Friday, May 13, 2011

The Bachelor Dinner

Tomorrow night is LG's Bachelor Dinner. 

Note the intentional - and judicious - use of the word "Dinner" and not "Party." This will be a low-key dinner, not a "party."

LG has been the ringleader/promoter/organizer/chief troublemaker of far more than his share of bachelor parties over the years.  Thus, he has a lot of guys gunning for him.  Luckily, some of them couldn't make it tomorrow night due to scheduling conflicts.  LG purposely waited to get married until some of these gentlemen would be otherwise occupied with their wives and kids. 

This is NOT what LG's Bachelor Dinner will look like.

As we all know, what happens at bachelor parties, stays at bachelor parties.  

LG gave a lot of thought as to what to write tonight...and decided upon a short and sweet post.  

This will not be "The Top 10 Things That Happened To Me At Bachelor Parties" or "My Wildest Bachelor Party Stories."  

No, sorry friends (mostly, my apologies go to the female readers, since the men already know these things...), this will be much more tame.  

So here's what LG will throw out for public consumption: 

"Three Totally Random, But Somewhat Amusing, Stories From Bachelor Parties That LG Has Attended."   

Here we go:

1.  About 15 years ago, LG was present at a bachelor party held in a suite at a Marriott in the greater Princeton, New Jersey area.  The bachelor was a college buddy of one of LG's friends.  LG didn't know the guest of honor but, of course, this didn't stop LG from participating in the evening.  The only thing that LG cares to relate from this night was a quote that one of the party attendees uttered at the conclusion of the festivities (which was at about 5 a.m.):   "They're never going to be able to use this suite again, the hotel will have to turn it into a storage room or something."

2.  LG's was one of the architects of the bachelor party of good friend ("Mr. X" for our purposes) of his from college many years ago.  Mr. X was a bit over-served at the first bar that the group visited that night.  This was through no fault of LG's, of course.  Although LG himself was almost thrown out of the bar for innocently trying to take a few photos.  Longer story for another day.

LG threw an arm around Mr. X and led him to the next stop on the planned tour of Manhattan, which happened to be a fabric-free place of entertainment.  Mr. X, having been over-served, was a bit belligerent with the employee collecting the cover charges at the door.  Mr. X kept yelling at the man, as LG was trying to fish the equivalent of two cover charge fees out of his pocket: "STAMP MY HAND!  STAMP MY HAND!"  After what seemed to be an exceedingly short time, the man behind the counter said "That's it, you guys are out of here.  Get out, I'm banning you from our club!" 

"Fine, who cares!" LG yelled back at the man, "We'll go to the place next door!" thinking that this was what America was all about, good old-fashioned capitalist competition.
With that, LG and Mr. X, and the 15 or so gentlemen in their party, turned to walk to the next place, about 40 steps away, an establishment known as "Dangerous Curves."  

LG could hardly believe his eyes when the attendant raced out from behind his booth and over to the Dangerous Curves doorman, where he said "Don't let these guys in, they're banned!"  Apparently, the same management owned both clubs.  Bummer.

3.  LG ran a bachelor party for a close friend of his (do you see a recurring theme here?)  Let's call that person "Mr. Y."  Mr. Y's then-wife's boss showed up at the beginning of the party and said "I've been warned about you.  I've been told not to let you make a fool of me."  Let's call this gentleman "Boss X." 
This is 100% true.  

Within 90 minutes, Boss X was drinking beer out of a glass cigar tube that was lodged in another man's butt crack.  

Yes, 100% true. 
And these stories are not even in the Top Ten.  Maybe a book will come of this some day. 

LG will try to get some pictures tomorrow night, but no promises. 

If you have any of your own bachelor party snippets to share, please feel free to do so in the Comment section below. 

Thanks for stopping by.  


  1. We're all eagerly awaiting the papparazzi scoop with plenty of telling pics to whet our appetites!

  2. calm, mellow & subdued? that's the kind of "dinner" you're planning for your own big night? somehow that seems unlikely & dull.

  3. "Dinner" in quotes raises suspicions immediately. Pray tell, what is on the "menu!"

  4. Yes I see a pattern. And no, I don't believe yours is going to be a quiet Bachelor dinner. I have seen THE HANGOVER. LOL

  5. LG notices that only female readers are commenting, men generally stay mum about bachelor parties, it's a good policy. If LG weren't so desperate to get a post up, he probably would've remained silent too. But, still, maybe some photos of the evening will be posted, we'll see....

  6. The Hobbit must interject. Hobbit thinks that it is unfair of LG to "strip" victims-past of the opportunity for evening up the score, but Hobbit also thinks that, in the larger scheme of things, it be best to do dinner. It very well could benefit LG later if ever he finds himself in a heated debate with significant other moving forward.

  7. Beer from a butt crack, where these Rugby players by any chance?

  8. You should have come to Prague with us. Hubby would have shown you a really good time...but only until 9pm because that's his bedtime.
    Hope this comment finds you recovering from a fantastic night with a throbbing head and definitely no taste of cigars lingering.

  9. Ohhhhh my. You boys do know how to whoop it up.

    I helped Special Agent reserve a venue and a fabric free guest for a friend's party and when they showed up the next morning, one had his shirt nearly ripped off, my Father had fallen in the pool, an expensive coffee table had to be paid for, and they were asked NEVER to return.

    Have fun, and congrats!

  10. Trust me - women know these things too. As you'll find out once you've tied the knot (if you haven't gotten a whiff of this already) ... women know all and see all. Have fun, congrats, & may your bride-to-be's bachelorette soiree not make more news than your bachelor dinner!

  11. Oh man. That last one killed me.

    The bachelor parties here (in Utah) are much less tame as you can imagine. Although, I do think I have been to one or two insane ones.

    The one that I remember best was in Vegas when I vomited all over the Circus Circus floor - the one that has the circuses going on it it. That was a special evening.

  12. My brother just got married over the weekend. He didn't have a bachelor's party. But, you know, we're in Utah. They don't do that kind of thing.


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