Friday, February 11, 2011

The Justin Bieber Movie Reviewed!


Here's the review of "Never Say Never":  It sucks. 



Seriously, regular readers of The LG Report will not be surprised to hear that we didn't see this movie.  You know when we plan on seeing it? Never!  

There JB, we just said "never" even though you told us not to.  What are you gonna do about it?  Don't screw with LG or he'll mess up your hair. 

So why the blog post?  Do you think we're pandering to the millions of teenage girls Googling "Justin Bieber Movie" just to rack up extra hits?  

Is that how little you think of The LG Report's integrity?  

Well, err, um, you'd be right.  But we're sure it sucks anyway.

You're probably feeling about now that you deserve more, possibly even a real review, after being sucked in by the misleading blog post title.  OK, here we go:

Justin Bieber's expression while watching his movie.
Never Say Never was a totally flat film with no appreciable acting, music played much too loud and too frequently, and, overall, the zeitgeist (always a good word in movie reviews) didn't accurately reflect modern-day social-economic complexities.  Nor did this movie probe the multi-layered emotions of today's young adults as trapped in the neo-psychological matrix of society's subconscious. Also, it sucked. 


Did that work for you?  We hope so.






LG's friends Lee and Janine both offered to pay for his ticket and popcorn to see the film, but he declined.  LG wonders if that offer is transferable to "The Hangover 2."

In other news, Egypt's Hosni Mubarak resigned today.   The LG Report is proud to break the story that his resignation was delayed by prolonged negotiating over whether he'd get to take his stapler, desk lamp and other office supplies with him.  This is the inside story that you won't see on CNN.com or FOX News.  He obviously took the advice that it's better to resign on a Friday so that you then have the weekend to look for another country to rule tyrannically over.  He should try Monster.com.

That is a pretty cool desk lamp. The headset is dated though, they can keep it.  No wonder everyone wanted him out:  What a rude dictator, listening to his iPod while negotiating with world leaders.  No manners. 




Also, Lindsay Lohan says she just "borrowed" that necklace that she's accused of stealing.  Common mistake.  Al Capone was a big borrower too.

That's it for today folks, LG has to run to the theater.  Not to see the Justin Bieber movie of course, something else. He just forgets the name of it right now...   

7 comments:

  1. Awww....unfair to review without actually seeing the show. Not that I intend to see it, but then I won't be reviewing it, either.

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  2. Awww, your review was unbeibably biased against babe magnets. I bet you didn't like David Cassidy either.

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  3. are you sure you don't want to call him gay? cuz that's what all the boys say about any boy/man who makes it to chick-magnet status.

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  4. Once again jealously rears its ugly head. Justin is laughing all the way to the bank. Suck it up LG.

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  5. Yuh, I concur. oh wait...you weren't reviewing Ishtar? Oh, Justin, not Dustin. Sorry.

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  6. LMAO!...well don't beat around the bush LG!...it sucks! I'm with you though, do what you gotta to get the hits! We need to partner up and rule the world! ...first though I need to go stand in line for my fricken Justin Bieber movie tickets.

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