In case you missed it...

Official symbol of LG's Bachelor Dinner.

Sorry, LG has no pictures from the Bachelor Dinner last Saturday night.  It was tame.  Honestly.  You'd be bored if there were photos.

Below are some status updates from LG's recent Facebook postings.  Since most of you are not LG's Facebook friends, you haven't seen these bon mots.  Those who are, no doubt, will enjoy seeing them again. 

Without further adieu...

Human or "animal companion?"

The PC Police no longer want us to use the word "pet," it's considered offensive to dogs, cats, etc. "Animal Companion" is the proper designation they now say. All these ridiculous PC edicts annoy me, they're really becoming an animal companion peeve of mine.

 

 

A number of people have asked Facebook if it would create a special "Lust" button for my comments because they want to do so much more than just "Like" them. I appreciate the support, but Facebook just notified me that it can't be done.

 

Male ballet dancer.  But you knew that.

I'm on a train to NYC, where there's a major league baseball game tonight, and a number of adult males have come aboard dressed in New York Yankees jerseys. I'd hate to see how they dress when they're going to the ballet.

 

 

 

The world is really getting screwy. Cops raided Larry Flynt's house and found a stash of Korans.

Reality TV has gone too far (again). There's a new dance competition show coming on soon starring Kirstie Alley, Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne Barr. It's called "Dancing With the Planets."

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. how many are left? ... Five, because deciding and doing are not the same thing.

 

Newt dictates his Tweets.

Newt Gingrich just announced via Twitter that he's running for president. That would seem like a really cool, evolved way to make the announcement -- if his first name wasn't "Newt."

 

 

 

A "Mark Zuckerberg" of Facebook's home office (never heard of the guy) called a few minutes ago to ask me to stop posting status updates so frequently because all of the "Likes" that my postings attract are straining the Facebook servers. He says they should have the issue resolved by May 21st, which, coincidentally, is when the world is scheduled to end.

 

Coming soon to a concert hall near you.

These corporate sponsorship deals are getting ridiculous. I just heard that Wu-Tang Clan is now Wu-Ovaltine Clan.

 

 

 

 

Breaking News: Apparently Bin Laden chose his hideout city because he was a big fan of Abbott and Costello.

The U.S. military is recruiting very boring people who tell dull stories in a monotone voice. Why? They want to use them in drone attacks.

I'm the last guy to brag, as you know, but I'm pretty pleased that even strangers in Africa have heard that I'm an honorable man who can be trusted with large sums of money.

 

That's about $24 of wampum right there...

Native Americans are offended that the code name "Geronimo" was assigned to Bin Laden during the recent raid. In an attempt to assuage them, the U.S. government offered monetary compensation to Geronimo's tribe. Unfortunately, the government offered to pay in wampum, thereby probably compounding the injury.