Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The LG Report's FREE Career Evaluation Test For Your Child...And Other Thoughts...

People approach LG all the time (let me know when referring to myself in the third person REALLY starts to bug you; I won't stop, of course, but at least I'll know for sure that it bugs you...) and ask "LG, can you help me figure out what career my kid should pursue?"  

Not being a parent myself, I am, of course, the perfect person to provide career guidance to youngsters. 

So I've developed this simple test to determine if your child has natural talents in the engineering field.  

By now you've noticed that 7-11 logo up in the corner.  Yes, my test does have something to do with 7-11, but it's probably not what you think.  I won't have your kid working at 7-11 for a career, don't worry.   Sit back and entrust your child's future to LG's homemade test.  Thank you. 

When you go to 7-11 store to purchase one of LG's all-time favorite products, the most excellent Slurpee, you will encounter an array of lids for the cups.  LG meant to take a Blackberry camera photo of said array, but he didn't get around to it (sometimes in my Slurpee zeal, I forget things).  Here's what it sorta looks like courtesy of the internet:

This picture was obviously taken outside the U.S., since the lids are measured in "litres," but that's OK, it works for our purposes in determining the lifelong career path of your snot-nosed kid.  Err, I mean your angelic child.

So here's the test: have your kid pick out his/her desired size Slurpee cup.  Then, giving him/her one shot, ask them to choose the lid that fits that cup without any pre-measurements.  If your kid can pick out the right lid just by sight, he or she is destined to be a star in the field of engineering. They obviously have talents in spatial relations, geometric design, etc. 

If they choose a lid that is an inch too big or small, you've got yourself an English major.

LG just saved you thousands of dollars in costly career assessment fees.  Throw me a bone and post a comment and/or get me some more followers, that's the coin of the realm around here in BloggerLand.  Thanks.

Some random LG thoughts that have been piling up over the past week:

  • Every call center in America is perpetually experiencing "higher call volumes than normal" and advises you to "listen carefully as our call options have recently changed."  I would politely ask all of those companies to take a flying suck. 
  • Every buyer of gold, silver and other commodities (and there are plenty these days) advertises "Highest prices paid."  Where's the guy who pays the lowest prices and makes the biggest profit?  Doesn't exist apparently.  The high price payers can take a flying suck too.
  • I love when the police bust militia nuts or other weapons-hoarding losers and then make a big show of it on TV, laying out all of the firearms for the cameras to see.  Invariably, here's how the list of confiscated items reads: 
    • 54 automatic machine guns;
    • 43 Uzis;
    • 94 semi-automatic pistols;
    • 22 hand grenades;
    • 600 rounds of ammunition;
    •  3 bazookas;
    • 1 anti-aircraft gun; and 
    • a samuri sword.  They all always have one goddam samari sword.  Why is that?  Do they expect Kung Fu to attack them?  He's dead, they can let the samurai sword go...
OK, that's it for today kids, keep clicking back and don't forget to recruit new LG Report followers.  Next time someone solicits you for the 100-Mile Walk to End Ingrown Toenails or the like, bug them back by asking them to become and LG Report follower.  Thanks much!

1 comment:

  1. Hey LG,
    I was out of town for a few days and missed this post. What if your kid always grabs the biggest cup, eschews the lid, and spills the contents all over the floor of your car? Help! I need answers. He's sixteen. College is looming. Thanks. Eggman


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