Sunday, May 1, 2011

The LGR Interview Series: Bossy Betty, You're Not in Kansas Anymore!




The LG Report 50-State Interview Series continues to roll on, this time to meet up with the incomparable Bossy Betty, author of her EPONYMOUS BLOG (Worde to the wise: click there to find the blog before Bossy Betty orders you to do so), which is extremely witty and well-written.  It also frequently contains stunning photographs.  Bossy Betty will be representing the great state of Kansas.   


[No Betty, I won't sit over there, I'm fine right here.  Yes Betty, I'll get you a bottle of Evian, just wait one second.  Yes Betty, I'll speak clearly.  No Betty, I promise, I won't run a video of this on YouTube.  OK, we have to get to the questions now...]

In the interest of full disclosure, we should reveal that Bossy Betty doesn't actually live in Kansas anymore, but she did grow up there and, in our opinion, is a great spokesperson for her home state.  We tried to get a current resident of Kansas to speak with us, but both of them were working the fields when we called.

Bossy Betty currently lives in that paradise/den of iniquity/home of great weather/overcrowded Hell-Hole known as Southern California.  We may sprinkle some SoCal questions in just to keep Bossy Betty on her toes. 

So here we go.

The LG Report:  How did you get the nickname "Bossy Betty?"  And can you provide some examples of you at your bossiest?

Bossy Betty:  First of all, I would like to say that despite this hideously uncomfortable chair and this lukewarm, nearly-expired bottle of Evian, and your obvious lack of knowledge of the social benefits of breath mints, I am happy to be here.  I really don’t remember what your first nonsensical question was, so let’s continue this ordeal while I am still mildly interested.

Notice the heavy Kansas traffic in the background.
The LG Report: How long ago and why did you leave the Sunflower State?  Did it have anything to do with the totally lame-o state nickname?

Bossy Betty:  Sir, I resent your implication that 1) I “left” the Sunflower State.  Though I am no longer physically present there, a part of my heart will always be embedded in the Harney Silt Loam (the state soil of Kansas.)

2) The nickname “The Sunflower State” is not, as you so eloquently stated, “lame-o.”  It has style.  It has alliteration.  It has five syllables.

And, by the way, just what is the name of your blog again?  Hummmmm?  Do you really think you should be throwing stones?  Really?

The LG Report:  What was the single best thing, and the single worst thing, about growing up in Kansas?  Please do not mention Dorothy or Toto in your answer. 

Kansas, personified.
Bossy Betty:  Growing up in Kansas under clear, clean, expansive skies, gave Betty a certain clear, clean, expansive personality that is evident in her kind and gracious behavior. 

The tornadoes that occasionally came, wreaking havoc and destruction may have also tinted Betty’s personality a tad.  The weather in Kansas is a great example for those who want to incorporate mood swings into the fabric of their personalities.

The LG Report:  Does it frost your cake that another state, Arkansas, has your entire home state name embedded in it PLUS two extra letters?  What do you make of that?

Bossy Betty: I have never heard of that state and would not endorse, nor acknowledge it if I had.

The LG Report:  Bossy Betty, you're a teacher by profession.  The National Teachers Hall of Fame (which, by the way, LG thinks is incorrectly punctuated; he believes it should be "National Teachers' Hall of Fame," with the possessive apostrophe, but who is he to correct the teachers?) is located in Emporia, Kansas.  You're from Kansas.  Coincidence?

Bossy Betty: When children are born in the hospitals in Kansas, a certain percentage are immediately wheeled into separate and special nurseries to begin their lives as teachers. 

These babies are selected on the basis of their superior lung capacities and their low-flinch response when markers and erasers are thrown in their direction.  They are trained from birth to be members of this hallowed profession. 

First grade is the start of their twelve-year apprenticeship which they begin by directing other children on the playground, correcting the work and grammar of other classmates, and charting the behavior of those children they believe may possess criminal tendencies.

These mini-teachers-in-training are, without a doubt, the most popular children in the classes.

Bossy Betty didn't fall for the decoy "Mountains in Kansas" question.
The LG Report:  Did you do a lot of mountain biking, downhill skiing and high-altitude rock climbing in Kansas as a kid?

Bossy Betty: Because of the extensive training in pencil sharpening and glare-giving that Teacher Babies/Adolescents must go through, I had no time to engage in these hoodlum-attracting activities. 

(Even now, my Teacher Training is coming in handy as I simultaneously give you an answer to your question, thereby deceptively “validating” you and your unstable self-esteem without giving any credence to your irrational question meant merely to bait me into a ridiculous response.)

The LG Report:  If you look up a list of Kansas landmarks on Wikipedia (not always accurate, we know, but good enough for the low standards of The LG Report), you'll see:

The world's largest ball of twine (disputed), created August 15, 1953, in Cawker City, Kansas

These unsuspecting tourists are unaware of the dispute.
Two other towns claiming to possess the World's Largest Ball of Twine are Darwin, Minnesota and Brooks, Missouri.  Knowing that it must burn your butt that there's still a dispute over which locale truly has the world's largest ball of twine, what would you say to the people of Darwin, MN and Brooks, MO if you could address them directly?  We may very well have some readers from those towns, so measure your words carefully.

Bossy Betty:  I have never heard of those other states and would not endorse, nor acknowledge them if I had.

The LG Report:  Living in Southern California, we assume you've slept with Charlie Sheen.  What was that like? 

Bossy Betty: Tiger’s Blood.  Adonis DNA.  Winning.  Duh.

The LG Report:  Kansas is known for Leavenworth Prison (technically, United States Penitentiary, Leavenworth), one of the federal prison system's most notorious lock-ups.   As a kid growing up in Kansas, it would be only natural that you would have spent some time there, making friends with prisoners, smuggling knives in via your underwear, etc.  What was that like?  

Bossy Betty:  It is a misconception that this prison is in Kansas.  If you look carefully on a map, you will see that the squiggly line that marks the northeast border actually dips down into the town of Leavenworth, circles around the prison and draws it in to the state to the east, a state I have never heard of, nor would acknowledge if I had. 

The LG Report:  If you were charged with creating a new state motto to lure new residents to Kansas, what would it be?  Please keep it to 15 words or less, and do not mention Dorothy, Toto or the World's Largest Ball of Twine (obviously, because it's still under dispute.)

Bossy Betty:  The current state motto is “Ad astra per aspera” which means “To the Stars Through Difficulties” which bespeaks the immense trials and tribulations of the early settlers and the incredible trauma that “Bloody Kansas” went through before and during the years of the Civil War.  However, these days, let’s face it, it sounds like a slogan for an upstart pharmaceutical company. 

My suggestion for a new motto is “Many Varieties of Our State Flower Have Centers That Can Be Enjoyed As A Snack Or As A Small Meal.” 


The LG Report:  Bossy, if I may be so familiar...  What's that, I may not?  Ok...Bossy Betty...can you give us a link to one or two of your blog posts that would be among your most representative (and enjoyable) for a first-time visitor?

Bossy Betty:  Who me?  Really?  Me? Oh, OK, if you insist.
[Those are both live links folks; click on them to enjoy more Bossy Betty!]


The LG Report: What topic will we never see you blog on and why?

Bossy Betty:  My experience here today.  I think you know why.

The LG Report:  OK, we'll wrap it up with this question Bossy Betty:  Your hubby and two sons, how do they cope with all the bossiness?

Serve this at 80 degrees and Betty pours it on your head.
Bossy Betty:  Let’s just say when they are home, the pillows on my chair are always fluffed, the Evian is always chilled to 79.5 degrees and their breath is always fresh.  

It’s not their fault that they need to spend so much time away from our loving home.  Darn World Peace Conference.  They always seem busy with it.

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Thanks again for stopping by Bossy Betty, it was a very enjoyable experience.  And we remind our readers to wander on over to Bossy Betty [live link again] (the blog) to check out some very fun -- and funny -- writing.  
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Editor's Note:  Just as this blog posting was being completed, a number of major news sources revealed that Osama Bin Laden had been killed in Pakistan.  Click HERE  if you'd like to read some of LG's thoughts about being in downtown Manhattan on September 11, 2001.  
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32 comments:

  1. WoW! What a wonderfully entertaining and well-done interview! This gal sounds like she is really in top of things. I sure would like to get to know her better by clicking on those incredibly handy links you have provided.

    Signed,
    Woman who appears to look like Bossy Betty and is using her name at this time, but under false pretenses. (I'm not really her. I am prettier than she is.)

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  2. I can't believe you actually know and interviewed Bossy Betty! I've been a follower of her blog for quite some time! Great job!

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  3. I am on first name terms with Bossy and I resent the fact that you allowed that imposter first commenter to be published here, LG. You really need to be more astute when you decide whose comment may or may not appear, otherwise what is the point of having comment vetting activated on your blog? It is quite clear to me that that commenter claiming not to be BB but looking deceptively like her is just trying to drum up extra readership for herself by hijacking BB's credentials in such an underhand, obviously fraudulent way! If you allow this to happen again I am afraid you'll leave me no option but to unfollow you! Do you really think your ego can handle a decline in readership? Thought not!

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  4. Oh my sincere apologies. I see you no longer have comment moderation activated. No wonder that imposter managed to impose herself on us all!

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  5. Thank you LG Report for being very brave and having the ever so fierce BB on your blog today. I, for one, salute you and think you should be given a medal and a lesson in how to serve Evian properly to BB! :-) Take care
    x

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  6. Osama bin what? Anyway...

    Great interview. Bravo. Encore.

    :)

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  7. Great interview!Hahaa...That's our Bossy Betty!
    hughugs

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  8. Great interview. I'm a relatively new follower of Bossy Betty's, so it was nice to get to know her better through this post.

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  9. She is as witty as witty can be! Such an excellent interview on both ends. Very, very fun.

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  10. Bossy Betty's best being bossy!

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  11. Hello from a new reader, lured here by my Google Alert set for "largest ball of twine!" I love big roadside attractions, and that ball o' twine is #1 on my bucket list. The one in Kansas, that is!

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  12. Oh LG you never fail to provide such hearty laughs!

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  13. BB is our mentor and teacher of the wild and whacky and we think this interrviewer might have been hoodwinkled by said mentor and teacher.
    Aboslutley hilarious. PS well done interviewer and interviewee!!!
    Madi and Mom

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  14. Ooops our mentor and teacher would issue demerits for misspelling so we would like to correctly spell "absolutely" for the record.
    My assistant's fingers are faster than her spell check.
    Madi

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  15. Thanks so much for introducing us to the snarky Bossy Betty. Although she has commented on my blog several times, I had never visited hers. After this entertaining interview, I felt compelled to pay her a visit, and now have been coerced to follow her!

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  16. Oh BB thank you so much for explaining to me what has been happening with my first grader who ironically has dreams of being a teacher! It all makes sense to me now and hopefully the parents of all those other children will understand too...

    Hilariously clever.

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  17. This was the best interview. Ever.
    I will remember never to mention the ArKansas thing with Betty in the future.

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  18. With the storms the South has been having, I'm thinking le wizard really should have taken place in TN!

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  19. Nothing like another BB woman to tell it like it really is!! Bossy Better, Bouncin' Barb, it's all good. Love your blog and so glad to have found it when I did. You rock BB. Hugs, BB

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  20. haha...nicely done BB...you sure are a hoot...

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  21. BB, you make my stomach hurt (probably due to imbibing non-Evian water at the wrong temperature, but I'm blaming laughter)! Too too funny--well done, all around!

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  22. LOL!!!! This was a fantastic read!!! Bossy Betty for President!

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  23. Great interview! Truly enjoyable!

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  24. I may be stepping out of line when I say this, but one could conclude, if he/she desired, that Bossy Betty does not like you that much, LG. I would go so far as to say that SoCal has taken over the mind and tongue of one Bossy Betty. That being said, I found her witty and evilishly charming. Good day.

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  25. ib: Not for any particular reason, other than maybe it doesn't occur to LG, but he very infrequently responds to comments on LGR posts, however, he thought that he should this time. Contrary to appearances, Bossy and LG actually hit it off; her "bossy" persona is merely a literary affectation (or so she tells LG!) She's actually a very nice person who assumes the "bossy" front for writing purposes. And, truthfully, LG can relate since he assumes the arrogant "speak in the third person" persona for similar reasons. Or so he tells me. But LG can see how you may have drawn that conclusion, she was great at "giving as good as she gets," as they say in the old neighborhood. Anyway, we hope you enjoyed the interview, some other good ones are already in the hopper, including our first with an Aussie.

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  26. Thank you LG. I meant not, to give off the impression that I dislike Bossy. I enjoyed her responses as well as your questioning. I did enjoy the interview and have made a mental note to hop over to Betty's blog. I would discourage your wasting time on my blog, as it is full of crap that most people do not care to hear about.

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  27. As usual, hilarious questions and equally funny answers! I still can't get over "Does it frost your cake...?" Ha!! I've never heard of that expression. I love it. THAT REALLY FROSTS MY CAKE is what I'm going to be yelling every chance I get.

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  28. Oh my dear Lord, I knew Bossy was funny, but I had NO IDEA that she was THIS funny! I laughed all the way through it. The teacher thing had me going the best. Permagrin now attached to my face. Bravo, Betty, Bravo!

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  29. BB, I followed your instructions to the letter.
    Veni, Legi, Risi...
    I came, I read, I laughed (respectfully).

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  30. What a bossy thing, huh? LG - lovely to meet you, and your interview of Betty - top notch! Bravo, B! Bravo!

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  31. I AM PUTTING THIS MESSAGE ON EVERYONE'S COMMNT PAGE:

    I pride myself on trying to visit everyone I follow as often as possible. I enjoy all of you so much and have deliberately surrounded myself with the type of up-beat, happy bloggers as possible.

    However, recently I have taken in my 32 year old granddaughter and her two children. It has been such a monumental change for me I am finding it hard to keep up my blogging, and my visiting.

    I hate to admit it but there have been some difficulties with adjustments (on both sides) and I find that I just don't have the time to do the things I want to do. I also seem to be letting it get me down.

    Just give me some time and I will be back on my game soon....I'm sure......kt

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  32. Betty and The Sheenster! Who knew?

    Love you LG, and Betty!

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The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!