratched that out?...Good, thanks…     

The LG Report:  Who's the Mayor of Canada these days?

Sandra: I think it’s Barack Obama?
…I’m not actually 100% sure though because I tend to avoid anything news related. It cuts into the time I spend staring at myself flexing in the mirror.
This is Sandra again.  Yes, really.  Between the cursing and this photo: Goodbye The LG Report's G-Rating!

The LG Report:  If America got into a war with Mexico, who would Canada support?  Remember, Mexico doesn't have any NHL teams. 

Sandra: …yawn…I’m sorry…did you say something? I tend to zone out when the topic is not about me…

Sandra, reading about someone else.

The LG Report:  Why does Canada have its own bacon?  What makes you so special?

Sandra:  Well, I’ll have you know LG, that the Canadian bacon you speak of can also be substituted as a hockey puck.

The LG Report:  You live in Winnipeg.  That's not really on most Americans' radar, although we've heard of the town, home to the famous recreational vehicle maker ("I'm driving across country in my Winnipeg recreational vehicle.")  What's the best aspect of living in Winnipeg? 

Sandra:  Oh Winnipeg is fantastic! It’s a little chilly for 10 months of the year, but June and July are awesome! Who wouldn’t love a place where you can leave the confines of your igloo for two whole months!

The LG Report:  Actors Mike Meyers, Michael J. Fox and Michael Cera are Canadian, as is singer Michael Buble and retired hockey great Mike Bossy.  Question: Do you have any other male names in Canada besides "Michael?"  

Sandra: Of course we do. You really shouldn’t make such assumptions, LG. For instance, my brother’s name is NOT Michael. It’s Mike. See!

The LG Report:  Speaking of famous Canadians, your country seems to have far more than its share of funny people.  Besides the aforementioned Mike Meyers and Michael J. Fox, Canada was also the birthplace of  Jim Carrey, John Candy, Dan Aykrod, Norm MacDonald, Phil Hartman, Rich Little, Eugene Levy, Leslie Nielson, Seth Rogan, Martin Short and, of course, you, Sandra, of "Absolutely Narcissism."   What makes so many Canadians inherently funny?  Does Canadian Club have anything to do with it?

Trying to get our G-Rating back.
Sandra: Well, you can only play so many hands of Go Fish when you’re stuck in the igloo for ten months.

The LG Report:  Would you rather watch an Olympic ice hockey game featuring the Canadian men's team with a cold Labatt's in hand, or attend a German Opera in a much-too-hot theatre seated next to a smelly homeless man?   Think this one over.   We have all day.    

Sandra: Is the smelly homeless guy good looking?

The LG Report:  If you could have dinner with any famous Canadian, living or dead (sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, we know), who would it be and why?

Sandra: Ok, so we’re not talking about the good looking smelly homeless guy anymore?

The LG Report:  Can you get us some cheap Viagra?  Wait, scratch that question.  It won't appear in the final edited version.  Different question:  On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate the obnoxious and arrogant country that is America? 

Sandra: I’m confused, just a second ago we were talking about a hot looking guy…

The LG Report:  What do you think is the biggest myth that citizens of other nations believe about Canada?

Sandra's feet were not visible in the bikini photo.
Sandra: That it’s always cold here…Are you ok, LG? Can I get you something: hot tea? Hot chocolate? Hot water bottle?  It might take me a few moments to make it to the kitchen; my left foot hasn’t been the same since it got frost bite in 2007.

The LG Report:  We haven't asked this question before in the Interview Series, but we think this is the time to bust it out:  What question should we have asked you that we didn't and what's your answer to said question?  

Sandra: You never asked me if I truly believe I will rule the world.  And the answer is yes!  Absolutely. Have you seen my Ugg collection? Anybody who owns this many pairs of Uggs has nowhere to go but up.

Sandra displaying some of her Uggs.

Thanks very much for being here today Sandra, we appreciate your good humor and willingness to step into the spotlight despite your modest ego.  We didn't need that stupid ole G-Rating anyway... 

We love your blog and hope that your success will continue to multiply.  And we encourage our readers to stop by at Absolutely Narcissism to check out your entertaining work for themselves.

That's it for today folks.  Please come back again soon.  And don't forget this week's special: Signing up to follow is free (and we won't even ask for your bank information to send you an inheritance!)    


  1. Loved this interview, Lazarus! Your questions are so intellectually probing (deep, man, deep!) and this is very important in view of the fact that Sandra has professed to wanting to rule the world. Your readers need to know exactly who we'd be dealing with, in the event of that situation ever becoming a reality.

    I've never visited Sandra's bog and will do so forthwith! Many thanks for introducing her to us.

  2. i do enjoy sandra, and not just in the viewing of her pictures kind of way. she's pretty funny & posts pictures of her ratty undies. yay for a confident woman!

  3. I've never visited Sandra. Thanks for introducing us! I'm headed there now. Good interview.

  4. Great interview! Will check her out.

    You might want to interview
    He is interesting and gives me a lot of laughs. kt

  5. Goes to show you how memorable I am...Eva Gallant has visited me on numerous occasion! lmao!
    Maybe I need to post more pics of myself so she's completely sure the next time she's at my place.
    Again, thanks for the opportunity Lazarus, this was so much fun!

  6. Sandra, it was my pleasure, the early feedback is that everyone loved your interview, even Eva who is just getting familiar with you for the first time -- again! I enjoyed the process and even though The LG Report may lose its fictional "G" Rating, it was well worth it, thanks again!

  7. I love her site! Great funny interview!

  8. Always a good giggle from Sandra's blog.
    I'm a Canadian who lives in Calgary but really spends more time working North of Fort McMurray (aka buttfuck northern AB) and I wonder why she lives in Winnipeg.
    It's effin' cold there! At least she has the whole workin' hard rockin' bod going thing for her. I go for the usual doughy Canadian look.

  9. I'm a huge fan of Sandra, so I immediately followed The Ruler's order to come over to this site ASAP. Best thing I did all day (while at work). Great interview!

  10. Great interview! I love Sandra, she always makes me laugh.

    Also, I'm half-Canadian, so I think there is a kinship there.

    Maybe not?

  11. Great interview! Sandra is hilarious.

  12. Funny funny lady!
    One thing is for sure, when Sandra rules the world, walls would be made of mirrors.

  13. she is too good!!! very witty and a beautiful person!!

  14. Found your blog through Sandra...guess I'll jump on the bandwagon and follow...looking forward to reading more from you...gotta go take my happy pill & hit the hay (zoloft makes life easier)...(not that you care...I have a big mouth)...I'm horrible at Wordless Wednesday...imagine that.

  15. I think it's Sandra's modesty that makes her so likeable, don't you agree?

  16. Sandra is bullshitting you. It's only warm in Canada in July. June is freezing.
    -from one of the 53 other people who live in Canada

  17. It's clear that Sandra has a lot of followers who think the world (ruler) of her. She's close to driving a record number of comments for one post on The LG Report -- and LG had to bribe people to comment on the one that did set the record. Her followers will set it by the time this is over, no doubt. Lemme know when her Campaign to Rule the World starts, I'm in for a contribution!

  18. The interview was as funny as the blog. Anything that has me snorting coffee all over my MacBook and cackling out loud (more than usual) is an instant follow. I'm in. Sandra for president!

  19. Very funny, LG. I almst want to go to Canada. Okay, not really. But very funny LG!

  20. Good one, LG. As an honorary Canadian (Minnesotans get a free pass and all the snow they can spare) I felt right at home with this interview.


  21. Everybody loves Sandra but she asked "ME" to run away with her. I'm the chosen one!! haha.

  22. Sandra is da bomb! Gotta love that woman, and that was a great interview. Yep, Lazarus. We will pretty much follow her anywhere. Don't you want stalkers like us? :)

  23. Came here from Sandra's site. Great interview. But what about the all important curling question?

  24. Yeah, and what about Beaver Tails? It's greasy fried food AND it sounds dirty -- I'm surprised Sandra didn't bring it up herself. Oh wait, she doesn't eat... :)

  25. Sandra is just awesome! Go girl!

  26. Funny, intelligent, very good looking (sorry LG I'm talking about Sandra) what isn't there to like about this woman. Damn I'm green with envy!
    As always, a fantastic interview. I think Sandra should have been allowed to talk more about herself though.
    Looking forward to your next interview Lazarus.

  27. Blessings.....
    Pretty interesting interview. She is a funny woman.

  28. I followed a comment from Sandra to this blog and so glad I did! Let me know if you make a stop to use the facilities in Wyoming. Dammit, we KNOW it's windy here, you don't have to keep telling us...

    Also, isn't the RV a Winnebago? I saw it on The Real World Road 1990.

  29. Love, love, love Sandra!!!!! One of my first reads every day. Maybe because her blog starts with an A so its at the top.


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!