Please take off your shoes before entering The LG Report, we just steam cleaned the rugs. And don't touch the breakables. Thank you.
The LG Report has two pet peeves to discuss today. Although we don't know why people call them "pet" peeves since we hate them and would never pet them, or have them as a pet, but that's another peeve altogether...
The first peeve comes from Boston, by way of reader "Chris" (his real first name is Chris but we thought we might throw you off by putting it in quotes) who is FED UP with the cutesy signs and pictures that restaurants use these days to designate their men's and ladies' rooms.
As Chris explains, "I'd need a masters in art history to figure out which bathroom is which at many of these places." Here's Exhibit A from a Boston eatery:
Take a good look at this drawing.
That could be a men's room, but it could also very well be Rosie O'Donnell's personal crapper, since the picture looks strikingly similar (although the mustache is not quite as bushy as hers.) She does, however, have the one white eye and the one yellow.
Or maybe it's Picasso's personal bathroom. Or a finger painting experiment. Whatever it is, when you see a sloppy portrait out front like this one, it seems to subliminally tell you that it's OK to miss the urinal. To LG anyway.
The second peeve is LG's.
LG is a great cook, as evidenced by the fact that he used to work the grill at Sambo's (if you remember that chain of greasy spoons, you're old...), but he doesn't cook. He lives alone (not counting the 20 voices in his head) and, as he always says, it's not worth cooking and then cleaning up for one person. All 20 voices agree, by the way.
So here's LG's peeve, perpetrated by the passive/aggressive folks down at the local Chinese restaurant:
LG orders a meal which is clearly intended for one person: one soup, one entree (no rice, by the way) and yet the restaurant people continue to insult him with THREE FORTUNE COOKIES, as if there's a party going on and one lousy order of chicken and broccoli is going to feed everyone. Gimme a break!
For now on, every time LG orders he's going to specifically say "And only one fortune cookie with that!" It's the only defense against unrestrained mockery like this.
OK, that's it for today. Some good stuff coming up soon, keep checking back folks and thanks for stopping in!