Mail Call, etc.

Here at The LG Report we don't have it out for Verizon Wireless, although you might think we do based on our most recent post.  But that's not true at all.  Speaking of Verizon Wireless, they just announced that they'll be rolling out 4G service to 38 cities before the end of the year.  It's called "4G" because that's how much your monthly cell phone bill will be when they get done tacking on all the surcharges. 

Bu-dump.

Yes, I came up with that one on my own, but feel free to use it down at the iPhone store.

Moving on to The LG Report Mailbag....

The LG Report doesn't get a lot of mail.  Nor does it get a lot of e-mail.  We're not sure why, perhaps because we always refer to ourselves in the third person, thereby annoying people?  Nah, can't be the reason.  Possibly it's because everyone who submits anything to us, speaks to us, or in any way has contact with us, knows that they could end up on the blog. 

Here are some examples of people who didn't follow the herd; they knowingly and willingly sent things in, and will now be featured.  They'll probably learn better after today...

This is Sara.  She lives in Ohio.  She was also pictured in the family portrait from the 1970s that appeared two postings back (she was the uh, um, "most distinctive" person in that photo.)  We're not sure exactly what's going on in this picture, sent to us by Sara herself, but here are our best guesses:

1.  She was sold off as a child bride to a rich Russian and this was her farewell photo;
2. She was told that she could only read that book, which was recovered near the Chernobyl nuclear site, if she wore a hazmat suit; or
3. She was preparing to take a course on formal-dress beekeeping, the latest craze to sweep the agricultural community. 

Please feel free to post a comment if you have any additional guesses.  Note that all our comments must be gluten free. 

This photo was submitted by Liz/Lizerd, another reader from Ohio.  The LG Report is to Ohio what David Hasselhoff is to Germany and Jerry Lewis is to France. 

We're not sure, but we suspect that this may be her husband.  He looks like the result of a fight between Winnie the Pooh's Tigger and Spider Man.  It appears that Tigger is winning, although Spider Man will get most of the attention at a bachelorette party.  If he's lucky, he may even get some dollar bills stuffed into his face.  Whatever the case, we can see from this picture who put the "ween" in Halloween. 

Kudos to Mr. Liz for having the guts to have his photo taken like this.  And, no, we won't ask any questions about that poster on the floor behind him. 

Dear Readers: Keep sending in ridiculous and embarrassing shots like the two above, we love 'em!

And, finally, below we have Jake.  He's tired and gets frightened by formally-dressed beekeepers and Tigger/Spiderman hybrids, so we'll call it a posting right here.  Hope to see you back again soon!