Sunday, January 30, 2011

World Ending Soon; Clean Underwear Advised

Warning: Contents under pressure, do not puncture.  Please dispose of properly. 

Here's a minor news item that you may have missed: The world is going to end on May 21, 2011.

LG knows this is true, because he saw the sign below in the Lexington Avenue Subway stop under Grand Central Station yesterday:


Surely New York City's Metropolitan Transit Authority doesn't allow untrue signs in subway stops.
This is Earth exploding.  It looks like it will hurt.
And probably be uncomfortably hot.  Dress lightly.

Further, the good people at wouldn't lie to us, would they?

If we were talking about maybe it would be suspect.  And, certainly, would lack credibility.  But not good ole

So where does this leave us?  Here are some thoughts:  

  • May 21st is the birthday of LG's sister MIG.  He's already informed her that he's not buying her a present until May 22nd.  No sense wasting money, especially at a time like that.
This chap is no doubt going monkey.

  • Make sure that you're wearing clean underwear on May 21st; you never know what Heaven's admission criteria will be.  LG guesses that people lacking underwear (i.e. going "commando," "monkey" or "free ballin'") need not apply for the eternal reward.  "If thou junk hangeth pell mell, be ye condemned straight to Hell."  [LG just made that up, it's not in the Bible.  Fooled you.]
  • The good news is that the ancient Mayans predicted that the world wouldn't end until Decemeber 21, 2012 so we might have more time than thinks.  If we get past May 21, 2011, LG  advises wearing clean underwear on December 21, 2012 also.  We won't go so far, however, as to recommend wearing clean underwear everyday, that's a bit extreme, especially for you commandos out there.

    This has nothing to do with the coming Apocalypse. 
    It was just meant to scare you in a general way.
  • The band REM will be in big demand on May 20th to play their hit "It's The End of the World As We Know It."  Our understanding is that it's currently the #1 requested song on

  • Only a fool would get a colonoscopy or visit their mother-in-law on May 20th. 


  • When asked what he would do if he knew the world would be ending shortly, young Henry, who can be seen in THE VIDEO CLIP ON THIS POST smashing cake into his own face, said he'd throw a butcher knife off the 9th floor balcony in his NYC apartment without concern for anyone below.  OK, at least he has a plan.

    And if you accidentally forget to wear clean underwear on May 21st, don't worry, it's not the end of the world.  Oh, wait, sorry, it is....our bad. 

    We invite you to leave a comment, if you are so moved. to tell us what you'll do in advance of the world ending on May 21st.  Comment today, don't put it off until May 22nd! 

    Scoff at us now, but if the world really ends on that date, The LG Report will have had the last laugh -- and don't think we won't rub it in!

    Big news: Our next installment of The LG Report's 50-State Intervew Series goes overseas to check in with Carol from England.  Technically, England is not one of the 50 U.S. States, but since it used to own us, it sorta counts.  We're expanding our horizons, so just back off and enjoy, you only have until May 21st!

    We look forward to having you stop back again soon.  


    1. i like that you encourage expletives in your comments. i feel like i should toss out a mutha focka just for good measure.
      looking forward to your interview with carol. she rocks, biotch.
      and before may 21, i'll attempt to go a whole day without doing any blogging/reading/stat checking. so that i can pretend i still know how to live in the real world.
      btw, my word verification here is "custer". seems fitting somehow.

    2. Very clever and funny. I always enjoy coming here. Just so you know though, I may not be here on May 21st, just in case I'm washing my underwear for the end of the world. I do want to be prepared.
      Good idea not buying the birthday present either.

    3. Wonderful post! I will be eating chocolate. I had given it up....this is the 28th day without chocolate or any other kind of candy...I will spend May eating chocolate, and washing my underwear! You have performed a great public service here...I was unaware and otherwise might have been wearing not so clean underwear on May 21st, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that!

    4. Darn I've just paid a deposit on a holiday for May 22nd. I wish I'd read this first. Oh well I shall inform Hubby that I'm withdrawing all our savings next week and going on a world tour beforehand. Must get some new underwear from Marks and Spencers too - grey isn't a good look is it?

    5. In the morning of May 21st, I plan on checking the LG report (like I do every day), and then finding somebody smaller than me and beating him up. Not for any specific reason other than that he is smaller than me. Then, I'll probably go up to the top of Mount Timpanogos and watch the earth explode. The pic in the post looked cool.

    6. Thanks for the reminder! Sometimes I forget when the world is ending.

    7. Love the post...rethinking birthday gifts I may need to put off...then there's the May graduation...oh well, I worry about it after I get all the underwear washed- wouldn't want to meet up with my grandmother in dirty ones!

    8. Man, I am so glad you told about this one. I'm wondering if my husband knows and didn't want to scare me? Hmmm...

      BTW, thanks for stopping my by silly blog last week! I'm glad you can appreciate practical jokes between a couple!

    9. Is it OK if my underwear has holes in long as they are cean?

    10. Chief aka Dad: According to the rules, you can get into Heaven with ripped underwear as long as the rip/hole is less than a week old and you didn't intentionally tear it yourself.

      John: If you're going to watch the Earth explode, make sure you do it through a pinhole in a cardboard box, you don't want to ruin your eyesight.


    The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!