Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Martha Stewart Overload

LG has a confession to make.  Pull up a chair.  But no need to call the cops.  Seriously, put the phone down.

Here it is: LG has been in the studio audience of The Martha Stewart Show four times. 

Yes, four times. 

Now, in his defense, two of those times were for the special male-audience-only Super Bowl shows, where Martha demonstrates how to make various snacks for  Super Bowl parties.  And the parting gifts for those shows are always excellent: $350 indoor grills, wireless headphones, universal remotes, etc.    

But the other two times, LG must confess, were full-on regular Martha Stewart Shows with about 98% female audience members.  Among the handful of male spectators at both of those shows, LG was the only one not wearing an indoor scarf around his neck. 

LG feels much better now that he has revealed his deep, dark secret.  Please don't judge.

LG was in the audience last week for one of the pre-Super Bowl shows.  Here's something that you shouldn't yell out when in Martha's audience: "Hey Martha, did they teach you that recipe in the kitchen while you were in jail?!"  She doesn't like stuff like that, nor does her beefy security staff.

LG didn't yell that, of course; he merely thought it.   

On last week's show they picked two guys out of the audience to help Martha make a potato skin recipe.  Everyone was allowed to submit one question to Martha before the show, in writing, and one of the selected men had written "Martha, how did you go from being a hot model for men to being a hot model for women?"  [She apparently started her career as a fashion model.]   A-s-s  K-i-s-s-e-r!  But hey, it worked.

This guy turned out to be quite a card.  His name was Michael, and he had a big head of hair, kept in place by a 1970s-style NBA headband.  Here's a picture:

Michael had two especially funny lines while making potato skins with Martha.  At one point she asked Michael if he had any tattoos.  He said "I'll show you mine if you show me yours!"  She refused (although she claims to have some...) 

Later, she asked the other volunteer how many beers he'd drink during the Super Bowl.  He said "I'm a small guy, just two." 

Then she turned and asked Michael that question and he said "Not me, I'll have a 12-pack at least!"

Here's a blurry photo of Martha and Michael yukking it up on set:

At one point, Martha asked Micheal where he'd learned his potato-mashing technique and he said "I think from watching Oprah."  That line, LG noticed, was edited out of the final version that aired on T.V.  

Here's a picture of LG's friend Dannie trying to get fresh with a photo of Martha:

Stuff like that probably happened to Martha all the time in jail.

And, finally, we leave you with a picture of Geo and Dannie under the Martha Stewart Show's sign.  It's a good souvenir because LG doubts that any of us will be allowed back again next year...

Thanks for stopping by folks, hope to see you back here again soon.



  1. Wel, I have to say I admire you for admitting this. I'm a bit embarrassed for you but I still admire you. And that's a good thing.

  2. i think the free swag probably helps take the edge off your embarassment over going to see martha. FOUR times! and a paper boob honk no doubt helps too.
    but on the times when it wasn't a man show, what goodies did you get? a new skin care line? cute handbags? fluffy lambs wool slippers?

  3. Wow, Martha Stewart let YOU in her studio? I mean, wow! That's awesome! LOL

  4. I confess to envy.
    I am, however, happy for YOU.

  5. So what did you get for loot for having been there?

  6. Sherilin and Eva: the gifts for the non-SuperBowl shows were not bad but not awesome. One was a $50 gift certificate to a website called "Grandin Road" (I think it has an affiliation with the show) and the other I can't even remember. The Super Bowl gifts were definitely the best, I think she was just trying to reward the guys for doing something that they normally wouldn't.

  7. Funny post. Martha and I share Barnard as an alma mater, but there was no Home Ec major when I attended... Darn the luck! I could have been raking it in by now! (Or at least I'd have a prison record under my belt.) Timing is everything.

  8. What a fun post! I loved it. What the heck are you guys going to Martha Stewart shows for anyway? I always wondered why guys were in the studio audience at these things, and now I know: for blog material. And free grills!

  9. Lazurus, are you just everywhere or what?!

    Good ol' Geo. I still want to kill him.


  10. Next time can I be your date? Mostly because you are so humorous, but also because of the parting gifts.

  11. Clearly you're a cupboard love kind of a guy!


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