Friday, September 17, 2010

Five Reasons Why You Don't Live in New York City

We notice that a lot of blog postings these days, and news articles in general, with the theme of "The Top Ten Reasons Why...," or "The Top Five Cities For..." or something along those lines.  They like making you to click onto the article itself first, then force you to click separately to see each of the component parts (websites charge advertisers by the click, we believe...) 

This is The LG Report's first foray into the numbered-list genre, but we won't make you do multiple clicks; it's all right here in one shot.  We may try this again, or not, we'll see.  Maybe someone will leave a comment with their "Top Five Reasons Why This Post Was Crap (or Worthwhile)."  Your call.     

If you live in New York City, this post doesn't really apply to you, but, then again, nothing on The LG Report really applies to anyone, so why not keep reading anyway... 

If you don't live in NYC, here are the Top Five Reasons Why You Don't, even if, in reality, you don't want to live here anyway.  Just humor us (and you know it's only me, so even by letting the "us" reference go unchallenged, you're already humoring me/us.)  

Here we go:

Number Five: People like this live right next door to you, which, in NYC, means down the hall. Seriously, I took this picture while I was walking to the elevator and his door was open.  I thought I heard a woman's muffled cries, but it's none of my business.

Number Four:  In your suburban town, you don't have to worry about pickpockets while walking down the street.

Number Three: If someone gives you a toaster as a present, you can put it in the garage or basement.  In NYC, it's a major problem because you have no place to store or hide it.  Counter space is at a premium and when people come over they know instantly what you did with their present.  Screw them!

Number Two: When you go #2, everyone in the apartment can hear you since it's such a small space...

And the Number One reason that you don't live in New York City:

How the heck should we know?  Only you know you that.  Post a comment with your #1 reason.  We promise not to pick your pocket, give you a toaster or reveal if there was a courtesy flush.  It's all good.  I have to go now, that woman's muffled screams are getting louder and I have to pound on the wall. 

Thanks, as always, for tuning in.  We're pretending this is a TV show, and you're tuning in.  Humor us.  See you back here soon!

1 comment:

  1. I don't live in New York because Utah is so awesome. Utah is so awesome because it's the place where all my stuff is.


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