Thursday, July 8, 2010

The LG Report's Photos of the Week

"Photos of the Week? I've never seen that on The LG Report before," you're saying to yourself. 

It's a new feature, which may actually be weekly, or not.  We'll see.  Just roll with it. 

Sometime in the not-too-distant future, Political Correctness will totally engulf our society.  PC-ness will swallow us whole, like a python devouring a field mouse.  At that point, you won't be able to talk about, ask about, refer to, or in any way acknowledge any differences between people.  When that occurs, and we are no longer allowed to inquire as to one's gender, The LG Report has the perfect question to glean that information without being overtly non-PC.  Here is it:

Have you ever, at any time and under any circumstances, paid for one or more items at a cash register by writing a check? 

Here's the Teacher's Edition Answer Key:  If the response is "Yes," you're dealing with a woman.  If the response is "No," then your specimen is man.  Simple as that.

This brings us to our first Photo of the Week:

See that woman in the vomit green shirt, hunched over the counter scribbling out her check to the cashier?  She held me up for almost five minutes at the Eddie Bauer Outlet with her check-writing BS.  It's a form of false imprisonment, I say.  And, to make matters worse -- and I swear this is true -- the other cash register was also tied up at the EXACT SAME TIME by a woman writing a check.  It's a good thing Eddie Bauer doesn't sell guns.  And notice how she's trying to hide her face from any bloggers who may be in the store?  She knows she's doing everyone else dirty.  The least she could've done was turn around and face the stink-eye that I was giving her head on.  

I've never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever seen a man write a check in a store.  If you have, please post a comment exposing said man and we'll drum him out of the gender at our next meeting.

Next Photo of the Week:

This was taken at a carwash at the Jersey Shore.  There are laws against false advertising.  I looked extensively in the vicinity of this vacuum and could not find a bathroom, so I don't know what this sign was referring to, unless urinating in public is suddenly legal.  Maybe it was directing patrons to that bed of rocks in the background?

Finally, our last Photo of the Week:

Come on, seriously.  Seriously?  "Mountain Charge?"  ShopRite, you're better than that.  Why not just call it "Mountain Doo."  I assume the clever-niks who came up with this one thought that consumers would associate the "charge" with the jolt that Mountain Dew's high caffeine content gives a person.  Although, maybe the "charge" is meant to convey how customers should pay for it.  If that's the case, then to attract female consumers they should've named it "Mountain Check Writing." 

That's it for today folks.  I'm here all week. Please take care of your waitresses and bartenders!


  1. Hey LG. Despite the fact that you have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever seen a man write a check in a store, just wanted to let you know that I stood in back of a dude that did just that. And, to make matters worse, it was in a wine store but he wasn't purchasing wine - he was actually purchasing a loaf of bread for $3. At least he wasn't wearing a vomit green shirt.

  2. I actually got a car loan from a credit union last year that does not allow me to make the payment with a credit card. I am REQUIRED to mail them a check. (I didn't know about this until after we had the loan and it was too late to do anything about it.)


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