Thursday, October 14, 2010

Get Well Noit

Some of you don't know Noit. 

He was one of LG's college roommates and remains one of LG's best friends.  He's a very high-quality human being, married to another high-quality human being, Amy.

Last weekend, the Noit had an unfortunate accident, falling about 16 feet out of a tree.  I don't have all the details yet, but I'm guessing that he was just trying to get a head-start on raking the leaves before autumn arrived in full force. 

Noit and LG are similar in many ways.  At times, Noit is juvenile, inappropriate and irreverent.  Here's an example from our college days:

The LG Report must apologize to our readers from England, and we do indeed have some (check out the Clustr Map on the right...).  This photo is not meant to offend.  We know that English people don't have teeth like Halloween candy corn.  LG knows that anyway, Noit may not.  But this is who Noit is: fun-loving, playful and humorous.  He also pretends to be a prisoner from England once in a while.  Who can blame him?

Here's a flashback story. 

Late one night during our senior year of college, Noit and LG were out celebrating something or other.  Probably the arrival of a Thursday night.  We had imbibed a beer or two before returning to our two-bedroom off-campus apartment, which we shared with our 3rd roommate, Steve.  All three beds were in one room, along with Noit's dresser.  LG and Steve's dressers were in the second bedroom, along with weights and other workout equipment. 

Don't ask LG why, but, for some reason, he stood at the far end of the hallway leading into the bedroom and yelled out "Here comes Bare-ass Man!"  LG then pulled down his pants and underwear and ran backwards, at full-tilt, into the bedroom. 

Unfortunately, Noit had his dresser drawer open at the time.  LG barreled right into it.  If someone were to write a book about the incident, it would be titled A Million Little Pieces: The Tale of Noit's Dresser Drawer.  Apologies to James Frey.     

Noit, being somewhat perturbed at losing one of his three dresser drawers, ran into the workout room and made a loud noise as he destroyed one of LG's dresser drawers.  Or so LG thought.  In reality, Noit hadn't actually destroyed a drawer, he just made a loud noise and faked it in order to get back at LG in a semi-mature way.  

Upon hearing the phony noise, LG opened Noit's two remaining dresser drawers, climbed to the top of the room's bunk beds, and jumped, feet first, smack dab through the last of Noit's drawers. 

Noit then returned to the room and told LG that he had just been kidding, and that he hadn't damaged LG's dresser at all.  Noit's dresser, however, was now firewood. 

For the remainder of the school year, Noit had to pile all of his clothes on top of his dresser since he had no working drawers left. 

Below is an actual picture of Noit (with LG in the background) shortly after Bare-Assed Man did his demolition work.  When LG decided to write this blog, he swore that he'd never post a picture of himself in his underwear.  Things change.

One more Noit story (LG could go on for hours.) 

On the last day of our junior year, Noit and Steve finished their exams a few hours before LG and decided to start the year-end party early.  Noit, however, cut his thumb deeply while trying to open a can of pineapple juice.  He went to the school's infirmary for stitches.  When the nurse left Noit with his thumb under a faucet of running water, he got a good look at the open wound and fainted.  Boom!  Like a sack of potatoes, Noit hit the floor.  Eventually, he returned to our suite with Steve.  LG bandaged his thumb in sympathy (and ridicule), as did Steve and many of the party attendees.  Here's a photo:

OK, so that's the last old photo of Noit that LG is going to show today in our Get Well posting. 

Noit is a bit banged up, nothing life threatening, but he's still in the hospital and has a road of recovery ahead of him.

You won't meet a better man than The Noit.  If you'd like to send Noit a Get Well message, please feel free to convey it via a comment to this post (A cheap way for LG to get reader comments?  Sure, but we have no pride here.)  

LG is going to visit Noit in the hospital today.  He's still pretty banged up with broken ribs and wrists, a fractured heel, etc., but, overall, Noit is doing much better than when he was admitted.   Here's what LG is bringing Noit as a Get Well present:

Poor taste?  Yes, definitely.  But Noit will love it.  P.S. It took about half an hour to wrap those bandages and apply the red Sharpie.

Not to get maudlin, but LG hopes you each have at least one friend of the caliber of Noit.  Please keep his recovery in your thoughts.  And thanks for reading The LG Report, as always.  We'll try to be funnier next time.


  1. God! This made me laugh out loud - twice! First, seeing the fine British dental approximation - with candy corn, no less. And then the story of crashing through dresser drawers with a bare ass. Geez, I think this day is going downhill already. Thanks for the great laugh. Please, Noit, do get well. And live long and prosper! EFH

  2. The Get Well present is hilarious. And NOIT? You look significantly like an ex-boyfriend of mine (though I'm not tagging you; I'm too old!), and with that in mind, GET WELL!

  3. Dear LG Report readers: As regular readers of the LG report, you may have some doubts as to whether the "Bare-ass man" story is real. I am here to tell you that it is 100% true! LG may recall that I was actually present during the birth of "Bare-ass Man". Disabled in an adjacent room due to a collision with a parked car, I witnessed the entire event. Probably one of the funniest moments in my entire life. GET WELL SOON NOIT! Have some SOCO BLOCHO. Eggman

  4. Funny stories LG!!! Poor Noit! And poor B-a M. who had to take one for the team and post a underpants picture. Thinking of your buddy & sending out some get well vibes. I am also sending "omg you post in the third person just to drive me crazy" vibes. :)


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