Friday, December 3, 2010


The LG Report: So simple even a caveman can read it!

Unless you've been living under an overturned canoe in the northernmost reaches of Sarah Palin's Alaska for the past 10 years, you're familiar with the acronym "LOL."  It stands for "Laughing Out Loud."  LG hates it.  He believes LOL is overused and, frequently, misused. [Note: abbreviations such as "LOL" are also known as "initialisms." Once again, The LG Report helps you get your learn on.]   

People are going off the deep end with LOL, IMHO (In My Humble Opinion).  They use LOL indiscriminately and recklessly.  It's becoming a national problem.  Something must be done.  FACT: Global warming, bed bugs, gang violence, Snookie and overuse of LOL are all interconnected.  Here are some examples of inappropriate uses of the LOL acronym from actual e-mails:
    Just add marshmallows.  LOL!
  • My buddy's house burned to the ground while he was out gambling away his life savings at the local Native American casino.  LOL!
    • I think that I may have inadvertently given someone a communicable disease.  Oh well, LOL!  
        Grandma always did love "CSI." LOL!
        • I always knew it would happen, but when I heard that my crazy ole grandfather had snapped and shot out all of his neighbor's windows with his World War II rifle, I couldn't contain myself.  How funny!  Then I found out that he shot grandma too.  LOL!
        • When my friend told me that she'd lost her job and had to declare bankruptcy, I giggled under my breath.  Then she said that she'd have to pull her kids out of college and put them to work at the Dollar Tree.  LOL!
        • My friend came down with leprosy, unbeknown to me, and when I went to high five him after the Jets scored, his hand flew off into the onion dip.  LOL!
          Who knew it comes in a box?
        • My co-worker has a vial of anthrax powder in his desk.  He says that he's going to release it into the office's ventilation system if his annual bonus isn't four times the size of last year's.  Fat chance of that.  Anthrax attack here we come! LOL!
        • My kid got caught trying to sell a pound of pure Colombian cocaine to an undercover DEA agent.  On top of that, he had a fulled-loaded Uzi machine gun hidden in his car at the time of his arrest. LOL!
        Looked like a toy when I saw it at the house.
        • I can't believe that everyone visiting The LG Report today will get a malicious computer virus that will erase their hard drive and cause psoriasis.  Oh, wait, this won't happen to those who have signed up to "follow" The LG Report.  Double LOL!  Wait, make it a triple!
        As you can see, those were all inappropriate uses of the LOL acronym.   Oh, and by the way, they were "actual" e-mails made up by LG in case you haven't figured that out by now. 

        Another scourge of e-mailers and texters everywhere is the dreaded "LMAO."  Which, of course, stands for "Laughing My Ass Off."  LG has yet to see a single person who is missing their ass, despite the plethora of people claiming to be LMAO.  It's a fraud. 

        In the movie "Lost in America," Albert Brooks plays a Los Angeles ad executive who leaves his job and buys an RV to travel across America with his wife.  It was his life-long dream adventure.  They make it to Las Vegas on the first night, and while Brooks is sleeping, his wife gambles away their entire nest egg.  When he discovers this in the morning, he becomes extremely distraught and screams something along the lines of "I forbid you to use the term 'nest egg,' you don't know what a nest egg is!  I don't want to hear you use those words!"

        That observation doesn't have a direct correlation to the use of LOL, but LG liked that line and wanted to work it in here.  Maybe you can find a connection. Can't we all just craft our own individual phrases to indicate when we're amused or feeling mirthful?  Why do we need to rely on the crutch of prefabricated stock phrases and acronyms/initialisms?    

        Personally, I hope people start remedying this problem ASAP. OMG, wait, I just used one myself....LOL!.



        1. ROFLMAO. (Okay so I'm just smiling and maybe chukling a little!)

        2. I too, am roflmfao at this post. I wish I could litterally l my fao.

          Sometimes I actually LOL when I write that acronym, or maybe I only COL (chuckle out loud), but I have to admit I am an offender.

          And I might possibly LOL if I high-fived a guy with leprosy and his hand landed in the onion dip. There is really know way around that. I'd be LOLing while I was throwing up.

        3. Hey LG, I understand your dislike of "initialisms", but really, you're hate is mis-guided. It's not initialisms you should hate. It's emoticons! In fact, you should fear them. Those little yellow emotional balls will get us all. Eggman

        4. eeew! hand flow off into the onion dip. way to put a damper on the party! LOL!


        The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!