Monday, September 20, 2010

Top Five Reasons To Go To Your High School Reunion

I didn't want to go to my high school in the first place, so why should I want to go to the 30th reunion? 

I went to a public elementary school and assumed that I'd join my friends in the local public high school after graduating 8th grade.

But my mother had other ideas. 

She wanted me to attend Red Bank Catholic (that's it on the right), ten miles from our house.  I'd have to take a bus.  With kids I didn't know.  To a town I wasn't familiar with.  And be taught by women dressed liked penguins.

I said "No!

My mother said "Yes!

Ultimately, we signed a contract -- yes, an actual written contract -- that required me to attend RBC for one year, after which I'd be free to transfer to Neptune, the local public high school. 

Of course, when freshman year concluded, after I had made friends and had become comfortable with the lay of the land at RBC, I decided to stay.  My mother, a master, albeit amateur, psychologist, knew this would happen.  If she were still alive, she'd have us out of Iraq and Afghanistan and there'd be peace in the Middle East.  Of course, someone would have to sign a contract, but they wouldn't realize the ramifications until it was too late.

Anyway, I stayed at RBC and I loved it.  Great school, great people; I couldn't have been happier.  But still, reunions?  Most people hear "reunion" and think "Loserville."  But most people are WRONG; reunions are actually pretty cool.  Here are your top five reasons to attend:

#5 - It Will Tie Up A  Lot Of Loose Ends In Your Head: Everyone thinks back occasionally to their high school years and wonders what happened to a specific person or persons.  By attending, you'll get the straight scoop, either from the person you're curious about or, if they're not there, someone who knows them.  Just be prepared for the worst; you may learn that the class geek was a Yahoo! founder and is now married to Ms. Oregon.  I hate when that happens. 

#4 - Mr. Cioffi:  Senior year, LG had Mr. Cioffi for Advanced Placement English.  That should come as no surprise; just from reading this blog you know that LG is an AP English-type of guy.   He writes goodly.  Or goodliest, whichever is correctest.  Anyway, Mr. Cioffi required everyone to read the Sunday New York Times Arts and Leisure section cover-to-cover every week.  He'd quiz us on it.  He also took us to Broadway shows.  For years afterwards, I continued to reap the benefit of looking cultured and classy because I had devoured the Arts and Leisure section regularly as a senior.  Mr. Cioffi was very professional and straight-laced and took no guff.  I was almost a professional guff-giver at the time (some things never change.)  Surprisingly, he was very good at giving it back.  He had a sharp wit when he wanted to wield it.  Of all the teachers I had in high school, he was the one I would've liked to have seen at the reunion.  And, it turned out, he was the only one there.  One of the organizers had invited him.  It was very cool.

#3 - The Jerks Won't Be There...:  I don't know about your high school, but we really didn't have many jerks in our class.  And those who were/are jerky, aren't the type to socialize, especially ten or more years after high school.  So you really get only good people looking to catch up and rekindle old friendships.  No more cliques, intimidation or ridicule.  It's not high school 30 years later, it's mature people out for an enjoyable evening 30 years later.  There wasn't a jerk in sight.

#2 - ...But  Mary Might Be:  Ok, so I had a secret high school crush on Mary, who was in my home room.  She was cute, wholesome and just and very nice girl.  Still is.  Of course, I was not the ladies man in high school that I would later evolve to be (pause while LG blows on his knuckles and rubs them on his "Property of Ritz Carlton" bathrobe/smoking jacket), so I never told her how I felt.  After a mere 30 years of getting my courage up, I informed Mary of my secret at the reunion.  She seemed to remember me, after squinting a bit and looking at the graduation photo on my name tag, but I'm not 100% sure.  Despite the fact that she's happily married with two sons and a great career in another part of the country, and the fact that I was accompanied to the reunion by the absolute love of my life, it was still good to get my secret off my chest.  You'll feel that way too.

And the : #1 Reason To Attend Your High School Reunion:

Some of your classmates will be bankrupt, divorced, driving a jalopy and/or dressed like a hobo, which will, of course, make you feel better about yourself, human nature being what it is.  So stop paying a therapist to deal with your self-image issues, just go to your reunion and be happy!

Thanks, as always, for clicking in to The LG Report, we hope to see you back here again soon. 


  1. LG - it was great to see you and to finally confirm my hunch from 30 yrs ago: that you would most likely turn out to be the most debonair dude in the class.


    A Debonair-less Dude

  2. Larry, thanks for the post. You couldn't be more correct in what you wrote. My sister doesn't go to her reunions and I just never got it. I enjoyed seeing you and meeting your love. Until next time. Nancy A

  3. I think Mr. Cioffi has a secret... :)
    Sounds like fun...Tom is avoiding his reunion..will make him read this!


  4. LG great blog! So awesome to see you and catch up! We had some fun times on that long bus ride!
    Cheri "from the bus" :)

  5. Hi Lazurus, thanks for coming over and commenting on my blog on my BON day! Nice to meet you. I just read your top five reasons for attending a school reunion. Excellent advice. I confess I never got to any of my school reunions but there's time yet ...Debbie

  6. Larry - I always knew you were exceedingly smart and had a great sense of humor, but this blog confirms it. So good to see you Saturday and I agree with the anonymous poster about your debonairity. Is that a word? I'm in NYC fairly often and I have your card. I'll be sure to look you up. Keep on writing brother. Richard Robinson

  7. Dear Larry, I hope you don't think I'M a jerk for not attending our 30th reunion, or for that matter ANY of our reunions. After graduating from college in '84 (Providence College, RI) I headed straight to Europe, having done my junior year abroad in Fribourg Switzerland. i'd gotten the taste for Europe and travel and never looked back. Well that's not exactly true, I look back often, especially at times like these when I really, REALLY would've loved to have been part of our 30th reunion, but sadly for me, I was unable to make the trip. I live in Cape Town now, an awesome place, I've been here for 15 years and love it. Fortunately I've been able to travel back to the States once or twice a year for most of my years away, but those visits are always too short and don't always coincide with life's special events, like weddings,birthdays, family Christmases, reunions... well, you get the idea. Anyway, just wanted to tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your blog and looking over and over at the fabulous pics from last Saturday night, and wish so much that I could have reunited with all of my RBC classmates. I won't miss the next one if I can help it. Take care and all the best, Maria Tierney

  8. Hi Larry,

    I remember your sense of humor from HS and reading your blog was quite fun. I will be bookmarking it and checking back. I wish I could have made it to the reunion. It would have been fun to catch up.

    Rick Marley

  9. Hey Larry,

    I thought I had posted a comment up here on the Monday after the reunion but now I don't see it. Anyhoo, it was great seeing you and thanks again for writing up my old man in your book. See you at the 35th!

    John Stahl


The LG Report appreciates all comments, thanks for taking the time; Karma will probably award you a winning lotter ticket or something. The "or something" being more likely. But thanks again!