Sunday, December 26, 2010

Snowmageddon! Snowpocalypse! Here We Go Again...

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As most of you know, another "Snowmaggedon/Snowpocalypse" (take your pick) is hitting the East Coast.  These large snowstorms seem to be occurring with more regularity these days. 

We used to call them "blizzards," back when flight attendants were stewardesses and the folliclely-challenged were merely bald.    

This morning, before the snow started coming down in earnest at the Jersey Shore (where LG is visiting his sister, MIG), LG made a trip to the local supermarket to get a look at the jugheads who rush to the store in a dramatic over-reaction at the first hint of snow.  Here's what he encountered at the check-out:

It was bedlam, as you can see.  LG, of course, was only there for academic and blogging purposes.  He wanted to get this photo to illustrate for you the ridiculous behavior of the majority of the populace.  And, let's face it, you can't really combat a Snowmaggedon without Yodels for sustenance.  And maybe some chocolate milk.  There's a lot of shoveling to be done.

Check out these whiteout conditions.  This is actually a close-up of the back window of MIG's SUV.  It was the most alarming photo that LG could get at the time.  Sensationalism sells. 

Here's a photo from LG's dash-cam.  The weather deteriorated quickly; shortly after this was snapped, the SUV pictured ahead flipped on an ice patch and spun around 3 times before bursting into flames.  LG pried open the driver's door and extracted a family of four, only seconds before a massive explosion obliterated everything.  LG was delayed in posting this entry because he was down at City Hall accepting a plaque and the Encrypted Password To The City (nobody gives out keys anymore.)  Just a couple of additional items for the Trophy Room.   

LG strikes a pose just before heading outside to battle the Snowmageddon.  Everyone knows that Mother Nature can be intimidated if you shake your bare fists at her.  LG was tempted to knock off a liquor store (step-by-step instructions came with the ski mask), but the Snowpocalypse would've prevented an effective getaway.

Man down, man down!  The Snowmageddon temporarily got the better of LG, but he managed to stagger to his feet to complete the shoveling of MIG's one-mile long sidewalk, which, due to a freak of nature that's been documented on The Discovery Channel, goes uphill in both directions.

Another look at the Nuclear Snowlocaust.  LG just made that one up; let's see if the New York Post steals it.
Discerning readers know that The LG Report is the place to go to get the latest in breaking news and weather.  Forget Doppler Radar, Accu-Weather and the like; The LG Report uses the patented LG Finger Method.  LG sticks his finger out the window and gets a very accurate reading of current conditions, as well as the 36-hour forecast.  So, rather than consult all of those speculative, usually-wrong forecasts, just click here and allow LG to give you The Finger!

Thanks for stopping by today folks, we hope to see you back here again soon.


  1. This has got to be one of your best posts! I laughed all the way through it! Great job! Thanks for all the chuckles!

  2. Snowlocaust-deprived Toledo, OH is in DESPERATE need of updated snowpocalypse Jersey shore photos!! We need snow totals, drift photos, and more pics of LG shoveling and laying in the street. Otherwise, we can't go on with our dull Toledo day. Please, LG....HELP a sista out!!!!!

  3. Here in Utah, the storm that is now burying the East Coast dropped about 18 inches of global warming last Tuesday. Sure, we had a white Christmas. At least, those of us whose house could still stand under the weight of the Finger of The Almighty crushing us through all that snow had a white Christmas. Bing Crosby can go suck an egg - I'm dreaming of a heat wave!


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