Thursday, February 10, 2011

Double Good Fortune!

Every once in a while, LG can't help but ridicule these ridiculous, poorly written e-mails from Africa.  Here's the latest:   

Dr. Bright Jude
From the Desk of Dr. Bright Jude (Good thing he's not Dr. Ignorant Jude)
Director, International Remittance
Foreign Operations dept, (What's a doctor doing working in the Foreign Operations Department?  Surely you must have sick people in your country deserving of a doctor)
Oceanic ATM Visa
/Credit Card Bank International Plc. (LG wishes he had a dime for every bank with "ATM" in its official name.  But it says "Plc" at the end, so it must be real...)
E-mail: ( ("Globomail?"  Is that like "RoboCop?")
Direct Telephone number: +229-664-009-90 (The phone number has a "+" sign in it, so you know it must be official.) 

Attn,Dear  ("Dear" who?  Are you writing to your spouse?)

Could be us...
We are officially notifying you about the present arrangement to pay you, your long over due outstanding winning lottery  price through (ATM Visa Express Credit Card).This arrangement were initiated/constituted by the World Bank and Paris Club, due to fraudulent activities going on. (We're glad the widely-respected "Paris Club" is involved, we know this is on the up-and-up.  Sam's Club would also have our trust.  Even, possibly, the Hair Club.  And we're thrilled to be winning a lottery that we never heard of or bought a ticket for, now that's lucky!)

The World Bank and Paris Club introduced this payment arrangement as to enable our contractors/inheritance beneficiary to receive their fund without any interference. The Visa Card was contracted and powered by GOLD CARD WORLD WIDE. (Not "GOLD CARD WORLD WIDE" in all capitals!  Now we know you mean business!  GOLD CARD WORLD WIDE is the most prestigious of the fake African companies we've seen to date!)
Reconfirm the following information to us for Security reason. (Capitalizing "Security" makes it seem safer)

1) YOUR FULL NAME_____________________ (How did you track me down without knowing my name?  This is starting to sound fishy...but go on...)
2) YOUR RECEIVING ADDRESS____________ (This differs from my Kick-Off address)
3) YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER____________ (MurryHill 8-4597)
4) YOUR PROFESSION____________________ (By spelling it"Profession" we can tell that spelling is not your profession)
___________________________ _(That's an awfully long line for my age, how old do you think I am?  I find this insulting...)


Upon the receipt of this mail we are going to load your total funds sum of $1.2M into the ATM Visa Express Credit Card and send a scan copy of the card to you before we will proceed to dispatch the card directly to your nominated home address so you absolutely have nothing to worry about all we need is your Prompt Response and Co-operation by Gods Grace we will have a successful Transaction. (That's a very long and nonsensical run-on sentence, but, apparently, when doling out millions to strangers you can't be bothered with using proper English.  You have a lot of typos in there too, but we won't be picky since we're winning a lottery that we never entered.  Never look a gift e-mail in the mouth!)

We awaiting for your immediate response, as you contact (These seem like fragments from three or four different sentences.  Like a sentence bomb exploded.  Looks us to you honorable winnings anyway funds.)

CONGRATULATIONS IN ADVANCE. (THANKS IN ADVANCE!  We really could have waited for you to congratulate us retroactively, we're about to give you all of our bank and social security information, thanks us after that.)

CC: ALL FOREIGN INHERITANCE FUNDS (You didn't have to bother all of these busy people with copies)
CC: BOARD OF DIRECTORS [FPD] (Yeah, FPD, we agree!)

Too late, we're on board. 
CC: ACCOUNTANT GENERAL DIRECTOR (We wonder if he knows the Senior Controller Executive Manager Vice President)
BANK SECURITY ALERT.  (We feel better with "Bank Security Alert" on being notified, we know nothing untoward can happen with those guys involved.  All of our personal info is on the way!)


  1. Aren't those letters pathetic? I get them often. I can't understand how there are people out there who are stupid enough to get scammed by letters like these!

  2. Amazingly, there are those who are still lured by the suggestion of big bucks and who jump right into the plo,t happily divulging all their personal particulars! None so blind as those who WILL NOT SEE!

  3. I wonder how many poor old people get sucked into this?

    Too bad the news media doesn't dump this weeks Lohan buzz and report more on warning consumers about this kind of stuff.

  4. How can people be so stupid to be fooled by such e-mails!! Then, I realise, I'm one of the very few gifted with intelligence.

  5. "Like a sentence bomb exploded."

    Oh that made me laugh.


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!