Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Comment From The Peanut Gallery

The LG Report, being the high-and-mighty media outlet that it is (self-appointed, of course), doesn't normally respond to reader comments...unless they're in the form of completely fictitious reader mail, as we did in THIS POST.  Or, possibly, if they're written on the back of a $100 bill.  Unfortunately, we have no examples of that to show you. 

But today we're making an exception to the rule.

We blame him.
LG's friend Concak called yesterday to lodge a complaint about the insensitive lead-in language of two posts ago.  Specifically, the words which Concak found objectionable were:

"Caution: The LG Report may contain peanuts and/or be typed on a keyboard that has been in contact with peanuts."

Concak felt that this off-handed and rather inane comment was insensitive and, worse, insulting to children with peanut allergies.

LG responded that he was taking peanut allergies seriously, and merely warning readers that the keyboard used to type The LG Report may have come into contact with peanuts.

Concak wasn't buying this cockamamie justification of a nonsensical statement.

By the way, did we mention that Concak is a respected and successful lawyer in New England?  You'd think he'd have better things to do. 

So how did the Editorial Board of The LG Report handle this complaint?

Well, first, LG must point out that he really is sensitive to this issue because he has one friend who is so allergic to Peanuts that he can't even watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

Ba-dump! LG just made that one up, but you should feel free to use it without attribution.  Just another perk of reading The LG Report.  

Second, we'd like to offer Concak a job here at The LG Report as our in-house ombudsman.  He would be charged with previewing each post and editing any insensitive, inappropriate or politically incorrect comments.  The only problem with this job is that it guessed it...peanuts.

Third, just to prove that The LG Report is not sensitive, mature or interested in being politically correct (in case you had any doubts), we're going to post this photo of Concak at a urinal in Florida during spring break in 1986: 

That's really Concak in the background, and that's really a urinal.  Honest Injun.  (Uh oh, Concak will be calling us to complain about that one too...we should've said "Honest Native American."  Sorry.)

The person at the urinal in the foreground is Charlie Sheen on a bender.  We obscured his face to avoid any legal action for sullying his good name.  Ah, just kidding, it was really Rosie O'Donnell.  Not to give away any secrets, but she had to stand further away from the urinal than Concak. 

If anyone else has any criticisms of The LG Report, please let us know and we'd be glad to publish your comment -- along with a photo of you in a restroom or in some other compromising pose.  You know that there's at least one such picture floating around somewhere on the internet.  And we'll find it.  

That's it, our measured response to Concak's protest about our dumb peanut comment.  Which reminds us, did you hear about the two peanuts who were walking down the street? 

One was assaulted (a-salted, get it?) 

Oh, sorry, we should have warned you: That riddle contains peanuts.

PS We are not really making fun of peanut allergies or people who have them -- it's a serious condition -- but if you're sufficiently outraged to comment, please do.  We love comments no matter what the reason.   



  1. Yeah, that guy needs to get a life.

  2. What a relief to know I'll never run into Rosie O'Donnell in the Ladies Room!


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!