Friday, December 17, 2010

What Some People Will Do For $5

Government Verification: No animals were harmed in the posting of this LG Report.

Today The LG Report is going to depart from its usual staid and mature manner in order to show you the seedier, and more juvenile, side of life.

Recently, LG was supping with some friends at their house.  LG was attired in a tuxedo, of course, and had his personal sommelier with him, as is the norm.  LG's friend Dannie, however, a Pittsburgher through-and-through, is not cut from the same cultured clothe as LG.  Dannie was wearing jeans, as you shall soon see.  How proletarian. 

Seeking to prove the old adage "You can't polish a turd," LG decided to offer Dannie $5 if he could fit through our hosts' doggie door.  A perfectly reasonable offer, no? 
But, of course, you're thinking "What sane, right-minded, middle-aged, responsible person would accept such an offer?"  

Dannie is a high-ranking executive at an international company.  Married to a lovely woman.  They have two great children.  Dannie is what you might call a "respectable" and "responsible" person.    

But Dannie does have one drawback: He hangs out with LG.  Thus, he can be dragged down.  You all can. So, what transpired you wonder?  As they say, a picture is worth 1,000 words:

People who know Dannie will recognize the buttocks.  And, we know you're curious: Yes, he did actually fit all of the way through, even though from this photo it looks like he's a few donuts over the limit.  

LG had to part with a sawbuck (or half of a hawk, as some would say) but it was well worth it to get this photo for The LG Report.  I also threw in two Snausages for him. 

LG has decided to make this somewhat of a regular feature on The LG Report: What People Will Do for $5.   So be forewarned: He'll be out there offering to exchange $5 for your dignity and sense of maturity.  
You can run but you can't hide.  The only escape is through the doggie door...



  1. You'll take my dignity and sense of maturity anyway, so I might as well make $5. Congratulations to Dan for making a few bucks off the inevitable process

  2. Well LG, you've outdone yourself once again. I was honored to be a witness to what many would have considered physically impossible. Unfortunately, some other demented individual has beaten you to it and found a way to further profit from Dan's amazing feat. You can check it our here at

    PS - All proceeds will be donated to the local ASPCA

  3. What a great feature! Looking forward to more!

  4. Here in St. Louis, we require more money for doing stupid things. A few years ago, I agreed to smoke an unfiltered cigarette for $20. (From what everyone said, I turned green.) I am an avid nonsmoker...

    Another year, I ate a whole pickle (without any "help" ladled onto it, like gravy). Again, $20.

    I would definitely try the dog door, with or without the lure of snausages...


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