Sunday, January 2, 2011

The LG Report's $5 Challenge Hits A New Low!

Caution: Many people laugh so hard that they smash their faces into their computer screens while reading The LG Report. As a result, the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) requires us to advise you to wear safety glasses while reading this blog.  World War II aviator goggles would also be good.  If you e-mail us a photo of you wearing some type of stupid eyewear, we'll post it.  But don't expect $5.           
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Many of you remember The LG Report's $5 Challenge, wherein we dare people to do stupid unusual things in exchange for a fiver (also known as a sawbuck or half a hawk.)  We kicked it off a few weeks ago with our good friend Dannie crawling through a doggie door.  That posting can be viewed by clicking HERE.

The LG Report has decided to make the $5 Challenge a regular feature. We're not sure why we're highlighting the $5 Challenge in yellow, it's probably only a temporary thing, so don't get used to it.  Not that you'd really get used to it anyway. If you're the kind of person who gets used to things being highlighted in yellow, please leave the blog immediately.  Nah, we were only kidding, come back.  We welcome all weirdoes.   

The LG Report is on to its second $5 Challenge, and young Henry has stepped up to deliver. 

We find it's easier to trick people into participating who are at our maturity level.  Henry is 12 years old.  Dannie was slightly buzzed.  Normal people in their right mind don't generally participate in the $5 Challenge.

Here's a still photo of Henry shortly before the act:


He's a good kid, smart, witty, of good parentage.  So what does he have to gain by participating in the $5 Challenge?  $5 of course (try to keep up here people...)   The video is below.  Henry, being a budding showman, specifically noted how he played it up by dragging the cake down his face after the smashing.  Please pay special attention to these subtleties.  When Henry wins an Academy Award (tm) someday, you'll think back to this video clip:



video 

Now here's the thing...the last LG Report posting, about dog farts, garnered zero comments (none, nada, nil, zilch.)  Meanwhile, The LG Report is paying Henry $5 for a 20-second gig.  That works out to $900 per hour.  So, in a down economy, The LG Report is paying people $900 an hour; how's that for economic stimulation?  

The U.S. government should be supporting The LG Report and encouraging people to click in.  We wouldn't be surprised if President Obama himself called The LG Report's editorial offices to thank us for our efforts in rehabilitating the U.S. economy.  Of course, the only glitch is that we don't have actual editorial offices.  Someday maybe.    

Being a major supporter of the U.S. economy as we are here at The LG Report, we're going to make this offer: 

If we get 10 comments on this post, from 10 different people (sorry, duplicates don't count), we'll give young Henry an additional $10.  

That works out to $2,700 per hour for his 20 seconds of work.  How can anyone turn their nose up at stimulating the economy in such a major way?  

With scores of Americans out of work, The LG Report is offering to pay $2,700 per hour (pro rated, of course; none of our $5 Challenges would actually take a full hour) to young Henry in exchange for people merely weighing in with their comments.   

So start commenting folks and do your part as a responsible citizen to get our economy back on track!

Remember, the job you save may be your own. [We're not sure if there is actually such a job as "cake-in-face smasher" but you never know...]

Thanks for stopping by.  We hope to see you back again soon.  We'll see if we can trick little kids into doing more stupid stuff for $5.  And please don't tell the cops about this, it's not against the law.  By clicking onto The LG Report, you tacitly agree never to go to the cops.  Thanks again and happy new year!   





20 comments:

  1. Henry is an enterprising person....I see a wedding cake in his future.

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  2. As an avid cake eater, I would have done the same thing for $5, as long as I got to eat what was left.

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  3. What a handsome young man with a great sense of humor. You should pay him more often to appear on the LG Report.

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  4. Go Henry Go ...... I have many friends and if we can make Larry pay up, all the better !!!

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  5. Nice job, Henry! Get out your wallet, LG.

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  6. I would like to see a scale:
    $5 for a regular cake.
    $10 for an ice cream cake
    $15 for sort-of-messy pie like Pumpkin or Key Lime
    $20 for really messy pie like Cherry or Blueberry

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  7. Tho it didn't seem like much of a challenge for Henry....I still think Five Bucks. is way to cheap for the act! PS: Henry, Challenge LG for Big Bucks.....empty his wallet and you can simply make a living on this while getting your wonderful education in the 7th grade! Know we are your #1 Fans!

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  8. Great job Henry! Quick, fun way to earn $15. Did you finish that piece of cake? LG, what can Henry earn if he gets 15 or 20 posts?
    -Armilene

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  9. Henry is driving towards a career in politics.

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  10. It's fun to see what your relatives will do for money!! Great job, Henry.

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  11. Finally, a blogger with the good taste to (i) post about dog farts and (ii) create adolescent Wipeout-like challenges for his readers. You Go LG!

    p.s.
    Henry,
    You Rock!!!
    Obviously this first test was too easy. Tell LG to man-up and pay $10 per cake for as many cakes as you can face-smash in 5 minutes!

    PJD

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  12. Henry deserves to get paid $20 for eating mushed cake!!!!

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  13. I think you should get at least $100 for all of the posts!

    Anne Horowitz

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  14. Hillarious!!! :)) Well done!
    Ales

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  15. Pay up LG! When I saw 15 comments, I thought my post wasn't necessary for Henry to cash in. A fear that you would count anonymous comments as duplicates prompted me to post as a safety measure. Henry not only looks like his mother, he has her mannerisms, too. Nice job, Henry. Again, pay up LG!
    MSTRR

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  16. I'm happy to help the economy! So... will 20 comments mean $20? ...I'm starting to reconider my career...

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  17. What a great, funny kid he is. LG you should pay him more just for being awesome. Henry nice job!

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  18. I was going to say I wouldn't smash a cupcake into my face for any amount of $$, but as I thought about it, I realized I was wrong. I think I would do it for $50. That's the kind of girl I am.

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  19. 20th comment will Henry get 20 bucks?

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The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!